Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I was in my room 24 hrs a day, only able to come out when I was cooking or to go to the bathroom, or when my exH would allow me to go sit with him and the children. I thought I was so happy and protected. I remember praying that this day would be the day when he wouldn't get mad at me. Hoping against hope that he would be happy with everything I did, I wanted to please him so much.
I remember when I didn't have dinner ready when he came home and he tried to kick me with his steel toed boots and tore his whole toe nail off. Instead of running away at that moment from his abusive behavior I helped him take his boot off and nursed him enough to get him to the hospital to be treated, and then forgot all about the fact that he was trying to kick me, and I end up not even turning him in for trying to hurt me.
I remember one day we left the house with out permission, and got home to him as happy as could be and I thought he was ok with it, and cooked a dinner for us and we all sat down and I took the first bite, and it burned my mouth so bad, It was made with jalepenos, and I had to watch each of them eat there whole dinner, my youngest was crying so hard, I was crying while eating watching my children get tortured.
One day I saw blood on my daughter underpants, and I cried on his shoulders telling him, how sad and hurt that my daughter was being hurt. Asking him "who is hurting my baby?". He looked me in the eyes and said,"we will find this person, and when we do I will kill him, no one hurts my baby"
My children were supposed to be safe, and protected against the uglies of the world, terrorist were attacking us, only it wasn't from another country, it was in my own home. I don't know when I'll ever get over the anger and hurt from all this, I try to remember all the things that happened, and at the same time I try to forget all the stuff that went on. When i told my counselor some of the things I went through, she compared it to a POW goes through.
I get a lot of blame for staying with him and trying to save my marraige, and "allowing" the SA to go on, from my own family members, it hurts, but I just have to remember I didn't know and it wasn't my fault, it was his fault for not having self control. Even my daughter blames me, that is what hurts most of all, I can't talk to her about anything.
I wish there was a reasonable punishment for SA, even if these people got the chair, that still wouldn't be enough, because us that are the victims have to live with it everyday, the PTSD, depression, etc.,
Just sharing with you all today, having a tough day, but surviving, and striving for a better future for me and my children.
I remember when I didn't have dinner ready when he came home and he tried to kick me with his steel toed boots and tore his whole toe nail off. Instead of running away at that moment from his abusive behavior I helped him take his boot off and nursed him enough to get him to the hospital to be treated, and then forgot all about the fact that he was trying to kick me, and I end up not even turning him in for trying to hurt me.
I remember one day we left the house with out permission, and got home to him as happy as could be and I thought he was ok with it, and cooked a dinner for us and we all sat down and I took the first bite, and it burned my mouth so bad, It was made with jalepenos, and I had to watch each of them eat there whole dinner, my youngest was crying so hard, I was crying while eating watching my children get tortured.
One day I saw blood on my daughter underpants, and I cried on his shoulders telling him, how sad and hurt that my daughter was being hurt. Asking him "who is hurting my baby?". He looked me in the eyes and said,"we will find this person, and when we do I will kill him, no one hurts my baby"
My children were supposed to be safe, and protected against the uglies of the world, terrorist were attacking us, only it wasn't from another country, it was in my own home. I don't know when I'll ever get over the anger and hurt from all this, I try to remember all the things that happened, and at the same time I try to forget all the stuff that went on. When i told my counselor some of the things I went through, she compared it to a POW goes through.
I get a lot of blame for staying with him and trying to save my marraige, and "allowing" the SA to go on, from my own family members, it hurts, but I just have to remember I didn't know and it wasn't my fault, it was his fault for not having self control. Even my daughter blames me, that is what hurts most of all, I can't talk to her about anything.
I wish there was a reasonable punishment for SA, even if these people got the chair, that still wouldn't be enough, because us that are the victims have to live with it everyday, the PTSD, depression, etc.,
Just sharing with you all today, having a tough day, but surviving, and striving for a better future for me and my children.
leonii
Babyrena,,I am soooooooooooooo very sorry for the hell you lived,and for the terror that is still embaracing your mind from such a horrid demoraliing abusive creature.I am having troubles also with my past abuse...and I aslo though AM blaming my mom...I think sometimes,,reluctantly,,and for some starnge reason,,the two combine as one and go hand and hand..I am always,for the life of me,,trying to figure out why my mom didnt leave..She is still with her "husband"..about 57 years now...and all he did was abuse her and us..I just suggested today she might have Stockholm Syndrome..its where an abused person learns,accepts or just takes the abuse out of fear,,its a way of surviving...I dont know,,she seems like she really adores this man..he can do NO wrong...I told her he sexually abused me yesterday and now she is mad at me.This happned almost 40yrs ago,,but just the same,,it is like it was yesterday..I am not in therapy at this time ,,but maybe one day I will be able to get some help..Listen to your therapist,,try to realize your children are going to be mad,hurt,resentful,,,that is expected..they went through alot too...tyr to make sure they get help also...No one wants to go through life suffering...wondering what they did wrong,,or why did they deserve this...also remember that you now realize the abuse,hurt and pain you and the kids are all feeling and try to let go,,hard as it may be,,I know,,I am trying to let go also,,its not going so well.My anger,,like yours and theirs is what is binding me to this torment...Oprah said something one time about how she learned to let go..Oprah had some good shit on her show sometimes!She had some hellish issues too,beings she was raped by family and all...All have to google,and see if I can find some inner spiritual tools that can help us dear sister and DS friend,,hang in their... xoxo
deleted_user
Just take life one day at a time. (((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))
sassygray5
I am sorry you are having a tough day and that you had to go through all of this. No, it is not your fault, no matter what anyone says. Remember that. You did not cause any of this, but instead have done your best to hold things together when they fell apart. I hope things look up soon and best wishes!
Join the Conversation