
Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

Beaumont
I will use the term monster instead of abuser in this posting - please forgive me if the word seems too strong. My parents were both monsters, but because my father was largely absent in my life, my mother was the main monster. She did something to me that left me with a lifelong painful shyness. I now live at times with an absolute fear of other human beings. My mother was a Jekyll & Hyde monster. When I was alone with her, she physically beat (I'm not sure; would assault be the right word?) me with her fat purple fists and kicked me. Often she hit or threatened me with objects like broom handles and large sharp kitchen knives. She starved me to the point that I would pass out in school and other public places. When I regained consciousness, if she found out, I would be beaten for having passed out. I was not permitted to speak aloud, take baths, wear clean clothes, or own anything. We were constantly moving around by Greyhound Busses and taxi-cabs to avoid my mother being caught by law enforcement. But there was something else: when I was with my mother in the presence of other people, she suddenly became someone else, like a light that is turned on or off instantly by a switch. She became polite! She told people that I was unable to speak, wouldn't eat, and wouldn't take baths - because as she said, I was mentally retarded! She complained to people about how awful it was for her to be burdened by such a horrible child. She was a very convincing liar. People acted as if they believed her. The moment the other people were gone, the light switch changed again and she would return to being the monster.
I just want other people to know that if you are being abused, the longer you stay with the abuser, the worse the affect will be on you. You could even become permanently scarred like me - I may actually be beyond repair. Please get help immediately. Talk to people even if you don't know them or you are ashamed of yourself for allowing someone to hurt you. Talk to school counselors, church members, total strangers if you have to. Remember that some people don't survive abuse mentally or physically intact, but you can. If I had as a child run away or had someone to talk to, I might have faired worse or better, but for whatever reason, I stayed with a monster, and I paid a price. Be strong, stay alive, keep yourself intact, get help. You are too precious to be hurt "simply because you exist."
Beaumont
I just want other people to know that if you are being abused, the longer you stay with the abuser, the worse the affect will be on you. You could even become permanently scarred like me - I may actually be beyond repair. Please get help immediately. Talk to people even if you don't know them or you are ashamed of yourself for allowing someone to hurt you. Talk to school counselors, church members, total strangers if you have to. Remember that some people don't survive abuse mentally or physically intact, but you can. If I had as a child run away or had someone to talk to, I might have faired worse or better, but for whatever reason, I stayed with a monster, and I paid a price. Be strong, stay alive, keep yourself intact, get help. You are too precious to be hurt "simply because you exist."
Beaumont
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You never know who you might help on this board. YOU may have saved someones life today. If only kids would TELL. Maybe not run away, but tell. Tell and ask for help. That's the message I got from your post and that's a powerful message.
I never told ...
My mother was also my "monster" but she was more "part-time" than yours. More driven by drink and stress. Sometimes she loved me ... sometimes not. It was during the "not" times that I had to watch out.
I hope you will change your mind about being "beyond repair."
I used to think that no one could help me either ... until I realized that by thinking that way I was allowing my abusers to CONTINUE to hurt me ... even as an adult.
As soon as I realized that, I took away their lingering power by focusing my energy on healing and recovery. I try every day to make good choices for myself and to do good things for myself. It's not easy, since we were programmed that we don't deserve good things.
When I make bad choices ... when, in essence, I harm myself (drinking, smoking, overeating, ect.) I allow their abuse to continue.
Seeing things in this way has helped me. I know I'm not beyond repair but I do know it's going to take a whole lotta time under the hood.
I wish you peace, strenght and healing on your journey. ((HUGS))
but she was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder [along with lots of other things]
i lived with a bit of abuse b/c i simply didn't know what else to do. it's so scary when there's just this one person in the world that you depend on...and they become vicious...
it's hard to let go when i know there is the good side to her as well. =[
your story helps to keep me strong on that one... i am getting out of school in a month....and going back home to sort out the details of the job hunt and such...
i worry about her...she's never lived a lone before. but i also know that this is her last chance to really hurt me....something sick in me knows it...we both do =[
Anyway, I wish I heard of this site many years ago this may have helped me atleast before I am beyond repair.
Big Huggs to you! I am truly sorry for your pain.
I thought I had escaped being in that kind of chaotic environment, but I also ran into more than one boss who'd do similar things. I had one boss who didn't have a clue what she was doing and would ask me questions that had no answer, get more and more demanding as I'd try first to figure out what she could be asking and then later try to verbalize my inability to answer. After being tenderized by by dad, I was ripe to be sent in to even greater panic attacks and near passing out at my desk and crying in the office.
I'm sorry to say that I am still affected, and it's been years since those formative experiences. Good news though, understanding what's going on and why, as well as therapy and meds have helped me a lot. I'm less high-functioning than I was at one time, but I'm also better equipped to take care of myself. And I have a support system made up of people and animals who love me regardless of state of mind at any given moment...
Please stay hopeful! Sometimes I think of my life as a really long grieving process -- I'm grieving for the person I was and could have been had these things not happened to me. I can't recall off the top of my head what the grieving cycle is (sadness, anger, acceptance, etc.). I'm not sure where I am in the process, but I'm closer to accepting that I am who I am and learning how to have a good life being the way I am.
Think happy thoughts, put your smile on, and have the best imaginable day!
I survived abuse from my father as a child who was completely jekyll and hyde. He was an undiagnosed bipolar and the monster would come out during his manic phases or whenever he got drunk which was all the time.
When he was in a good mood he was completely charming. he could captivate a room full of people, he could be sweet, he taught me how to play chess and cricket, I have a lot of good memories going fishing, dancing and playing, normal childhood memories.
sometimes that just makes it harder to remember the other side, the side that would break things, throw dishes, hit my mom, yell at all of us, the side that held my sister over the second story balcony and threatened to drop her. The side that raped my sister and then me day after night after day for years in closets, in our beds, in his bed.
His side of the family, his new wife, still refuse to believe the things we say because he has completely charmed them. they have never seen the monster and think we are crazy. but we know we are not every day, I know it was real every day I wake up and want to fucking die, that I am too afraid to leave the house.
But I know that he did not break me, that I am not past fixing every day I wake up and get out that door and laugh with friends and make art and love my life.
Beaumont you survived and you are still alive, that is enough to prove you arn't broken. Keep going and you will only get stronger.
To any children or teens living with abusive parents. tell someone, please. Even if you think it's not real or it happened a long time ago and it doesn't matter anymore, the psychological terror you are living with being under their roof is still damaging you and you deserve to get out, even though they are your parents, you do NOT belong to them. YOU ARE YOUR OWN value and love yourself.
I wanted to reply because you were kind enough to welcome me as a new forum member and because you offered some help regarding a forum I'm trying to get up-and-running (Troublesome Neighbors).
I just read your initial post. I'm ten years older than you, and I can't laugh. I DO believe there comes a point where attempting to "have faith," "look at the bright side," and "think positive" are absolutely meaningless: *that* is how bad abuse can be.
I hope you have found relief in positive thinking or in whatever gets you through the night, but as for myself, I find that even though I do get through the nights--and the days--I am not grateful. I am not grateful in any way for a life of never-ending abuse; and I admit I find it extremely hard to find anything positive about "surviving" abuse at an age when my own old age is beginning.
Sorry for being honest--sincerely sorry. But I thought that since your initial post is so heartrending, I had to honor it with what for me, now, is the truth.
God Bless.
I was married for 39 yrs to a Jekyll/Hyde man. People thought I was the crazy one. His abuse was so subtle, I never realized i was being abused until about 3 yrs ago. I'm sure most people still think I'm nuts for having left such a wonderful, caring husband. Little do they know.
I'm really glad you posted this as I think it will help lots of people. hugs!!!