when you are truly ready to move on you will not need to question it.
you will simply post less log on less..your life will be filled until that time come for support. please remember you may need to come back at times that's ok too.

LT says it all. This month is my year anniversary at DS. Love to you all and thank you for a new life.

hi, i'm glad that you have reclaimed your life. also, i think it's healthy to come here and read and continue to learn and help others when you can. i know that i have good days and bad days, days where my self-doubt are stronger than others and it helps to read the replies from posts, even to others problems or concerns. i can also empathize with them...even if i'm not always up to responding.

Aw you ... thanks. :-)

They say that it takes about 4 months to get over a relationship for every year that relationship lasted. Longer if the relationship was abusive. That's just a rule of thumb of course, there is no hard and fast time that it takes, but the point is that you are by no means in the category of dwelling way too long.

The other thing about healing though, is that it "should" take however long it takes. After my last relationship, I was in therapy for 3 and a half years (well ok, I was still with him for nearly the first year). Was that "too long"? Or "not long enough"? I say it was the amount of time I needed. And I still come here pretty much every day, 4 years after my relationship ended.

Try not to think so much in shoulds. You are doing and have done most of the things you need to do to recover. Now do the last thing - give yourself time, as much time as you need. Don't cut off what feels like a lifeline because you "shouldn't" need one - if it feels like a lifeline, then you need one and that's just fine.

After my first marriage, which lasted 3 and a half years, I went to see a counsellor. After 6 months, I pronounced myself healed, stopped seeing her and went on to a more overtly abusive relationship, followed by the violently abusive relationship that ultimately brought me here. I for one say take ALL the time you need. I have read nothing in your posts (including this one) that speaks of wallowing in the role of victim. You just have maybe some more stuff to figure out. Maybe you don't even yet know what that stuff is, but hope that reading someone else's story will trigger something in you that gives you an(other) "a-HA! So THAT'S what it is" moment.

And finally, don't be so critical of yourself. Yes, some people are here only a very short time and then move on. Others (like me) stay a very long time. There is no right amount of time after which you "shouldn't" need or want support any more.

There are good addictions and bad ones!

DS is definitely in the good category.

Besides, being on and posting for newcomers! It's a priceless way of giving back.

We all know what that support meant to us when we started out totally invalidated and emotionally crushed. Reading other's stories putting the puzzle pieces together. A bad realization but a deeply necessary process.

I agree with Livin, you will post less when ready and you life will naturally get full. :) Seeing how far you have come will also continue to attract you and drive you forward on the down days. Life is hard even without an abusive nut job.

LT, I totally relate. I am also an addict. But I also like to be able to give something back now and then. And, I think, above all, to remain vigilant. Since I left my husband, I have met several unsuitable men (to say the least). A couple of whom I got pretty involved with. I thought I was 'cured' forever, but these kinds of relationships seem to keep creeping into my life. In that case, it's nice to be able to 'talk things over' with friends on here who get my paranoia in a new relationship. I don't know if we ever truly recover from abuse. It's more like with an addict. We are always "recovering".

Anyway, I for one am glad you're still here. :-)

Thanks everyone. You are all so right. In fact, after posting this I read a couple threads and did actually figure out a few obsolete pieces of the puzzle in regards to the ex.

I, too, had a previous "bad" relationship. Short-term, six months, but with a complete and total psychopath, at least by my definition. OMG...it was frightening and I actually got engaged to him! I do believe that made me prime pickins' for my ex.

Ok...I'm going to chill and try to go with the flow. I will do whatever it takes to prevent getting involved with another of these guys.

I hope everyone has a fabulous day!

I am new to this site and group but I am hoping to find the same strength as you do Itwist. I am fresh out of my abusive relationship that lasted only 3 months but those three months was like living on your favorite roller coaster that each time you get off you feel weaker and weaker but you go back on because parts of the ride are so much fun. My ex says he will leave me alone then he text and as much as I hope it is the last text I still miss him and that my fellow postees drives me crazy! Anyway, today I'm feeling too much of everything.

i love ds it been a life saver for me im other sites the support is wonderful

I agree, you'll just float away when your ready. Look at me, I was a massive regular on here and although I come on from time to time I've began to float away. I've been in nc for 16 months (since October 2012) it's now 2014 and although its not October, I'm heading to the two year mark this year.
I don't come on as much because its just been my time to move on. I pop on every now and then because this forum and you people have a place in my heart and always will.

And yes I agree, livin should write a book, her advice is amazing and she has helped me in the past a lot.