Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hello, again! According to my last post, it has been about 7 months since I've visited this group... And I'm thrilled to say, it has been a year of no contact with my past abuser! I'm doing a lot better, though I am still in the healing process and still experience times of self doubt and inadequacy. I find that writing really helps me get my feelings out, and I thought I'd share something I wrote recently that maybe you guys can relate to. NOTE: This poem was meant in no way to minimalize the effects of physical abuse over emotional abuse. I wrote it just to explain the difficulty of receiving help when none of your scars can be physically seen.
Gaping mouths of open wounds
Emit anguished screams from within.
Unseen and ignored, these nasty abrasions
Fester far under my skin.
My body's unmarred, wearing no proof,
That I'm victim to all of his violence.
An endearing charade used to mask his abuse,
To ensure that I'd suffer in silence.
Labeled a criminal of fictional crimes,
Your lies have polluted my brain.
Self doubt consumes, I question my morals,
Reality spirals, I'm driven insane.
Defiled by your hatred, spoiled and rotting,
Alone, I must nurse my own hurt.
This doormat's retired, though free from your boots,
Forever I'm stained by your dirt.
A blade made of anger carves my self worth,
Veiled by flesh, my pain is neglected.
Far beyond helping, internally flayed,
Lacerations erupt; I'm infected.
Beating me down, but using no fists,
My heart swells as one massive bruise.
Suppurating lesions weep from inside,
With your poison, beginning to ooze.
Shattered bones mend, black eyes will fade,
A gash can be easily sewn.
My inflictions are hidden, untouched and bleeding,
Therefore, left to worsen alone.
Eternally caged within my own head,
Still I desperately search for the key.
Each night I am plagued by a horrible thought;
I'd be better off if you had just hit me.
Emotional abuse is like a poison gas that has little or no identifying smell to act as a warning of danger. That's one of the things that makes it so insidious.
Another reason it's so dangerous is that the attack is on our very soul and spirit. With enough abuse, our psyche is at risk of total annihilation while our body continues to walk around in the world, looking like we're actually living.
Thanks for sharing your powerful words.
Congratulations on No Contact for a year!!! It is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves!!!
~healing hugs~