Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I woke from a dream that was so real to me that I was literally shaking, heart pounding and blood pumping. Maybe even a tear or two all because of this dream. I had gone back to his place to try to mend things and he wasn't home, as I searched the house it had all new furniture, things were clean, take care of and the rest of my stuff that was in the garage was gone. He came home with his kids and wouldn't even talk to me as I tried to mend things and fix things as usual. Kept telling me how pathetic I was and that he didn't know why he cared for me in the first place. Didn't believe anything I was telling him as I was professing my love to him and blew me off. Wouldn't even look me in the eye. That's about the time I woke up. I was only asleep for about 45 minutes but it's put a damper on my whole day to wake up feeling like I just got off the phone with him 2 weeks ago. WTH?!! My stomach is all in knots, I worried more now about what's to come or even happen if we talk again (as he said he would call me in a few months to see what was going on in my life) I have the DV evaluation in 6 days and it can't come soon enough.
The dream you shared
with us was your own pain
bringing you emotional
knowledge, even while
you slept.
Have you tried
Ilene's Clarifying Index Card exercise?
If not, give it a whirl.
As far as his promise to call you in a few months
to see what's going on in your life. . . . . .
it may have sounded like a promise
but coming from an abuser
it was actually a THREAT.
It was his promise to
tear down anything in your
life that's going to well, and
to regain control of anything
you've managed to get back
under your own control.
Sending you hugs and
healing thoughts.
Take good care!
Psychologically speaking, our minds use imagery to talk to us in our dreams. Dreaming of your ex is your brain's way of saying "Warning! Danger!" The rest of the images sound like maybe you are in danger of losing what you have left of yourself (the missing items of yours that were supposed to be in the garage). As you were trying to mend things with him, tell him you love him, and all that, your mind was showing you that your current method of dealing with issues...within yourself...may not be working the way you want.
This is just my opinion....in no way do you have to take what I say to heart. I'm not a mind reader so I could be wrong. But to me, this dream is saying, "Hey! What you are doing isn't helping!! Change the method before you lose what you have left!!!"
Like I said, its just my opinion based on what I read and my own experiences with such things.
Shaking off vivid dreams can be really hard. Just remember, if it happens again, its just a dream. Tell yourself that the moment you wake up and then look around the room to remind yourself of where you are. Touch objects if you have to. Then once you are grounded in the here and now, you'll be able to determine if you should evaluate the dream or just let it go.
Ilene--I've seen the post on the index exercise but haven't done it. I have a notebook that I devoted to issues and things that came up. Got like 10 pages of problems that happened and his response to them along with a list of things he said to me that didn't make sense like "I'm sorry you perceived what I said that way" instead of apologizing about what he did say it was turned around and put on me because that's how it came across to me.
Jellie---I too have wondered if it's not working out. I know I can only do so much. Trying to keep myself busy so I don't think about it as much is the best I can do. I do get into spicy moods that allow me to get to a point where I get angry with him which is good but doesn't last long enough. Good days and bad days, taking it one at a time.
I keep asking for answers from the higher power. Hoping something will break thru for me. I think I end up torturing myself instead of just letting it go. I worry too much about how bad and guilty I feel instead of recognizing that it's not my fault it's his. That there isn't anything more I could do to make things work out. I bent over backwards to show him how much I cared and he didn't do squat. Just irritating and upsetting having dreams that remind me of the situation at hand and bringing up those horrible feelings of inadequacy of not doing or being enough.