Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I grew up with a narcissist for a father. The one who beat up every woman he was ever married to and his children. It's worth noting he has been married 8 times and has over 8 children, of which the two he speaks to regularly are 6 and 3, not old enough to not want to talk to him anymore. I have dealt with my father's emotional and physical (granted it was only physical one time for me) abuse for 24 years of my life. Close to my 24th birthday my father told me to get the fuck out of his life and never talk to him again because I wouldn't come spend the weekend with him. I had enough. This time I didn't go crawling back asking forgiveness. This time I didn't forget and act like nothing ever happened. This time I stood up for myself. Nearly 2 and a half years later I am marrying the most wonderful man I have ever known. And I'm not inviting my father. This has been the most difficult decision I have ever had to make. And my family continues to pressure me to forgive and forget. At what point am I allowed to be okay? The only time in my life I've ever felt okay is when I don't feel his constant pressure on me. My constant need to make sure he is comfortable and happy even if that means giving in to his every whim. My family is just as manipulative basically putting me in a position that if I don't invite him then I don't love them anymore. Which has turned my wedding into a nightmare. I really need input, advice, and if anyone has dealt with a similar situation. I keep having anxiety attacks about this issue and I just need some outside perspective.
already, I urge you in the
strongest terms to find
and work with a therapist
whose specialty is recovery
from dysfunctional families
of origin. That would be
the best way to get
perspective on the
chaos that's followed
you into your adulthood.
If you don't, you risk
never escaping this
mess and also risk
the real possibility
that it will continue
to follow not only
you, but your yet
unborn children.
That's how familial
dysfunction travels
from generation to
generation.
Second, whether you
decide to hold out or
give in and have your
father attend is up to
you. Basically, your
dilemma probably
has no good resolutions
either way. You'll
have to arrive at a
decision that you
feel you can live with.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
clarity, healing
and a better life
going forward than
the one you had to
this point.