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Is he gaslighting my son?

Cali123
Cali123
On Friday night, my H and I had an argument. As he so commonly does when we argue, he told me that he needed some alone time with his son - away from me. So, I really don't know what that discussed, but the next day my 5 year old son and I were driving to run an errand. He made the comment that his dad said he was moving out the next day (Sunday). This was news to me, but my son really doesn't make things up like this. So, Sunday night when H was still at home, my son asked him why he was still there and why he didn't go to his new home. My H told him that he wasn't leaving until next weekend. My son told him - but you said you were leaving on Sunday. Why did you LIE? My H told him that he just didn't hear him correctly and that he's not leaving until the following weekend.

I have no reason to doubt that my son heard this from his father. My question is... is this gaslighting? Is he also being emotionally abused?
Tamehau
Tamehau
Oh my Cali. Oh my. All I can say is him making your son perceive that he misunderstood is abuse that will kill his self esteem and cause him to doubt. Yes, it is gaslighting and devastating.
calmzone
calmzone
They can say, "I never said that" and actually believe their own lies. It's truly amazing.

Your son is FIVE?? Wow, mom, you are raising a bright kid there. I love that he called his dad out on the carpet. Let your son know that of course you believe him, and you're glad he shares important things with you. I find it highly interesting that -- if I'm reading it right, your son has such a matter-of-fact attitude about his dad moving out...

Yes, his dad is messing with your son's mind for his own personal gain...I would call that...abuse...and shame on him.

What a great kid...too bad his dad is such a d-bag.
Cali123
Cali123
Thank you both. Yes, my son is very perceptive. :) I try not to discuss any specific details, but he has seen and heard enough to know that his situation is not right. He told me the other day that he wished things could be different and his dad didn't have to move to a new house. I told him that I was sad too and wished it didn't have to happen. He said, "mom, aren't you tired of him getting mad at you all the time?" I was floored! He is kind of excited about dad's upcoming move. I told him that things would never be the same as they were, and that it may be hard for a while but things will be much better soon.

I love that kid!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes, Gaslighting is telling someone something and then later
denying they ever said it or that's not what they said when
the person knows exactly what they heard. He's putting your son
in a extremely bad posiition for his age. .i'ts devastating and confusing and way too serious for a child to have to hear!. .secondly a healthy parent should NEVER discuss something so devastating with their offspring, it should be discussed with the other parent or at least another adult. This was
very very immature on his part. This is damaging to a child, indeed! and yes definitely gaslighting!!!!!
I'd be furious, I'd be tempted to not even let him be alone with your son anymore. this is awful. I'm speechless,
Did you have any warning that your hubby and you were discussing divorce or seperation or is this a complete surprise?
There's too many posts and I can't keep track of them.
keep us informed
with care
Debs
calmzone
calmzone
Cali, good for you to assure him that things will be better soon...having a parent like that can be so stressful on a child, to say the least. Believe me, my mother was a narcissist, it's not fun.

I agree with tiredDeb, this is good to document and start building a case as to why it's not good for your son to be alone with your stbx.