Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
What should a wife/mother do if her husband and child have the same nasty, abusive personality?
No matter how much the mother tries to set a good example of respect and kindness, the father and daughter continually disrespect eachother as well as disrespect the wife/mother.
No matter how much the mother tries to set a good example of respect and kindness, the father and daughter continually disrespect eachother as well as disrespect the wife/mother.
If your husband has been abusive, and I see on your profile he has been, and repeatedly disrespectful of you..It really doesn't matter how respectful and kind you are, if it has been openly bad, and has been seen repeatedly.
Unless you can get it through to your daughter how wrong his behaviour is, and that she agrees, and wants to be differn't..This cycle will likely continue..
The biggest gift you could give your dauther would be to get away from all that abuse and disrespect, and start again. Where she can just feed off your goodness, and relearn the right way to relate to others, and how we all deserve to give respect, and receive it..
You deserve better, and it sounds like a very painful and acrimonious situation, which unfortunately will only get worse, so long as he continues to be abusive, and models that for your girl. Your girl is not nasty, she is just mirroring her environment, and acting out what your marriage is teaching her, that is not her fault, and not her naturla nature, and she deserves no blame for that.
My ex's grandfather was an abusive alcoholic. His father was emotionally and physically abusive, but not an alcoholic. And I know he tried to fight the demons and be different....
My ex's family spoke openly about the gene for alcoholism and how it's in their family. My ex knew....yet he couldn't resist....
So....how much of it it genes, how much is the example set for them by their own parents? No way to know. I think they both play into it.
I worry constantly, about the effect that the ex's abuse of me and my son, on my son. I moved out when my son was 15. It took 18 mos. for him to leave....which he did on his own. So I am hopeful.
A huge part of the reason I left was because I had to make a definitive statement that the ex's behavior was not acceptable. And then, when I left, I was consistent and constant with the message to my son, that I loved him, that nothing he could do to me would make me stop loving him....And eventually he came to the light.
But in answer to your question....Counseling rarely helps abusers. You can get counseling for yourself...it will be helpful. But for him...it just focuses attention on him and that is what feeds his ego....
My advice would be to leave...and use the power of unconditional love to change your daughter. She deserves more out of life than she will get from this dysfunctional situation.
Hugs to you...I'm sorry you are dealing with this.