So those that know my story, know that self doubt is an issue for me. First I couldn't accept that it was "abuse" and then the prolonging doubt that maybe it wasn't that bad. There was a great deal at stake in leaving him. There was him...who started off as prince charming, quickly sweeping me off my feet. Then it was his idea to bid on a horse farm to lease from the county and run a business, riding lessons and boarding. I'm the horse person. He now has 2 years of experience under his belt (not sufficient to take on the responsibility of caring for others' horses). So to leave I had to leave my dream in addition.

I'm out 8 months and feel amazingly well these days. But I will admit I still have passing thoughts about him and the farm and how could I have made it work. I have to say throughout these past months I continue to receive confirmations, in a variety of odd ways, that feel like they are sent from the universe to prove once and for all to me that he was indeed bad and I made the best decision possible, despite the loss of the farm.

So yesterday he assaulted the private process server I hired. I had to acquire this service after the sheriff was unable to serve him. The ex ran after him with a hard rake for 300 feet, server was able to get in his car unhurt, then ex stood in front of his car, jamming the tire with an end of the rake. Did this for a few minutes, while the server called the cops, then put down the rake and went in the house.

I think I'm done doubting. What a relief. One thing that kind of bothers me is I didn't see this scenario happening. I told the server that he was an angry individual, but it truly didn't pass my mind that he would attack someone, an innocent party. I actually asked a few friends to serve the papers for me. They all said "hell, no." I wonder why I didn't see what they all obviously saw or knew. Still a little work to be done there.