Hi all,

Its been such a long time since Ive posted on this board, so many of you probably arent aware of me & my experience.
Its the same as all of yours. It always is, isnt it? The abuser who plays with our minds, our hearts, makes us not know left from right, up from down, nevermind right from wrong.

When I first came, it was just over a year ago. I was full of fear, anxiety, remorse, blame & pain, pain, pain. I had so many questions, I couldnt understand. I wrote, I listened, I made some friends & read and read and read. All the reading helped me so much, all the talking helped so much to ease my mind.

This spring, I really thought I was going to fall to pieces. I had been charged with an assault with a weapon. The weapon? The stick shift off my van that he broke off when I was trying to get away from him. He said if he wasnt going home, neither was I. Man was he right.

So..I sued him for damages. I won. It was the hardest thing, I was shaking like a leaf, could barely hold a pen, but I did it.
Tried to collect the money..just got me put in jail.twice.

I just couldnt do it anymore, I was falling apart so I stayed away from DS to try to help my mind to forget. I got a little wayward, lost my job, was losing my house, so I just moved out, but I have a better job now, and a better house now & today..

Im finally done. I went to court today to fight the assault charges, armed with 20 lbs in files. Im a purchaser and an estimator, Im a far cry from a lawyer..but I did it. With no lawyer at my side. I couldnt qualify for a free one & I couldnt pay for one. The assault charge got dropped because I told the prosecutor, I will show her pictures from that night, I will show him for the abuser he is & yes, I finally fought back.

She wanted to give me probation for breach that I got for going to his work when I wasnt supposed to, but I needed that money from the garnishment I fought for & I said no. No probation. I dont need that hanging over my head. She says, I want to keep the no contact order in tact between you two. I said no. hes been using that against me for a year, saying if I dont do what he wants, he will call the police, and he has. I have a no contact order in force & I want it enforced. I said, Ill pay a fine, she agreed. $300 later (which hell pay for with his money lol, just like he did for my move), Im finally done!!

Now I can go where I want
When I want
With who I want
Whenever the heck I feel like it.

The point to this post, is that you know..one day, it all WILL be better, if you want it to be. You must find the inner strength inside you, even when you feel like jello, you must cry through it & keep taking baby steps & one day, you will make it too & feel on top of the world.

It is possible to live life without the pain of abuse. You can survive it. You can become all youve ever wanted & get all you ever wanted, but you need to make sure, you keep taking those baby steps towards the light.

I wish you all the very very best.
Big big hugs & lots of love to you all!!
Gizella
xoxxoxxoxo