Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have an accepted offer on a little place in town, pending financing. 38 years together with my h, alot of verbal/emotional abuse over the years. In such a deep dark hole and just couldn't go on here. My date to move is mid June and the closer it gets the more sad i get. I cannot quit crying and feeling so empty, scared and alone. I have been breaking down at work, which is very bad cause i deal with the public, and once I start crying, can't make myself stop. I thought my kids were supportive and my family but it feels like everyone is pulling away and not really there for me. I keep crying in front of my h and trying to hide it from him and he just kinda ignores it. Sometimes it feels like as bad as our marriage is, he is the only one i have, which i really know i don't have. I can't eat, can't sleep without meds. God, how do we get into such a mess, feel like I'll die if I stay here, but gonna die if I leave. I can't stand hurting everyone and having my kids so sad. My h is so good at telling them how he just can't understand how I can do this to us all, and they feel so bad for him. Tried once to see a counsellor but they wanted to put me in a room with a 2 way mirror so a bunch could watch while one talked to me. Flatly refused, I have enough trouble opening up to one person, there is no way I could have an audience. I know everyone says it will get better but i don't know, feels like i would not make it that long. Feel like such a wimp, keep telling myself i am strong, i can do this, but i can't, just can't. Dying feels easier.
Perhaps searching for a different counsellor who does not want to have others view you through a 2 way mirror would be part of your path. You CAN do this. If you've endured what you have for as long as you have, you can certainly move into the next phase of your life with courage and grace. Lean on friends, counsellor, the DS community, your pastor, whomever you need for support.
I went to divorcecare.org and signed up for their daily emails. They were dead on to what I was feeling everyday. It helped me to understand my pain. It does have religious references, but it was a value to educate me in my pain.
Good Luck to you. It does get better with time.
I am so very sorry you are going through this. 38 years of emotional/verbal abuse is 38 years to many.
I wish you could do something every day just for you as a treat to maybe help you feel better. Even a hot bubble bath or a walk out side. Read a good book. Anything to make your mind think of other things. You need something that may help you to lighten the mood a little. I know that is really a reach, but you never know. Some little thing may help. It does take time and hopefully you will feel better when you are in your new place. Try and see the positive side to living without abuse.
Please don't let other people who have no idea what you went through make you feel guilty. How dare they. They have NO IDEA how miserable it can be to live with an abuser.
I really hope you get to feeling better.
BTW, I am 64 my abusive hubby died 10 years ago, I am living alone and am NOT lonely. I love being able to do anything I want when I want, and free to go anywhere I want..
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
It's never too late to look for happiness. And you have every bit as much right to look for happiness for yourself as anyone else does. It's up to us to find our own happiness - that goes for your grown up kids too. What you choose to do is nobody's business but yours.
Just remember, anyone who can survive with abuse can and WILL thrive without it. You have survived 38 years with abuse - isn't it time to thrive?
May I ask: is it possible that you're in the grieving stage?
EAN
Yes, there will be good and bad days, and we will be here through all of them.
Take care - I'm glad you are doing nice things for yourself.