Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Sorry to list so many things all at once, but I guess I'm in a low point.
It's been 6 months since I moved out. Before, I was really positive mindset most of the time (though I cried a lot, I mostly felt in control). I had hope that once I mourned, everything would just "fall into place."
But now everything just seems depressing. I haven't met anyone I like as far as dating, my friends have kinda let me down, and I'm not doing well financially, and I'm having panic attacks and anxiety most of the time.
I don't think he misses me one bit, and I question if he cared at all, ever.
It's hard to believe some of the things he did to me. And I didn't realize it had still affected my self esteem, but on a date the other day, when a guy complimented my looks, I felt really confused. Like "what on earth does he mean?" And I couldn't understand how he could be attracted to me. I had a list of flaws in my mind -- and a year of my ex not even wanting to spend time w/ me, much less sleep w/ me.
The guy seemed nice, but now it seems like he's another emotionally-unavailable one (he said his ex got mad he only wanted to see her 1-2x/week).
I'm concerned I'll keep picking the wrong ones...And I'm also not doing very well w/ a business I started. Regular jobs give me a ton of anxiety because I had really bad experiences there/traumatic things in those offices. So I prefer working for myself, but it's not going well.
I'm having tons of anxiety, and now am considering going on a strict diet w/ caffeine, sugar, carbs or alcohol, but it's tough because all of my friends go out to eat/drink -- and that's the only stuff they do.
I made a lot of new friends, but they give me a hard time for the panic attacks I've been having, and say to "just do it" and not worry about it. They're younger, and I don't think they've been through anything like this. They also don't understand why I even care, and say just get over him.
I was at a bar w/ friends tonight, but I had to leave because it was super packed for the superbowl (shoulder to shoulder), and we were in a crowded basement w/ a wall of people blocking all of the exits -- I started getting too anxious and just took off and pushed through all of these people and eventually got to the exit.
I haven't been taking the subway, and buses have been making me anxious, but cabs are so expensive. I've already spent too much money, and I'm super stressed about finances (since my business isn't doing well).
But when I try to create new goals, my mind feels so fuzzy and I get super anxious and just freeze up.
It's just frustrating when I thought I was through the worst of it, and now it feels worse than before. I always felt so "together" previously, and this is the first time
It's been 6 months since I moved out. Before, I was really positive mindset most of the time (though I cried a lot, I mostly felt in control). I had hope that once I mourned, everything would just "fall into place."
But now everything just seems depressing. I haven't met anyone I like as far as dating, my friends have kinda let me down, and I'm not doing well financially, and I'm having panic attacks and anxiety most of the time.
I don't think he misses me one bit, and I question if he cared at all, ever.
It's hard to believe some of the things he did to me. And I didn't realize it had still affected my self esteem, but on a date the other day, when a guy complimented my looks, I felt really confused. Like "what on earth does he mean?" And I couldn't understand how he could be attracted to me. I had a list of flaws in my mind -- and a year of my ex not even wanting to spend time w/ me, much less sleep w/ me.
The guy seemed nice, but now it seems like he's another emotionally-unavailable one (he said his ex got mad he only wanted to see her 1-2x/week).
I'm concerned I'll keep picking the wrong ones...And I'm also not doing very well w/ a business I started. Regular jobs give me a ton of anxiety because I had really bad experiences there/traumatic things in those offices. So I prefer working for myself, but it's not going well.
I'm having tons of anxiety, and now am considering going on a strict diet w/ caffeine, sugar, carbs or alcohol, but it's tough because all of my friends go out to eat/drink -- and that's the only stuff they do.
I made a lot of new friends, but they give me a hard time for the panic attacks I've been having, and say to "just do it" and not worry about it. They're younger, and I don't think they've been through anything like this. They also don't understand why I even care, and say just get over him.
I was at a bar w/ friends tonight, but I had to leave because it was super packed for the superbowl (shoulder to shoulder), and we were in a crowded basement w/ a wall of people blocking all of the exits -- I started getting too anxious and just took off and pushed through all of these people and eventually got to the exit.
I haven't been taking the subway, and buses have been making me anxious, but cabs are so expensive. I've already spent too much money, and I'm super stressed about finances (since my business isn't doing well).
But when I try to create new goals, my mind feels so fuzzy and I get super anxious and just freeze up.
It's just frustrating when I thought I was through the worst of it, and now it feels worse than before. I always felt so "together" previously, and this is the first time
It sounds like maybe you are just not ready to date again, yet, if you can't understand why someone would compliment you, if you still have "his" voice and actions in your head. Are you seeing a counsellor/therapist? If not, this can help a great deal with all the issues relating to abuse.
And people are not true friends who will say things like "just get over him" and "just do it" when you are having panic or anxiety attacks.
You are allowed chocolate icecream for dinner!
Stay with me now, this is an important thing to know.
I had a day, not so long ago, where nothing seemed right. In the wrong job, with a bullying coworker, finished a 16 hour day to come home to an empty house (am in a relationship but it's long distance) I'd gotten a bad acne break out (they get cyst like!), I was having my menses, had spent part of my day dealing with 'people'. Everyone on my FB was happy. I hated them for it. They all had normal relationships with children or pets or something.
Then, I had chocolate icecream for dinner.
Everything felt better. You know why? Because I couldn't control any of the other shit, but I could control what I had for dinner and on that night, I wanted chocolate icecream and I got chocolate icecream. I hadn't been allowed that choice, without chastisement, for so long.
It's the simple things. That's our gift for these relationships we've been in. Not the big things, the big things everyone has to struggle or wait for. But we get to enjoy the simple things on another level. We all had knowledge of our free will given back to us! What a great thing to remember!
I suggest reading the post about the things we love now that we're free of our exes. Let it give you strength.
I hope things get better. Keep venting on here, there's some great strong people. And know that you can always have chocolate icecream for dinner.
Six months isn't all that long.
I strongly recommend that you
look around and find a counselor
or therapist whose specialty is
recovery from abuse and/or trauma.
The right kind of support and guidance
can help you move consistently through
the healing process.
A couple additional thoughts:
Be wary about dating this soon.
It can get in the way of recovery.
Also, healing isn't linear. Most
of the time, it's more like a zig-zag.
Focus on self-care.
Husg and healing thoughts.
I tend to stay away from crowded places, I always have the urge to run. I do my shopping at 6 am at Wal-Mart in 15 minutes flat. I know what I want, get it and get out.
I feel anxiety very often & I know what you mean about setting goals & having that fuzzy head where you can't even make out one thought because there's so many that they all get jumbled together.
Very often I live on a diet of coffee, cigarettes & chocolate.
I take it one step at a time a lot of the time & tend to ramble quite a bit until I can get my thought out. I have an elderly mother, one sister who is severely disabled because of her anxiety & depression & that's all the family I have. No cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, never did so..my support group is small. I have a few friends, but like you, a lot of them tend to want to go to bars & drink or party & I would much rather just simply hang out, play some cards & chill out.
I've been away 6 months just like you. I tried dating also but I get the same thing, emotionally unavailable. Maybe it's me who's emotionally unavailable & don't know what normal is.
I know they all tell us to wait it out & stuff until we're ready to deal wiht dating again, but I dont want to wait. I dont want to wait like I did before, I waited 5 years after a broken heart & this abuser found me.
Not this time.
Just go for a date. Suck in all the good things they say about you. Be thankful for the compliments. Take them to heart. Just keep serial dating..lol..sucking the positivity out of these men, enjoying yourself a little bit. don't over analyze & do whatever you want without guilt.
wanna go have some cheesecake for breakfast?
big hugs! it does get better. The anxiety..get some meds for it if you don't have any already. They sure can make a difference when the swirling thoughts, shaking, crying take over..one of those little pills just help to stop the racing heart.
lots of love! hang in there! you'll make it :)
xoxo
gogo
Today is a much brighter day.
I've had anxiety problems my whole life, but have found things seem to be getting gradually better now that I'm out.
One thing I've learned is NO ONE understands what happens in an abusive relationship except those who have been through it.
Keep your spirits up by being with positive people, doing things just for you.