Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
ive been quiet lately probably because i didn't want to feel guilt because i was talking to him. i broke the ultimate rule of no contact. he called..went sober..i saw that face..the one i loved and went to him..i cried like a baby and he said everything i thought i needed to hear
we went to a hotel, made love like in the beginning, he held me all night and said he was sorry, which he never did..he said lets take it slow..lets talk..we talked all week..
this weekend, the ugly face came out again, blaming me for all that's happened, accusing me of doing things i haven't, i was in the mode, the same mode, of saying no..i didnt do that & him saying, yes you did, you always do this and do that and i'm defending myself..saying no, let's talk, and him saying, i dont want to talk to you...he made me cry, i begged to talk, i'm so embarrassed, i tear up as i say it, and the reason i'm posting it and not journaling it is so i dont hide.
i feel like i've been here, reading & accepting all your advice, been journaling and feel like a hypocrite.
i write on this board as my promise to you and especially to me, that i will never ever go back down that road again. i'm sorry to all of you for not heeding your advice, for talking words that i didn't listen to myself.
although we dont personally know each other, i feel like i know you all and i value your support. it was a step back for me, i didn't listen to you and i didn't listen to that voice that was screaming in my head, dont do it, dont do it, dont go..but now i'm sure that i will do my best for all of you & especially for me.
my best is to obtain my goal, the first day i joined this group..to never accept abuse again and then maybe i can share my insight instead of feeling guilt and shame...
xoxoxo
gogo
we went to a hotel, made love like in the beginning, he held me all night and said he was sorry, which he never did..he said lets take it slow..lets talk..we talked all week..
this weekend, the ugly face came out again, blaming me for all that's happened, accusing me of doing things i haven't, i was in the mode, the same mode, of saying no..i didnt do that & him saying, yes you did, you always do this and do that and i'm defending myself..saying no, let's talk, and him saying, i dont want to talk to you...he made me cry, i begged to talk, i'm so embarrassed, i tear up as i say it, and the reason i'm posting it and not journaling it is so i dont hide.
i feel like i've been here, reading & accepting all your advice, been journaling and feel like a hypocrite.
i write on this board as my promise to you and especially to me, that i will never ever go back down that road again. i'm sorry to all of you for not heeding your advice, for talking words that i didn't listen to myself.
although we dont personally know each other, i feel like i know you all and i value your support. it was a step back for me, i didn't listen to you and i didn't listen to that voice that was screaming in my head, dont do it, dont do it, dont go..but now i'm sure that i will do my best for all of you & especially for me.
my best is to obtain my goal, the first day i joined this group..to never accept abuse again and then maybe i can share my insight instead of feeling guilt and shame...
xoxoxo
gogo
Our abusers are good at what they do. They know how to rope us in, and what to say....and then when they think they have us, they revert to who we know they are.
Think of it as a learning experience. Each time I left, and came back, I knew more about what I would have to face, I knew what he was going to do to try to hold on to me. I used it to become strong, and finally, was strong enough.
You will be too. Forget the guilt, forget the shame. It's not easy to leave...to walk away....to stay no contact. but you can do it...Keep reading and posting, and learning.
All the best to you....
We've all done it. I went back many times. A lot of us have.
What's important here is that you have realized that you deserve better and you're done with him. And if it happens again (which I hope for your heart and sanity it doesn't) we will still be here. We will understand and give you all the support you need!!
Don't feel like a hypocrite, cuz you're not. You're human!!
Stay strong! Message me if u need to talk.
Hugs!!!!
Healing is NOT a straight line.
It's a zigzag at best.
Sometimes we go backwards
before we get oriented again.
Use what just happened as a
learning experience.
Then LOVE YOURSELF.
Abusers ARE good at manipulation.
They know we want to trust them.
So . . . . when we do. . . . . when
we believe the crap they fed us
because they knew it was what
we wanted to hear. . . . .they EXPLOITED
our good faith with their bad intent.
LOVE YOURSELF.
Put the guilt, embarrassment
and shame in the freezer.
Maybe it'll go spoiled by
the time you pull it out.
It does nothing to nourish
your wellbeing. Freeze it
and forget it.
Life is a learning experience.
You just got a painful lesson.
That's all the pain that should
go with it. Now you'll know to
remember that abusers don't
get better.
But WE can.
Hugs and healing thoughts.
I went back a few times too. It got so bad I had to call the cops, and that is the only reason I am not in touch with him, due to the cops intervening. If the cops didn't make me file a DV report, I probably would be still in touch with him, just like you, still in contact.
You can break it off. That's exactly what happened to me when I went back the second time. He manipulated and lied to me. Fed me all the words telling me he would do what it took to be with me, but then, he NEVER did anything, only name-called me and blamed me for everything.
They never change. Don't beat yourself up for it. It's so normal to do what you did. I would have done the same. Honestly.
You weren't ready to totally let go of the dream that the "real" him was the nice one. Sometimes we just need that one last reinforcement before we can really believe what we know to be the truth.
As the others have said, forget the negatives and concentrate on the positives. There is no value in guilt and shame, and most certainly there is no need for embarrassment on this board. Instead, focus on the positive - you learned a lesson very quickly, you knew what you had to do from that lesson, you saw what was going on, and you are now moving forward again. Yes, you fell for the "pretty lies", but you are not taking the blame and staying to try to make it work. You are reaching out again for help and support. That takes strength and courage.
Focus on your strength and courage. They will help you far more than shame or embarrassment.
I have likened my healing to climbing out of a lava pit. The walls are steep and covered in loose stones. Sometimes, I've put my foot on a stone that won't support me and I've slipped back. But every time, I've continued to reach forward, and every time another stone or a helping hand has got me moving forward again.
And each time I've slipped, I've found my next forward step takes me further forward than I was when I slipped. You are further forward than you were when you started to believe his pretty lies.
Finally, gonna be repetitive. Put away the guilt and shame, there's no need of them here.
We have all been where you are at one time or another! I doubt any of us who are "out" left the first time our abusers hurt us! No, we ALL fell for the wonderful guy act and let them back in time after time until it was just finally THE time for us.
You will get there. Be gentle with yourself. The last thing you need to do is beat yourself up. He's done that enough for you.
Just keep moving forward and making progress. It will come.
"What we are today is the result of our own past actions;
Whatever we wish to be in the future depends on our present actions;
Decide how you have to act now. (...and I think you have. :) )"
love to you all!!
xoxoxo
gogo
i just love all the support i get from all of you!
thank you, thank you, thank you!
I just came back from another of these! This time, I believe was the worst - abuse does escalate. I cannot do this again. It will completely destroy me and what spirit I have left.
We come back all that much stronger, don't we?
you will prevail! we will all come into a new life, that much stronger, brighter and more loving than ever. the abuse will not win over us!
it really is a zig zag process....
(but not for me! haha!!! I was lucky enough to have fallen out of love with him three years ago, so I don't have the attachment that others have, thank god, because that would be so freaking hard, and it's hard enough already!!)
hugs to you. I hope that things get better.