sounds like it. Although perhaps in a sick way (and most inappropriately) she is actually expressing her wish?

I've never heard a totally dedicated parent make a statement like that.

Don't worry too much about the kids, they are SOOOO smart, and they know what's going on, even when they pretend not to. They see which parent is really there and which one uses them for collateral.

good luck getting custody!

well first how old are the kids? next are they old enough to make that very important choice next i think that it partly was a emotional game to her sorta saying well if u and daddy decide to do this then u don't get to see me is that what u want kinda thing. next depending on the age it could be looked very bad upon by the judge. good luck and hope u the best

From what you have told us, it sounds like it. My parents were always very careful about not trashing the other in front of me (if that helps).

The remark she made to your children sounds very controlling to me and yes, that is abuse. Control is abuse. It seems as though she's trying to turn them against you for taking them from her in that "she can't stick around because you now have them". That's just awful to do to a child.

I'd move forward with custody if I were you, you sound very stable and genuinely concerned to me in the other posts and replies I've seen from you, your children deserve to be treated better.

Best wishes to you.

I think it is.

Thanks. My kids are 14, 10, and 7. I know that they all love their mother very much and want to spend time with her ... but I feel that she is manipulating their emotions in order to get her way. Thanks for the votes of confidence.

Well, I'm not voting yet. The reason is that your post was very blaming and one sided. That makes me wonder. Also you have given only your judgment and a report of what she said and which I am guessing comes from one of your children. And I'm wondering why she would say that, IF she did. It strikes me as if there is an untold story going on and it seems like a lot of bitterness to go with it.

I stated in another post that i felt that person should get there children out of the custodial parents house immediately. I shared that I have been through this with my stbx and his 2 sons. I have 2 daughters. we got the boys and none to soon. The thing is here that there is not enough information. Supporting someone to start the gruesome ordeal to take someone's kids away from them should not be taken lightly. There is a lot at stake. Everybody has their moments of dysfunction where they might say or do something they shouldn't. An abusive parent that does not make. Is she creating a life for herself and that is being misconstrued as "lack of concern"? Was she already thinking about moving? Do you two get along? if so have you tried to voice your concern? What else has happened that would warrant taking someone's kids away from them? Are they in danger? have they been hurt physically sexually spiritually? You can't go to a judge and say "She made this emotional manipulative statement I want my kids." What does showing lack of concern look like? What kind of mother was she before you were divorced? could it be possible that she is going through an unpleasant phase as a result of the divorce? I've see this before. These are all questions I would ask myself before I took such an action. And I for one need more valid information before i can support such an action.... I would definately let her know they shared that with you and that it is inappropriate and unacceptable to you. If she wasn't already thinking of moving then it is manipulation. Get the whole story. My youngest daughter had her whole school (a small private) thinking I was neglecting her when in truth I went out 1 night a week to a Al-anon meeting. I was like Aunt Bee, always present for my kids. Of course she was 3 or 4 at the time but you just never know..... And I would like to caution everyone out there that there are 2 sides to every story and that child custody is serious business, a lot of people can be hurt. It's hard to know what's really going on from a few posts on the internet. Don't jump the gun.

I am married to an abusive woman. I would like nothing more than to divorce her, get full custody of my daughter, and never see her again. However I can't tear my child away from her mother. If I detect that she is abusing my daughter, I WILL file for the divorce and sue for full custody. However, she may be a terrible wife, but so far she's been a good mother. So I moved out and put up with the abuse, for now, and make sure I spend as much time with my daughter as she does.

I don't know your situation, so it's hard to say anything. Remember, kids need BOTH parents, even if parents don't live together and don't get along. If she indeed said that, than it's emotional blackmail. But what was the context?

That's a tough one without seeing the whole picture.

My ex is definitely establishing a life of her own. She is going out at least 4 to 5 nights a week to drink and party with friends. She is inviting her boyfriend (that she has only known for 3 weeks) to spend the night at the home when the kids are there. I pick up the kids at the same time on the nights I have them with the intention of bringing them home by 9:00 PM. She typically requests that I bring them home at 9:30 PM as I pick them up and then calls me later to tell me she won't be home until 10:00 to 10:30 PM most of the time. Do these things sound like the type of activities that the primary custodial parent should be doing?

To my knowledge, she is not planning on moving. The bulk of her family and support system live within 30 minutes of her home. She requested the home as part of the divorce settlement and threatened me over custody of the children during the divorce, telling me they would be better off and more comfortable being in the same home they have been in for the past 3 years. She requested that I move to a place that was close to where she is so it would be easier on the children and transportation between her place and my place would be easier.

We are able to talk with each other and I do plan on talking to her about the comment she made to the children. I am concerned that she will turn around and lash out at the children for telling me what she said. That has been her M.O. in the past. She has never been much of a parent to our children ... "absentee" is the first word that comes to mind. I was both mother and father to our children from the time each of them were born. None of them were breastfed and I was the one that go up with them 95% of the time to feed them or change their diapers during the night. She even admitted as much on Mother's day when the kids would do special presentations at church. She would say, "You know this is for you, don't you?"

I am not basing my impression of my ex based on this single comment from the kids. It has been multiple comments and my own experience with her. It is based on her spending hours upon hours on the phone talking to her friends when the kids have homework. It is based upon them having to "baby-sit" themselves while she goes out for the evening to socialize with her friends. It is based upon them having a sitter or going to a grandparent or aunts house multiple times a week because she needs to go out and spend time with her friends. It is based upon them being afraid of asking her homework questions because she is on the phone and will yell at them for interrupting "her time". It is based on her attitude and life philosophy of "me first" and "what have YOU done for ME lately."

I have no problem with her having her own life. I realize that she needs more time than just the weekends and couple of nights a week that I have the children. But 5 nights a week? That is a bit excessive in my book. And telling the kids that she would have to move out of state if I had custody of the children? That is emotional blackmail, plain and simple.

And as a side note. I don't care if my ex chooses to drink, party, have her boyfriend over for the night, or talks on the phone for hours on end. If that is what she chooses to do then that it great. However, that is not the type of environment that is good for the children. My concern is for them and their well being.

It does sound manipulative. I would call her on this, but NOT in front of the children. I think you should hear her side of the story. Misunderstandings often occur. Its surprising she would make these statements, and they could definitely be damaging to her in a custody case.

I would NOT call her on this in front of the children. But I do plan on talking to her about this. The ironic thing is, just 33 days ago, she told me she was getting married and wanted to sit down and discuss changing our custody agreement to joint physical custody. Now she is telling the kids that she would have to move away? Can you say M-A-N-I-P-U-L-A-T-I-O-N?