Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I first came here Sept 11/11. It was his birthday & i said to myself, I'm going to give myself a present of never accepting abuse again & set my goal at that time.
I've struggled, cried, vented, listened, read, learned, have grown, gained insight, been so lovingly supported here & I went to court this morning & was so afraid of seeing him. I was afraid of how I would feel, my reaction to him & at first, I was. Especially when I could hear him talking on the phone in the waiting area before court started & I could tell he was talking to his girlfriend because that's how he used to talk with me only a few months ago.
Once I got into court & started presenting my evidence. Standing there with 5 folders, each marked with a specific topic, including pictures, dates, receipts & saw him sitting there, with 2 pieces of paper, his dyed hair grown out, he looked like shit, got fat & sagging face I realized right there. I'm done.
I will never accept abuse again. I will never allow myself to be treated like that ever again. I will never allow myself to be sucked in and manipulated ever again.
as an update. I filed 2 cases. One for balance of the lease for 10 months at $600, I got 4 months at $600, plus filing fees, plus appearance fees, plus loan interest for a grand total of $2376.14!! I was just starting to present evidence on my next case of my broken windshield, my broken stick shift, invoices where I paid for them, towing recipets, pictures & all of a sudden he pipes up and says..i think i need a lawyer. The court officer just looked at him and said, you should have said something the first case!
all of a sudden, he can't understand what's going on, can't read, can't write, which I kinda thought he might not be able to, but never actually verified it & he wants a lawyer & an interpreter! Now he can't understand English all of a sudden! hmm..I know..he's Aboriginal, from the reserve, speaks Ojibway & they have an oral language, not written, but he doesn't know what's going on..how convenient..just as I'm bringing up the topics of violence, abuse, lying, damages.
so..adjournment until Dec 23 where he has to have his interpreter in place or just too bad for him. It's his responsibility to find one & it can not be a friend or family member. He says he's going to appeal the rent issue. Ya well..if he does, i was told that I can only claim for what I'm out of pocket up until that point, well, if it goes to Jan, that's 2 more months & I should have said yes when the officer asked me if I wanted to ask for payment on a promissory note with my employer. I will say yes then because it goes back to the beginning.
He doesn't realize. The longer he drags it out, the bigger my arsenal will be.
Who wants to make a bet he'll quit pool now for sure! LOL. I'm gonna put post it notes on my big lovely ass when i bend over to play pool. They're going to be florescent pink & have dollar signs on them!!
I'm updating my status.
Thank you all for all your help!! You have all helped me so much to get to this point. I'm staying, I'm not leaving, I'm just thanking you all for doing so much for me without even realizing just what an impact you've had & I want to recognize you all for being so wonderful!!
xoxoxo
Gizella
I've struggled, cried, vented, listened, read, learned, have grown, gained insight, been so lovingly supported here & I went to court this morning & was so afraid of seeing him. I was afraid of how I would feel, my reaction to him & at first, I was. Especially when I could hear him talking on the phone in the waiting area before court started & I could tell he was talking to his girlfriend because that's how he used to talk with me only a few months ago.
Once I got into court & started presenting my evidence. Standing there with 5 folders, each marked with a specific topic, including pictures, dates, receipts & saw him sitting there, with 2 pieces of paper, his dyed hair grown out, he looked like shit, got fat & sagging face I realized right there. I'm done.
I will never accept abuse again. I will never allow myself to be treated like that ever again. I will never allow myself to be sucked in and manipulated ever again.
as an update. I filed 2 cases. One for balance of the lease for 10 months at $600, I got 4 months at $600, plus filing fees, plus appearance fees, plus loan interest for a grand total of $2376.14!! I was just starting to present evidence on my next case of my broken windshield, my broken stick shift, invoices where I paid for them, towing recipets, pictures & all of a sudden he pipes up and says..i think i need a lawyer. The court officer just looked at him and said, you should have said something the first case!
all of a sudden, he can't understand what's going on, can't read, can't write, which I kinda thought he might not be able to, but never actually verified it & he wants a lawyer & an interpreter! Now he can't understand English all of a sudden! hmm..I know..he's Aboriginal, from the reserve, speaks Ojibway & they have an oral language, not written, but he doesn't know what's going on..how convenient..just as I'm bringing up the topics of violence, abuse, lying, damages.
so..adjournment until Dec 23 where he has to have his interpreter in place or just too bad for him. It's his responsibility to find one & it can not be a friend or family member. He says he's going to appeal the rent issue. Ya well..if he does, i was told that I can only claim for what I'm out of pocket up until that point, well, if it goes to Jan, that's 2 more months & I should have said yes when the officer asked me if I wanted to ask for payment on a promissory note with my employer. I will say yes then because it goes back to the beginning.
He doesn't realize. The longer he drags it out, the bigger my arsenal will be.
Who wants to make a bet he'll quit pool now for sure! LOL. I'm gonna put post it notes on my big lovely ass when i bend over to play pool. They're going to be florescent pink & have dollar signs on them!!
I'm updating my status.
Thank you all for all your help!! You have all helped me so much to get to this point. I'm staying, I'm not leaving, I'm just thanking you all for doing so much for me without even realizing just what an impact you've had & I want to recognize you all for being so wonderful!!
xoxoxo
Gizella
Guess he was surprised by the judgement on the first case - probably thought he'd just keep getting away with whatever he wants, then he had to resort to anything he could think of in the moment.
Enjoy your good feelings tonight - you have earned it!
thank you!!
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously I hope you will be able to collect. I wouldn't be surprised if he files for bankruptcy next or at the very least finds a way to hide some of his income, that is if he's still working.
He doesn't know that when he left, he also left his calendar that has all his hours written down, in his own handwriting for several months of this year, he also has written down how much he took in advances for whatever day & has it all calculated on his cut off days, so go ahead, try to hide it. he will continue to work.
when he realized that he had to pay for the rent, he was trying to cry poor and say he has his own rent to pay & if he has to pay mine too, then he may as well live on the street.
he just doesnt get it. we discussed, he agreed, he signed, he paid, i have proof, he owes. period.
it's the principle of it too! that you can't just abuse me, try to ruin me financially & just leave.
troubled, you said it best..probably thought he'd just keep getting away with whatever he wants, then he had to resort to anything he could think of in the moment.
exactly!!
:D
This place saved a lot of people's sanity, mine included. And I think you've helped save others....
big hugs! Way to go!!!
And as for: "he just doesnt get it. we discussed, he agreed, he signed, he paid, i have proof, he owes. period" - I LOVE that. One of my exes was like that. We went on a holiday together, I bought the airfares and he was going to pay me back for his. When we got back, he'd done a heap of clothes shopping on holiday so said he couldn't afford to pay me back now. When I called him on that and suggested he shouldn't have bought so many clothes if he couldn't afford it, I got the rage and the "your priorities are SO screwed up if you think that airfares are more important than clothes". Um, no dipshit, you have YOUR priorities screwed up if you think buying clothes is more important than paying your debts.
They'll never "get it". But that doesn't matter. He doesn't have to get it - you'll get yours anyway! :-)