Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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introducing myself

t1Maya
t1Maya

Hi, so I am so not sure where to begin on here. My name is Maya, and I am almost 23years old. This is going to be a long post so I'm going to apologize for that right now. 


I met Jerry when I was sixteen. He was the dream guy for any 16year old, especially one rebelling against her dad. Mysterious, hot, that so sexy italian accent. For the first few months things were fantastic, or so I'd thought anyways. I didnt see that he was already molding me till just a few days ago. He had me thinking I owed him sex and that I was lucky to have him spending time with me. 


One week before I turned seventeen I ran away to live with Jerry. That's when things really started changing. Everything I did was wrong, I was never enough and he thought I was cheating if I even spoke to a man. He hit me a total of three times. The first time I initially believed was just an accident durring an argument. The second time I left him, but he would come to my work bringing flowers (dahlias and lilies, my favorite) and a teddy bear. He told me that he loved me and it wouldnt happen again. That he wanted to be together with me always. 


So I went back. Things were alright. Still like walking on eggshells but he didnt hit me. Then I found out I was pregnant. I can only be thankful that I waited to tell him when we were having dinner out. The look in his eyes was murderous and he wasnt able to stop himself from hitting me. A few people at the restruaunt stepped in and i found myself in a shelter again. This time though I made the choice to stay away for my baby. 


I called my dad, and he welcomed me back. Life goes on and I slowly got on my feet. Had a beautiful baby girl, Z, who is now three and thankfully knows no fear. 


Here is the thing though. I am now starting to date again, just recently but i am so scared and keep second guessing him. He is the complete opposite of Jerry and is wonderful, but i cant get it out of my mind. and i dont know where to start to let the past go. 

AnnieToman
AnnieToman
sometimes, its hard to let go of the past, its trust that you have issues with. that not entirely a bad thing, unless you cant trust when even some one has shown they deserve trust. still complete trust should only be given to those who earned your love and proven to you they are trust worthy. so if you feel this person deserves trust give him some but only as much as he earns, total trust is for those you love, are engaged to and plan on marrying. so really trust is about degrees of trust, its not a matter of full trust or no trust, it's something thats earned, there is one rule to remember about trust, THOSE THAT CAN'T TRUST, CAN'T BE TRUSTED.
SimpsonsOK
SimpsonsOK
Welcome aboard. You are now older and wiser. Do learn about abusers; how they operate. If you sense that control of you is becoming an issue, then back off. There are good guys out there, but agree with Annie, trust is earned in increments. Trust yourself: if you find yourself walking on eggshells, then bail. Comforting hugs.
t1Maya
t1Maya
Thank you all. This mirrors what i was thinking but it helps hearing it from other people too.
patti22
patti22
You find out how people are when they're upset...by seeing how they are when they're upset.

So...how does he deal with it when you can't do what he wants because the baby needs your attention? Is he okay with it when you talk to other men?


If you say that you don't have enough money for something, will he suggest another activity? (Offering to pay...every once in awhile is okay, but he shouldn't be paying all or even half of the time and creating a situation where you might be indebted to him.)

What is decision making like? 50/50? or Does he make all decisions? Or does he defer to you all the time. NEITHER is a good situation. Everything should go about 50/50. Sometimes 40/60, sometimes 60/40.

People really do show you who they are. Look and see.
t1Maya
t1Maya
These past few days we actually had a situation that tested the first question. My DD has strep throat, and a double ear infection. I forgot to call and cancel so he showed up to pick me up for our date. Instead of getting mad he asked how he could help. Went and picked up motrin, tylenol, and pedialyte. he even cooked dinner and stayed up with me just to talk while she slept in my arms (she wouldnt let me put her down). All this while he had to get up at 5am the next morning. Then a few days later he drove us to the ER because she wasnt eating or drinking anything at that point (up till this i thought what she had was just a cold.).
As for the paying, he tends to do most of it, but if i insist he doesnt argue about it, just jokes that his dad would lecture him because hes letting me.
We do debate activities, or like the case a few weeks ago, movies. After about two hours of getting side tracked by different subjects we finally decided on one movie. lol.