Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So I get the courage to leave my emotionally abusive husband of 20 years. I endure a compete life altering change of a divorce but also forced to quit my job of almost 12 years (because my manager started spreading derogatory things around the office that my divorce was because I think I'm all that). I start a new job just under 3 months ago and I really thought my life was starting over on the right foot.... Boy was I wrong......
My life over the last almost 90 days has been a living hell. From the first day I started I was given specific instructions on the requirements and expectations of my job (which are no different than what I have been doing for 18 & 1/2 years), I was initially praised for doing the job well, was told that they were right in selecting me, etc. and things seemed to be going good.
Long story short there is someone that I have to work with daily that does not like me. I don't know why but it is so bad that it has been said by thia person to everyone that I am a liar, I can't be trusted, tells people that I'm going to get my company in trouble, etc. etc., etc.
When I approached my management team they advised me that I have done nothing wrong, everything I am doing is accurate, not only in compliance with company policies but in compliance with state laws and to continue doing what I am.
No matter what I do (even trying to go above and beyond) this person continues reporting me to my manager and upper management which in turn gets back to me with a response of, you are not doing anything wrong but now we want you to do it the way this other person wants.
This constant stress and nit picking (which is entirely unnecessary and my manager has even confirmed this) has caused me nothing but anxiety and I honestly feel like im getting depressed. In addition I was told by another person that I only do one aspect of my job well and that does not make a good employee. A little side note... In all the years i have been in my line of work i built a very reputable reputation for myself. I have never been treated this horribly, ever.
I am constantly given the cold shoulder, dirty looks, rude, disrespectful and unprofessional comments, my integrity and reputation is questioned daily.
I put in more hours than I ever have, which for the work load (aside from the constant harassment) should be manageable, including not spending as much time as I would like with my kids (which is already cut in half because of custody arrangement from my divorce).
In the past, including my last job, I have worked twice the work load and was able to not only manage it successfully but repeatedly received high accolades for my work product, my professionalism, my ethics, approach to the job, and received promotions as a result of it.
I have raised my concerns about the treatment I receive to my management only to be told that I need to just "let it roll off my shoulders", don't take what is said seriously, etc., etc., etc.
I was contacted last week from a former colleague of mine with information that shocked me...... The company I work for is looking to replace me (behind my back) despite my management telling me just last week when I asked if they thought it this was going to get better and I was told yes, to just keep doing what I am and give it time.
I don't know if I am over analyzing or being too sensitive but I feel like my feelings have no value, I am being made to think I am over reacting. I work in a career (which are most anyway) where my reputation means everything and to have this happen is very disheartening and distressing.
I really feel so devalued and worthless. The one thing in my life that I felt I did a good job at (considering all my marriage I was made to feel so bad about myself) I now feel like there is something wrong with me. It has me second guessing myself all the time. It's like I have the same feelings of worthlessness as I did when I was married but just in my job, is that possible? Or is abuse just marital or parental?
Sorry for the length. Thanks for listening/reading. I never in a million years thought I would be coming back and needing advice for something like this.
My life over the last almost 90 days has been a living hell. From the first day I started I was given specific instructions on the requirements and expectations of my job (which are no different than what I have been doing for 18 & 1/2 years), I was initially praised for doing the job well, was told that they were right in selecting me, etc. and things seemed to be going good.
Long story short there is someone that I have to work with daily that does not like me. I don't know why but it is so bad that it has been said by thia person to everyone that I am a liar, I can't be trusted, tells people that I'm going to get my company in trouble, etc. etc., etc.
When I approached my management team they advised me that I have done nothing wrong, everything I am doing is accurate, not only in compliance with company policies but in compliance with state laws and to continue doing what I am.
No matter what I do (even trying to go above and beyond) this person continues reporting me to my manager and upper management which in turn gets back to me with a response of, you are not doing anything wrong but now we want you to do it the way this other person wants.
This constant stress and nit picking (which is entirely unnecessary and my manager has even confirmed this) has caused me nothing but anxiety and I honestly feel like im getting depressed. In addition I was told by another person that I only do one aspect of my job well and that does not make a good employee. A little side note... In all the years i have been in my line of work i built a very reputable reputation for myself. I have never been treated this horribly, ever.
I am constantly given the cold shoulder, dirty looks, rude, disrespectful and unprofessional comments, my integrity and reputation is questioned daily.
I put in more hours than I ever have, which for the work load (aside from the constant harassment) should be manageable, including not spending as much time as I would like with my kids (which is already cut in half because of custody arrangement from my divorce).
In the past, including my last job, I have worked twice the work load and was able to not only manage it successfully but repeatedly received high accolades for my work product, my professionalism, my ethics, approach to the job, and received promotions as a result of it.
I have raised my concerns about the treatment I receive to my management only to be told that I need to just "let it roll off my shoulders", don't take what is said seriously, etc., etc., etc.
I was contacted last week from a former colleague of mine with information that shocked me...... The company I work for is looking to replace me (behind my back) despite my management telling me just last week when I asked if they thought it this was going to get better and I was told yes, to just keep doing what I am and give it time.
I don't know if I am over analyzing or being too sensitive but I feel like my feelings have no value, I am being made to think I am over reacting. I work in a career (which are most anyway) where my reputation means everything and to have this happen is very disheartening and distressing.
I really feel so devalued and worthless. The one thing in my life that I felt I did a good job at (considering all my marriage I was made to feel so bad about myself) I now feel like there is something wrong with me. It has me second guessing myself all the time. It's like I have the same feelings of worthlessness as I did when I was married but just in my job, is that possible? Or is abuse just marital or parental?
Sorry for the length. Thanks for listening/reading. I never in a million years thought I would be coming back and needing advice for something like this.
Here is a link to help you learn a bit more.
http://jobs.aol.com/articles/2013/10/22/workplace-bullying/
I hope this helps. Take care!
I agree, you have a bully working in your office. I don't know why she is picking on you unless maybe she is jealous of you and the good job you do.
I would try and ignore as much as possible and just go about your work, not letting her see you are upset and when you are not working I would be going all out to find another job.
I know you don't want to start over again, but you really don't want to work under this much stress either. Stress kills.
I really hope everything works out.
Please take care of yourself.
((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))
I am sorry for what you are going through. There are "misery makers" in this world.
What may be of concern is the person who told you that your company is going to replace you. If you believe this has merit, then it would be best to look for another job ... but do not quit this one ... until you have secured another.
The bully is insecure and has issues that he/she is projecting onto you. Do not devalue yourself; you know you are good at what you do and that you are doing a good job. Easy to say all of this, I know.
Good luck and please let us know how it goes. I wish you the best.
Windimorning
abuse is abuse
wherever and
by whomever
it's perpetrated.
Second. . . . .
You are brave
and strong
and
highly competent.
You are not over analyzing.
You are NOT "too sensitive."
It's a shame that this is
the current situation, but
from here, it looks like
your best bet is to begin
looking for a new job.
It is your prerogative to
NOT hang out anywhere
you end up feeling
devalued and worthless.
You've made courageous
choices to this point in time.
You can make another
courageous and
self-caring choice,
now.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
all the best things.
It sucks. It's not you. Hope you find a good job soon!!!!!
The higher-ups sound like they are unwilling to put their foot down about this person's attitude, which means that you get landed with the stress all the time, which you should not have to be dealing with.
Sorry, the only thing I can think of to save you is looking for another job. I loved mine, but the boss made it intolerable so I left too. It's just so awful and unnecessary for people to go round treating others like this. Huge hugs, and I hope you get a better job soon xxx
I saw my therapist today and sitting in her office I truly felt like I did one of the first days I started counseling before my divorce.
She helped me see as you all have that it is not me, and that even though Im trying everything and doing everything I'm being asked to (even if it is not how the law states) that it will never be good enough. She pointed out that from what I told her it sounded like it was this way from day one and if I think back she is right.
I have actually been looking almost desperately for the last 3 weeks for a job. The defining moment for me was when one of the people (my client) told me I am horrible at my job. This was not only rude, disrespectful, unprofessional but also defaming my character and my reputation. I just wish I would have been able to say that.
I also talked to my therapist how all of this stress has made me start questioning my decision to get a divorce even though the minute it entered my mind I knew it was ludicrous. She said it is actually very normal not only for the stage I am at with my divorce but also with the stress I am under. I told her that I just feel under even more pressure because I am now a single income mother of two, if my company replaces me before I find a job what the hell do I do? It will spin me out of control.
I am so scared, stressed, tired and angry. I'm trying to have faith in god and trying to see that even through trials and tribulations there is something better for me on the other side of the storm.
Thank you so much for all of your support. You are all so wonderful!