Violet,
I am so sorry, that you are going through this.
There is no doubt that you are being abused. If you have another place you can go to get some peace, I would go. If you don't have a place right now, I would make a plan to get out, and then work toward that goal.
I wish you the best of luck!!

((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you so much gem. I want to leave so badly. So you really believe its emotional abuse? What signs show you that I'm being abused?

Absolutely everything you said is what abusers do---EVERYTHING you said they do to you.

"They bully me and make fun of me. The problem lies with my mom who hits me, cusses at me and tells me I'm almost overweight and my friends/doctors are lying when they say I am at a normal weight. The other day she told me my opinions don't matter and I can't have one."

Bullying and making fun of someone is abuse. Your Mom hits,and cusses at you. She tries to make you feel bad by telling you, you are fat when the Dr. says you are not. Your opinions don't matter and you can't have one??????? What kind of nonsense is that???? All of that is abuse. Parents are supposed to support you in what you want to do. They are supposed to encourage you and LISTEN to you.
Violet, if you are still in school, I bet there is a counselor or a favorite teacher you could talk to. I think school counselors are good people. Please talk to someone.
If nothing else go to the closest womens shelter and tell someone there. They would be good to help you figure out something.
Good luck!!!!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))

Yes, this is emotional abuse. I understand how hard it can be to see your situation as it is since you might be so used to being treated that way that it seems normal to you. I have been emotionally abused most of my life-- and a few times physically. I used to feel like I was an "attention getter" if I even acknowledged this as an issue because it was okay since I wasn't having bruises all over me. However, emotional abuse is worse. I was treated so poorly growing up, and I am 25 years old, and I am still treated poorly. I am working through this issue. I really understand you, and I am sorry you are dealing with this.

A great book for Christ believers who struggle with these sort of things is the book "Boundaries". I really encourage you to go buy the book and give it a try, whether or not you are a reader, you will see this book will be beneficial to your emotional health and understanding of where you belong in the world.

I also posted a journal entry about this issue. I understand. I am sorry you are dealing with this....

I have a plan. Which is to go to my boyfriend's family and talk to them and see if I could stay with them. I want to talk to my youth minister but I'm afraid he'd talk to my mom or get her in trouble. Then I'd b in trouble. But I'm tired of her treating me this way. She makes fun of me every time I cry too. I just wish I could get out. I want a real family. One that supports me and doesn't call me a loser, tell me I'm fat or ugly (siblings tell me every day). My mom and family are so disappointed in me because I also can't drive. I have a permit but I'm just scared to drive. My mom says I'm not ready to drive on roads with people and stop signs. That makes me feel worthless when they bring it up. I'm tired of lying to people about how I feel. I also noticed I wake up a few times during the night every night. Why is this?

Hon ----

I'm so sorry you're being
treated like this. It's abuse.

Would you consider talking
to an adult in your school
system. In the U.S., there
is a system for protecting
children. (At 17 you're
still considered a child.
That's the GOOD news.
That means they could
help PROTECT you.)

Please talk to someone
at school! You shouldn't
have to grow up under
the roof of abuse.

I have to point out that with so much shame and expectation heaped upon you in regards to the driving, it's no wonder you don't. You'll be mocked if you don't do it perfectly, after all - and you can't do it perfectly if you never practice. So you don't, and you're mocked for that. That's the kind of spiral of defeat we're all pretty familiar with around here. One of the toughest things to learn is allowing yourself to make mistakes, without feeling like you're about to be beaten for doing so. I wish you well.

Thank you. I am sick of being treated this way. I was reasearching child abuse and all emotional abuse usually leads to physical abuse. Once I read that it scared me. I'm terrified now. She has hit me several times before. Once with a shoe (to the stomach). She doesn't hit me hard enough to leave bruises but hard enough to hurt and get her point across. When I try to walk away when me and her are fighting that angers her. When I get tongue tied or have nothing to say to her that makes her even angrier. What do I do when we are fighting? My only options are to fight back or take the abuse. I'm so lost, scared and upset.

But it doesn't matter. I can never get away from this.

Yes you can get away from this! Ilene suggested you talk to someone at school. If there is no one there, talk to your doctor or call your local women's shelter. They will get you to the people that can help you.

If you look in your Bible, it will tell you what love is and what it isn't. And, while I can't remember the specific verse, I'm pretty sure it says that it's patient and kind and that it doesn't dishonor others and that it protects and is not easy to anger.

I share this with you not so you can present it to your mother (because she will deny and use it against you). I share this with you so you can learn the difference between what a good parent should be like, according to the Bible.

You deserve to be in a loving, kind, protective, respectful environment so you can blossom into the beautiful young women you were meant to be.

Once you brought up 1 Corinthians 13 I froze. It's hard to describe the feeling but the words of that verse started buzzing in my head and it about made me cry. Honestly right now I feel numb. I've been so upset for so long I don't feel sad I am numb. The reason my mom acts the way she does is because of me. It's my fault. When we argue I fight back because 1. It's all I know what to do in the moment 2. I won't accept I'm not right. Is the abuse my fault because of how I act when we argue/fight.

No it's has nothing to do with you, who u are, what u look like and how u act and react, it's all to do with her. She is responsible for her actions, which are abusive, people are entitled to disagree and you're disagreeing with her and rightfully so! But whether u agree or disagree makes zero odds towards the person she is!

Violet, please talk to someone. I want you to think about the emotional life you want to live in the future. Your mind is being trained at this time, learning what to accept and what not to accept from future friends, employers and significant others. Right now what you are learning is to stuff your emotions down in deference to everyone around you. Being a child certainly does mean you need to reasonably obey your parents. But your soul should not be crushed every day. Your mother may have other issues going on that you are unaware of, such as mental illness. Sometimes people that are mentally ill lash out at others indiscriminately, inappropriately and for no reason. Only you know if this could be true.

While I agree that you need to find a safe place to be, I would encourage you to seek out a women's shelter rather than living with your boyfriend. It's so easy to gravitate to the "known" rather than the unknown. It may be very tempting to you to escalate a relationship with your boyfriend, when what you truly need to do is keep appropriate boundaries with him and focus on working on yourself and your future. Also, we live what we are taught and you want to be sure that your 17 years of "training" from your mother doesn't come to bear in your life and future relationships. In other words, you need to do some hard work to be able to break the cycle of abuse. I wish you the very best in your life.

violet, please know that it doesn't matter how much your mother blames you or even how bad you think you are, NOTHING....NOT ANYTHING, makes it ok for your mother to treat you the way she does. I brought up that part of the Bible because I wanted you to see that God doesn't think it's ok for any reason for anyone to treat another person the way your mother treats you.

Hitting is NEVER EVER ok - EVER! Neither is cussing at you and blaming you for her actions.

You're not perfect or right all the time, neither am I. None of us are - but that doesn't give any parent the right to abuse their child - EVER!

The abuse is NEVER your fault, regardless of how you act.

Violet, I had been through the same abuse as a child. Let me tell you what verbal abuse, and physical abuse is, so you know.. Physical abuse is : hitting , punching, slapping, kicking. pushing,spitting, shoving, throwing any household item at you. Verbal abuse goes with mental abuse: being called stupid, ugly, a bad word, being called fat, or using words that do not build you up. Any word that makes you feel bad about yourself. Tricking you into thinking something, but, in reality, this is not true. Scaring you in any way..I know how hard this is to comprehend. Our parents are the ones that are supposed to love us, and protect us, not to inflict pain on us on purpose. I know how confusing this can be. I am sorry you are going through this. I am much older than you, and I have made some bad choices in my adult life because of my horrible, abusive childhood. It's good that you realize something is not right with the way you are being treated. You are not safe living in this household. Is there a favorite teacher of yours, or a nurse at school you can talk to ? You cannot handle this alone. From right now, I want you to write down everything that has happened to you. I want you to hide it in a place no one can find this. The more incidents you can document, the better...Also, see if you can stay with a girlfriend's family, or a relative..that would be getting you out of the house. Take care. You are not alone. I would be happy to talk to you further if you would like to private message me.