This is a cycle I keep trying to break by using communication but no matter how i say it or weather I am calm or not nothing seems to change or work. I can not get understanding or affrimation from my Boyfriend who I will refer to as BF from now on. This has happened over and over again. He is 53, I am 49, we have been together over 6 years but very on and off and many roller coaster rides. I try to talk to him about my issues and what i can and can not handle but he keeps ignoring these things and repeating them with no concern for things I have tried to tell him about my own needs and really I believe personal rights. Its been emotionally abusive in my opinion. He has a grandson who I love and care dearly about but who has a lot of issues especially issues concerning neglect at home so when he comes to my house with BF he is constantly clinging to me 24/7 literally. I cant go to the bathroom without him waiting outside the door. The boy is 6 years old his mom is neglectful. I love the kid but get upset because after two days and nights and literally not doing anything I need to do because of him I am exhausted, tired, irritable, and I need space. He won't sleep anywhere but in the bed with his grandpa and i which I think is a problem in itself too and he's like that because his father left the home and his mom replaced dad with the two kids. The 6 year old is a great kid, i do love him and care about him. But the BF knowing I was having bad heaaches, aches, and not feeling well brought the boy without even asking me (we live in my house) I try not to bring up the mine stuff but when it comes to being instant babysitter without knowing I feel upset because I needed to take care of myself, get my sleep, do housework and yardwork, plus get up tomorrow at 6 am for work. At first I felt good to see the boy but the more my headache kicked in and then the boy refused to sleep anywhere but in our bed and he is sick and has sleep apnea that has been neglected by his mother for years and finally after me pestering the BF for 4 years they got him to a specialist who is going to do surgery and help the boy. He gasps for air and wakes up from not breating all night because he has a tonsil that covers 75 % of his throat. I have insomnia so I take medication to get to sleep so if i am awakend during the night it takes me 2 hours to go back to sleep. I was up at 1am till 2;30 trying to prop him up on his side with the pillows to breath, the BF never woke up and snored all night, I am the one who took care of sick apnea boy all night on and off then trying to go back to sleep. I told BF before I need my sleep (i have fibromyalgia too which lack of sleep affects as well). This same thing happened the 2nd night again. I had the same issue before about not being asked and ending up babysitter for two days every weekend when the boys my (BF's daughter) would drop him off at the doorstep and leave him while the son would let him in and go back to bed and without knowing he was here would hear noises in the kitchen to go in there and fine the child alone because the older (28yr old ) pot head brother would let him in and go back to be leaving the boy alone in the kitchen. To me it was wrong because she never asked, never made arrangements ahead of time, just dropped him off and took off before either of us knew. We broke up because I told him that was not cool. I have a jacuzzi and no child lock on the slider he could have gone out there and drowned and that is not safe. So he let her do it way too many times and I ended up ending the relastionship over it about a year ago. He was all gung ho at first told his grandson he will live with him and be with him,,, yet the daughter and grandson live in the same house with the x-wife. He has lived with them 4 times when he has left me for not going along with all these things concerning the children and what I felt was safe and considerate towards me and my house. if the kid gets hurt at my house they willl take me to the bank because the daughter (6 year olds mom) and the x-wife both hate my guts because they dont want him to be with anyone else even though they say they are not involved. But we went to counseling and she told him no woman will be with you as you live with your x-wife so do you hear her she is not willing to be with you like that? He agreed but never went back to the counselor. We have seen 3 couselors and they all tell me he wont change and he has too much loyalty to his grown (2- 30 yr olds) and 1 15 year old, and 2 grandsons who will always be his choice even the x-wife, last time he left me and was driving her everywhere and she hates me and acts jealous like if they were together but he says they weren't "Its not like that?" the counselors all tell me that is not ok for me, for him yeah he can have it all hu? Well I can't talk to him either. If i tell him it was too much for me and he didn't ask me if i was up to having the boy all weekend i felt my whole weekend was dictated by him and his grandson. His daughter and my son are high schoolers who locked themselves in their rooms because they are botherd by the boy and his behaviors too. One time all weekend I was doing dishes and the boy after being told not to turned the treadmill on full speed and feel and hit his chin and wrist after I told him many times not to go too fast or he will fall and get hurt. I am concerned with the fact that if he falls in my jacuzzi he could crack his head open... BF was supposedly watching him but he was doing skateboard right next to the jacuzzi when i went out to check. I told him to do it in the other patio area that is clear and he did. But BF never said anything, this is what he calls watching him. I just cant take it like this. I never have a say so in any decision. He buys cars and I have no say so... yet they all end up in my driveway blocking my car, and sitting there never getting fixed, leaking oil and other fluide on my driveway. He has a beat up motorhome, a total fixer upper el camino. a toyota truck and when I get my son a car he doesn't even have a place to park. Plus he bought a chevy blazer salvage title car he said he bought to selll but now says he is keeping it. None of us can afford gas on that car! He has two cars at his x-wifes house too!! So he has a total fixer upper motorhome, a chevelle that is all apart engine and body for years he never fixed nothing on yet, I mean like over ten years. A toyota he has been going to put an engine in for 18 years, the el camino that is not drivable either needing electrical overhaul, new engine, and many other details that he was going to fix up and get a lot of $ for but he never fixed it either. Then he has his toyota truck for work that leaks oil in the driveway all over, plus the one he got a week ago a trail blazer. his x wife wants the toyotal off her property, my car i use, he uses his truck the other 3 cars dont work, the motorhome wont ever start and he has spent loads money on it and none of this is my business. I tried to tell him yes it is when they are all parked in my driveway and if i get my son a car he wont have anywhere to park. Now we are fighting and he says we will talk tomorrow but i dont know what about when he says i'm a hypocrite because taking care of the kid without being asked all weekend wiped me out and i got no rest two nights and have to work at 6am. I am so stressed out and cant go to sleep because he can not understand why this is too much for me to handle. He knows I have Depression, Anxiety, bi polar, arthritis in the spine, hip, knees, shoulder, and ankle, headache from terrrible perimenopause (sorry guys but its real), and I feel that he has no kind of understanding of my limitations or coping levels when I am not prepared to do everything a 6 year old wants every second for two and a half days. He brought him saturday afternoon and didn't take him home till monday afternoon. He says it was only one day. I told him ok next time you do it all and see if you do it again so freely next time. He didn't do anything. He watched tv in the living room while I was literally led by the hand by this boy every second of both days and laid next to him needing to sleep both nights not getting more than 2 hours in sequence of sleep at a time. I need sleep to be ok or my anxiety and bi polar go nuts and I think I handle it pretty good he just calls me a hypocrite. Because I tell him it's too much for me for that long he calls me a hypocrite and says ok I wont bring him over anymore - this actually means he will go to the x-wifes house to spend the weekend with the boy. I told him if thats his solution then we are through. What can I say for him to either understand or hit the road and leave me alone forever. Everytime he acts like he is badass and leaves me, many times over this same issue, then in two or threee weeks he texts me off the hook wanting me back and he will do anything etc..... but its lies because this time he said he would marry me ( i told him i dont want the live in thing because I want my church life to be first and do what God's will for me is and I think things never work because I lose my spiritual life and connection with God and my church for going back to him the wrong way. The church is right the wrong way never works out right because you dont have God's grace and God is not first when you live the way I have wth this man. I appreciate any advice and plan to make a serious decision tomorrow. History: Every time he is mad at me he leaves me (a few times to be with other women) comes back saying he is sorry loves me and cant live without me promises to do things I say i need consdieration about but once he is back its the same old story again. I was thinking today if I died right now would I be where I need to be with God? Why am I putting this man before God and what I know is right, even if I am meant to be single its better than this man using me, making every decisions without me, even ruining my weekends by making all his plans without even letting me know what to expect. If he told me before I would have took my son to San Diego and left him to take care of the boy and not been stuck doing everything myself. I think he needs to take care of every whim for 2 nights and 2 days without help and see how he feels. He doesn't care if I don't feel good he puts it all on me and avoids the boy, never answers if he calls him, only says oh yeah good and I am the one who has to sit and live the life of a 6 yr old 24/7 when he comes. Abuse? Or as he says "you are tripping and a hypocrite) ....... is it me? Who would like someone to dictate your weekend without you knowing, in your house, when you need to clean, do laundry, wipe snotty nose (he is sick every time) to me if he is sick he should stay home with his mom and she should take care of him. I hope i dont get it. so far everyone got it including my son and the BF and his daughter and I am the only one who didn't get sick yet. I pray i dont because its holiday month and if i miss anywork i will get written up but i can't work if i am sick because our clients have disabilities. What words should I use to solve this problem maturely????