Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I am having a really hard time right now. My abusive ex is taking me through it. Everything he has done to me i still love him so much. Why is that? Last night he randomly asked me what my sons last name is. I lied at first because he had told me before that he would hurt me if he ever found out i had changed his last name. Well i finally told him yes he has my last name because he once told me that he already had a son and he didnt need another one and he walked out on me and the baby so i called and had his name changed. Well he acted like i hurt him so much. Then i start to blame myself why do i keep doing that when i know deep down i did nothing wrong. i kept calling him last night to explain why i did what i did but he would never retur my phone call. i feel so stupid he has done nothing but hurt me time after time. but its always me that hurts him he cant trust me i dont support him. i feel like i am losing my freaking mind. i am in tears right now cause he has taken so much control over me that i feel like i cant even think on my own. My family is mad at me right now cause they want to know whats going on. i cant tell them cause they wont understand. All they see is man that has hurt me time after time and they just want me to get rid of him. I feel like i need him in my life to function when he is mad im depressed but when he is calling me and saying sweet things i am all happy. When i am going to get back to my old self?? Before two weeks ago he wouldnt talk to me for 8 months because of some female he was dating.i remember back in october i called him and left him a message regarding our son and it was very important. it was regarding his health he wouldnt return my phone calls nor text. so what makes him think that my son needs his last name. When is this nightmare going to end!!!! I had a dream lastnight that he was trying to kill me and my family and all i remember is me crying and him coming after me. it was a very intense dream which makes me feel like god is truly trying to tell me something. I need support guys im going to lose it. Sometimes i just want to leave this earth so i wont feel this pain. But no i need to be here for my son.
I'm so very, very sorry for your pain.
You wrote:When is this nightmare going to end!!!!
It will begin to end when you get enough of the various
pieces of yourself pulled into a pile that's big enough
to help you start on a path away from the toxicity of
your abuser.
Until you do that, your abuser will continue to abuse you.
Your son needs a healthy mother and you're entitled
to a life of health and satisfaction. Your son is too
young to help you get yourself on a better path.
But YOU can do it for HIM.
You are a flower on the stem of the universe.
Please take some small step toward getting
your son and youself away from the toxic abuse
of your ex. That's my hope and prayers for you.
I know how hard it is to detach from one of these types, But I also know how liberating it is when you can manage to do so. You need a break from what he tells you, from what he thinks, so that you can start to listen to the tiny, quiet voice that is YOUR mind, your thoughts, your feelings - yourself. And slowly, with time away, his voice will fade, and yours will get stronger.
Read a little on Stockholm Syndrome if it helps. But know this - until you break contact with him, until you force yourself not to explain to him, not to try to have him understand (he will NEVER give you that satisfaction), not to need his approval, then you will continue in this cycle of pain. Instead of making your happiness dependent on him, focus on doing at least one thing every day that you enjoy just for you - whether it's doing your nails, having a long bath, going out for a coffee or a walk in the park, spending time reading a good book - whatever makes you happy and fits your budget. And take time to listen for that little voice that is YOU.
Take care, and know that we are here for you, and we understand.
I used to love someone like the man you describe once and it is torture, the most exsquisit torture isn't it? Their love is addictive...it gets you so desperate...and when they are good to you, your on top of the world and when they hurt you it hurts more than any pain you have ever known and its addictive...like a drug. I did this for about 3 years...not long compared to some here, but it was enough for me....I ended up completely and utterly through the floor, burnt out. And it has taken me many years to recover...and to be honest I am still recovering. And when I first called it a day...I loved him so much I was beside myself with the grief. I loved that man like he was my own flesh and blood. I dreamt of him for at least 3 years after that.....HOWEVER......almost immediately after getting him out of my life my head stopped spinning and about 6 months after that I stopped feeling like I had been stabbed with a thousand knives....(maybe just a hundred knives) and NOW??? I KNOW its the best thing I ever did and it probably saved my life.
Love to you girl.
Eventually the love fades though I promise.... you just have to wait it out....I know its not the most encouraging of advice but its the truth