Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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givenup107 07/11/2015

So I was hanging out with one of my friends. She never met the Ex BF. Asked to see a pic of him. I showed her. (he is a very sexy handsome man) She looks at me and say What's wrong with you? What were you thinking ending this? Look at this guy WOW. I told her that I didn't like the things he was doing. She said...so what he curses at you. Everyone does that. I say not everyone throws something at you and cuts your hand open. Among other things I didn't get into. She gives me this look like if she met him she would feel lucky and so should I.

My other friends says...oh you should see the things I throw at my BF all our furniture is a mess because of how mad he makes me.

So now I'm sitting here all day feeling like I am too sensitive and maybe I'm just one of these woman who have no patience or tolerance for what everyone else seems to think is normal.

I went over all the things he did....all the things I felt and now I sit bargaining with myself that maybe he wasn't so bad. I know that's not the truth....but it seriously depressed me.

Are we really a society that is judging a man because of his looks. She dates a guy for five years that has choked her...spit in her face and has caused such a scene at her home the police had to be called so many times. But hes brutally handsome and she thinks hes exciting.

Can women really be happy like this? Because if so....I'm starting to feel like I'm not the normal one.

Autumnal 07/11/2015

No, stick to your laurels. These other women you speak of sound kinda simple, you are more intelligent and deserve something more.

disi22 07/12/2015

"Everyone does that" is a rather insecure explanation for a behavior, I think...
It is not about the women being happy, it is about them being broken enough to accept abuse because maybe the alternative it being alone and them not thinking they deserve and can find better.

I was taught as a woman that having a man is ultimate prize and my power of will was broken.
Till I met an abusive man who had a lot of adventures to offer and now he is living them with another girl who dismisses his emotional abuse and I am happy that he is out of my life even though I am alone.

givenup107 07/12/2015

I know you are both right. I also was raised that if I didn't have a bf that no one wanted me. My mom made fun of me at age 14 because I didn't have one. So I had to find someone and he had to pass her approval. Usually the ones she liked were the tough guys. I was raised to cater to a man. It's so hard to not feel inadequate not having one and reprogram myself.

Strange this is I like my space and alone time. I don't want to cater to a man anymore. My ex bf wanted me to do it all. Some nights I just wanted to tell him to do it himself. Yet I didn't because I didn't want to lose him. I choose losing myself

I try everyday to work on me. I find it so difficult after having raised my mom in a sense. At 9 I raised me sister and brother. I did all the cooking and cleaning and laundry. I did all the food shopping. And if I ever wanted to play outside and was a min late to serve my dad dinner my mom would beat me so severely or mentally torture me. So that stuff is hard to in do. She's dead not but someone lives inside me because I pick men who are just like her.

I know I deserve better. Counseling has helped because this time I didn't take it for years. I may have to limit the time I spend with this friend. She may be similar in some ways to these men. I was looking forward to spending time with her yet walked away feeling bad about myself.

disi22 07/12/2015

I think that vulnerability is gift that cannot be given to everyone and maybe this friend is not the friend to talk to her about your relationship because she is relating to it from her own position.

I think you can have yourself and a partner who can relate to the grown woman and not just to the girl or the mother inside.

Misssy2 07/12/2015

No..your friend is brainwashed.....and yes, looks is what sucks us in...but if he isn't a good partner and if he is abusive...you have done the right thing for you....

Tell her she can have him...LOL.

I can' see why you would get confused and think you are sensitive..and guess what...that is why many woman stay in these relationships...confusion as to what is abuse and what isn't.

Abuse escalates....you were being abused...you escaped...you should let that reinforce your self-esteem and confidence.

maryjan 07/12/2015

Unfortunately, when we accept abusive relationships, we probably also accept friends with compromised views and relationships. I also had one of the most painful discussions with two of my "friends" last summer who I believe, truly thought they were correct. I.e. that i needed to give guys "more of a chance" blah blah blah -- after all my therapy and expertise in spotting red flags, guess what? I don't want to give them more of a chance! This is what i have just unlearned! The simple fact is that they haven't done the hard work I have done. Now one of them, we are no longer speaking to each other as she really did a number on me as well. I'm sure that she still does not see the double-standards, and what actually caused the situation to escalate. But one thing is for sure -- unhealthy situations do not get more healthy without some hard work. So if you are doing the work and your friends are not, chances are that the dynamics start to change! I have sat around missing my friend lately as we spent most summer holidays together for the last decade. But when i really think about it, i remind myself how when I revisit these toxic situations, they are always worse and it always assures me that I did the right thing to move on. Why revisit if you know better now!

She will have to come to her own learning and conclusions now. She's a smart girl so she might just well do. And I like the positive direction my life is taking. Just saying, it might be time to distance yourself from these friends. They are not enforcing you positively and are likely to contradict you more in the future! Blessings!

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