no!!! you were right to get yourself and your children away from abuse. i am so sorry you couldn't get the other child away but not your bust - not your fault and you had to use survival skills to get out of there. definitely block this guy's ability to contact you - you do not need to hear anything from him. he has found a way to control/hurt you and you can stop it. not to say that won't be difficult - i know - but you don't need to be put in anguish anymore. it is time for healing now. really - kick him all the way out. very gentle hugs

Sorry but HE tore your whole family apart and you really had no choice but to leave.

Of course you are feeling guilty about seeing your daughter hurt, but if you stayed with him, the situation would have hurt your daughter much much more and her future would have been in jeopardy.

He is USING your daughter now!! He doesn't care about her, he cares about finding a way to get to you- through your daughter.

My ex pulled this after we split a million times. Ohh, i miss the kids..blah blah blah- the bastard just wanted to get info from them or probably make himself the victim in front of them so they would blame me for the split. Nothing about my ex wanting to see them was about THEM!! you must know that so you don't feel guilty!!

You are angry and that is part of coming out of an abusive relationship. I was soooo mad at one point. but it helped me in a way, it just meant for me, that I could actually see through all the BS he put me through. So I felt like a fool and was so mad.

Please, tell him it is over!!! He lost you along with your daughter and that is that! That he must accept that and to stop harassing you. and then have NO CONTACT- he had the ability to ruin you now though the contact: '' saying all the things he knows to say to pull at my heart about my kids''

He is using the kids abuser tactic now....... how low can they get. They know that we don't want to see our kids suffer and when they say that we are hurting our kids we just want to do what they say-----------but it's all Bullshit!
Sorry, I am just reading your situation and I had to live though it for a long time and it hit me and had flash backs... so sorry if I sound a bit harsh!

Please, listen to the others.

Remember how he treated you and why you left. And even now, he's not telling you he loves you or making any effort to treat you better, he's just guilting you about your kids. But the truth is your kids are SO much better off without him, and absolutely a million times better off than watching the way he treats you and learning that that's how a man should treat a woman.

I get that your daughter loved him, I get that she misses him, and I get how hard that is. But there are lots of times when, as parents, we have to do what's best for our kids even if they don't see that it's good for them. Think of it as if she saw a huge lion at the zoo and really, REALLY wanted to climb into the cage to pat and cuddle the big kitty cat. Of course you wouldn't let her, because as much as you could see that she loved that lion and would love to do that, you know better than she does how dangerous that would be for her.

Same with him - she may love him and miss him, because she doesn't know how dangerous he is for her.

Just remember, HE broke the family not you. What you did is protect yourself and your kids. Doesn't matter what he says, that's the truth.

And finally ... yup, hate the whole damn situation because it SUCKS. It's NOT fair that you have to deal with all this. It's NOT fair that you have no good choices available to you. It's NOT fair that you can't go back and have him be the man he pretended to be in the beginning, the man you thought he was, the man you could love. None of that is fair and it all sucks royally. But it CAN get better - you CAN be happier than you ever were. Not by going back though.

Please block him, mom or this will never work. All he wants to do is place a guilt trip on you. He doesn't want to lose his victim (YOU)
Please----block him!!!!.
You had NO choice, but to leave. I told you---They will do or say ANYTHING to get you back. Please do not listen. He is trying to manipulate you.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I have felt this way many times, wishing I didn' t leave. but the truth is at the time I had to leave. There must be a part of you that is relieved your not being mistreated?
Don't blame yourself for leaving, blame the man that hurt you which caused you to leave.

Everyone here is right...

I had to leave my stepchild that I raised since toddlerhood. I love him like my own child, but I had to think of the greater good. I had two other children and myself to think about.

Also, my daughter didnt understand at first and missed her father, but now she has come to see for herself why we had to leave. The first year she lashed out at me because I was the only one she felt safe lashing out to. She knew she had to be "perfect" to her father to earn his love while my love was unconditional. Now that she has had time and therapy she has been able to work through her emotions, and after a bad visitation with her father she is more realistic about him.

It was really hard not trying to plead my case with her or tell her how bad her father was or anything. I bit my tongue and let her realize it all on her own. Her father tries to badmouth me and blame me, and while it worked for a short time, she now resents him for it. She respects me for not badmouthing him in return.

I agree that you should block him. If you arent already, you and your children should get into therapy as well. I made the mistake of going back to my abuser because of the children the first time. He was on good behaviour for a while, but then things got soooooooo much worse and deeply traumatic for the children. I should have stuck it out and not went back to him, but I'm out now and learned my lesson there will be no going back for me.

Its tough dealing with the loss of the child I had to leave behind, but I try to console myself with the thought that he is older now and I raised him right and hopefully he will talk to someone if he isnt treated right. Hopefully he will understand why I left and will take my good example and take care of himself if he is mistreated. And maybe he will reach out to me on his own someday when he comes to see his fathers lies and remebers what really happened. His father wont allow him to see or speak to me, but it wont be long he will be too old to be controlled by his father, and I made sure he knows I still love him and miss him.

Above all, dont blame yourself. These men left us no choice, and the children will mature and come to understand this.

Also, when I was a kid I didnt want my parents to split, but looking back I often think it would have been better if they did. Its natural for kids to love their parents even when they are harmful to their well being. Children arent mature enough to make certain decisions for themselves, that is why we as parents must often make the tough choiices for them. You wouldnt let your daughter eat sweets all day evem though she rwally loves them, because you know that she would get sick. Its the same thing here, except being around an abusive parent can do far worse damage than a tummy ache.

What they all said! Stay strong!!!!! We are all here for you! He just wants to reel you back in. Don't let him. He sees how you are surviving without him and he hates it. Take care of yourself and your kids.

Sending you strength, encouragement and hugs!!!!!