Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
When I found out my boyfriend had cheated on me with someone we both worked with and had tormented me about my suspicions saying " is the only way I can get rid of you if I cheat on you?! Please I want a restraining order against you, you're mental". Well I said, because I was so stupid and only 18, that we can continue our relationship if he sacrifices his social life, so he did this. He doesn't go out or do anything with any girls near or involved. But the abuse has got stronger. It was there from the
Moment I thought something had happened and accused him (which I was correct in) and he denied it and called me a psycho. But I never told ANYONE he cheated and he's just so mean to me. I feel so fat and ugly, even though he's never said this, just because he tells me to F off all the time or calls me names. I want to move on so bad but I'm so scared! I wants soul mate or just someone who doesn't wish I was someone else.
I'm still with this guy who makes every day miserable,
I'm doing well at university, getting the top grades because I can distinguish him from reality. But I cry myself to sleep every night praying hopefully someone does love me. One day.
But is it my fault he's so mean and violent with me? Because he can't go out? I just want to mean something to someone
Moment I thought something had happened and accused him (which I was correct in) and he denied it and called me a psycho. But I never told ANYONE he cheated and he's just so mean to me. I feel so fat and ugly, even though he's never said this, just because he tells me to F off all the time or calls me names. I want to move on so bad but I'm so scared! I wants soul mate or just someone who doesn't wish I was someone else.
I'm still with this guy who makes every day miserable,
I'm doing well at university, getting the top grades because I can distinguish him from reality. But I cry myself to sleep every night praying hopefully someone does love me. One day.
But is it my fault he's so mean and violent with me? Because he can't go out? I just want to mean something to someone
If you want to mean something to someone, you need to start by meaning something to you. Start by respecting and loving yourself enough to walk away from someone who cheats on you and abuses you and makes you feel awful. If you stay with him, you will get more of the same. If you walk away and work on your self-esteem and self-love, then a world of possibilities opens up.
It is human to want to mean the world to someone, but first we must start with meaning something to our self.
Nothing that's he's
said or done is
your fault.
In fact, (and this may
be both the good news
and the bad news). . . .
nothing he says or does
has anything TO DO WITH YOU!
He's mean and violent
because he's damaged inside.
His actions are NOT
your fault.
Please consider the
following facts:
His violence and abuse
will GET WORSE.
YOU CANNOT
do anything
to stop this.
He WILL HURT YOU.
You DO mean something to him.
You're VITAL to him because
YOU are his designated VICTIM.
He will hang onto you tenaciously
because his emotional injury
REQUIRES that he has a victim.
As long as you remain with him
you will fill this need
and this role.
Please, immediately. . . .
call or visit your nearest
women's aid centre.
They will help you
develop a SAFETY PLAN.
PLEASE DO THAT.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
all good things.
In a way, I guess I consider rmyself an expert on abuse. My X abused me for 28 years. Just got out of that marriage!
We deserve better.
Danielle798, no it is not your fault. Nobody deserves to be abused by someone they love.
It took me years to finally accept my role in staying with an abusive man. I spent entire months asking myself what I did wrong, and why he is so angry, defensive, and hypocritical. It had to be something I did, said, or didn't do.... I became extremely depressed, frustrated, angry, and finally ended up doing drugs after being clean 15 years, in attempt to "medicate" my tortured mind. HE WAS NOT DOING THIS TO ME, I was ALLOWING him to try and turn me against my self!
I knew our "relationship" was dysfunctional. I believed it could be good - IF I could figure out how to change it. NO relationship can be changed unless both people WANT change, both are aware of their shortcomings, and both work equally and together towards the same goal.
Your boyfriend does not have any of the basic tools needed to make any intimate relationship work. Absolutely nothing you say or do, will change that. Nothing any woman now, and mostly likely for many years, will change anything about him.
You fear not finding love at 18 years old??? How many years of real life experience do you have? How do you know what real love really is? How can you fear what you do not know anything about? Love does NOT just happen because you want or think you need it to. In fact, very few of us even know exactly what real love is. Your boyfriend has no clue what love is. As long as you stay around him, your chances of learning what love is, decrease.
LEARN, let yourself regain inner strength, love yourself, experience life, smile. Love has to be in you, in order for it be with you. You can't receive love, until you have enough self love to give. When you have self love, you will know who is the right man to give it to.
I will never again, let anyone try to convince me I am not fit to receive love. I will not waste another minute of my time with that person.
The one who drove me to this site with head games would do something like...say there was a good chance he was coming to my city for christmas, and then disappear. Then when he would contact me again and I would not be thrilled with him, he would call me "bitter." Bitter?! Really? ha Guess I should be really happy then!
You see how they turn the blame around? That's what they do!