Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I 100% broke it off with my boyfriend of 4 years tonight, him saying he's sorry about making me unable to love him and that he'll always love me and me saying goodbye and that I hoped he'd find a way to be happy. Of course he says he'll never be happy because what would make him happy is being able to make me happy to be with him...
He beat me 2 and a half years ago, when I was younger and had no car or license and lived with his parents and had nowhere else to go. And then he was emotionally abusive, leading up to me finally getting distant and being mean back after over another year of it. He says he's changed and I can't get over it, but yet any time he gets really angry he's banging on the doors I'm locked behind saying if he gets through he'll beat my head in or ripping mirrors off my car after grabbing for my throat and being upset that I slipped away.
He says it only happens because I lie to him or lead him on about being able to work things out with him, but I know that's not true. I know that he's sick and it wouldn't matter how well I behaved or gave in to him, not if he still has the capability for these violent tendencies.
I want badly to be my own person. To not have to compromise or walk on eggshells. I should be able to date someone and tell them no, or tell them I hate the way they clutter up the bathroom counter and not expect an hour of wailing and bawling or a week of telling me I'm "no parent white trash scum" who just wants to boss him around.
I need help to find strength.
This makes me so lonely. I have my own apartment. My own car. But I have two days off right now and I've spent every minute of the last four years with someone to talk to and cuddle up and watch movies. There were good times, and I can't breathe when I think of truly giving them up.
I want the man I slept side by side with. The man who bought me a fish. The man I went to the zoo with and the man who gave me stuffed animals and made mixed CDs of music he knew I'd like. He knows almost every part of me and it kills me to lose that half of my life.
I just wish it didn't come with the nightmares, the terror, the wondering if it would happen again and if this time it would kill me. I'm so scared to be on my own and I'm so scared to be with him. I really hate what this has done to my life and to me. No one understands this.
What can I do? What do I do? I need help to stay strong in my decision and I am never one to ask for help. Please, dear god, someone help me.
He beat me 2 and a half years ago, when I was younger and had no car or license and lived with his parents and had nowhere else to go. And then he was emotionally abusive, leading up to me finally getting distant and being mean back after over another year of it. He says he's changed and I can't get over it, but yet any time he gets really angry he's banging on the doors I'm locked behind saying if he gets through he'll beat my head in or ripping mirrors off my car after grabbing for my throat and being upset that I slipped away.
He says it only happens because I lie to him or lead him on about being able to work things out with him, but I know that's not true. I know that he's sick and it wouldn't matter how well I behaved or gave in to him, not if he still has the capability for these violent tendencies.
I want badly to be my own person. To not have to compromise or walk on eggshells. I should be able to date someone and tell them no, or tell them I hate the way they clutter up the bathroom counter and not expect an hour of wailing and bawling or a week of telling me I'm "no parent white trash scum" who just wants to boss him around.
I need help to find strength.
This makes me so lonely. I have my own apartment. My own car. But I have two days off right now and I've spent every minute of the last four years with someone to talk to and cuddle up and watch movies. There were good times, and I can't breathe when I think of truly giving them up.
I want the man I slept side by side with. The man who bought me a fish. The man I went to the zoo with and the man who gave me stuffed animals and made mixed CDs of music he knew I'd like. He knows almost every part of me and it kills me to lose that half of my life.
I just wish it didn't come with the nightmares, the terror, the wondering if it would happen again and if this time it would kill me. I'm so scared to be on my own and I'm so scared to be with him. I really hate what this has done to my life and to me. No one understands this.
What can I do? What do I do? I need help to stay strong in my decision and I am never one to ask for help. Please, dear god, someone help me.
This complicated syntax is actually very simple to understand.
Learning to be with yourself and trust yourself is hard , but possible. I am still there. I am still learning after four years. I am alone, but so relieved he's gone.
The man who bought you
a fish and gave you stuffed
animals has grabbed for
your neck and threatened
to beat your head in.
Let me tell you something
about abusers who attempt
to strangle, smother, choke
or in any way cut off another
human being's (or any other
living creature's) airway,
Those abusers are the ones
most capable of and the ones
most likely to kill their victim.
You say you can't breathe
when you think about giving
the good times with him up
and it's possible that if you
stay together with him you
may have more occasional
good times.
But at some point, he'll
blow into a rage
and choke, strangle,
smother, or kill you
in some other way.
Afterward, he'll be sorry.
He'll be sorry he no longer
has his victim to abuse.
He'll be sorry he's
locked up in prison.
He'll be sorry that
in prison, HE may
end up being the
one being abused.
Before another sun sets,
call your state's or province's
women's center. There are
people there waiting to help
you find your way out of a
life of being abused and
a possible death at the
hands of an abuser.
Please DON'T DELAY.
Your life is precious.
Your spirit is irreplacable.
If you don't know how to
find your women's center,
private message me and
I'll give you a hand doing
that.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
safety and healing.