Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I was going to a therapist for this...I really need to go back. Even though I have gained at least SOME self control with the crap I put my husband through... I still want to throw him through a window half the time.
Not good, I realize.
This is really hard for me. Not to admit that I'm abusive and manipulative..but for people TO KNOW. I always want to project this perfect image of the smiling housewife. When underneath, I'm really just evil. I feel that way anyway.
I live with this guilt, terrible guilt. But I don't believe myself half the time, because I apologize, and repeat. He's even brought it to my attention.
I feel like a goddamn sociopath sometimes. Like I really have NO regard whatsoever for the other person. Sometimes I just feel sooo off the handle, totally out of control... I really don't know if this is the right group to post in or not. So I'm sorry if I got this wrong :/
I don't want to make excuse for what i do or have done...I try not to...my mind sometimes goes backwards on me and tricks even me. Its almost like, a really bad habit. A terrible addiction to powertrips. I need another way to feel "high". I just DON'T want to channel it into violence anymore. I am SICK of making him feel like sh*t. I haven't had a violent outburst in a few months..which is a record for me, believe it or not.. but it doesn't make up for the ruin that I made.
I want to go back to marriage counseling, but I'm scared like hell. Cuz I know then, I will see the real UGLINESS inside of me. I really need a change of direction. I am remorseful...I'm caught in a cycle, I've been doing it for years, with every boyfriend. To the point where I just use people and toss them to the side.
I just ask one question...really, is there any hope for me?
Sometimes really, I feel like I should belocked away in a damn cell..
Not good, I realize.
This is really hard for me. Not to admit that I'm abusive and manipulative..but for people TO KNOW. I always want to project this perfect image of the smiling housewife. When underneath, I'm really just evil. I feel that way anyway.
I live with this guilt, terrible guilt. But I don't believe myself half the time, because I apologize, and repeat. He's even brought it to my attention.
I feel like a goddamn sociopath sometimes. Like I really have NO regard whatsoever for the other person. Sometimes I just feel sooo off the handle, totally out of control... I really don't know if this is the right group to post in or not. So I'm sorry if I got this wrong :/
I don't want to make excuse for what i do or have done...I try not to...my mind sometimes goes backwards on me and tricks even me. Its almost like, a really bad habit. A terrible addiction to powertrips. I need another way to feel "high". I just DON'T want to channel it into violence anymore. I am SICK of making him feel like sh*t. I haven't had a violent outburst in a few months..which is a record for me, believe it or not.. but it doesn't make up for the ruin that I made.
I want to go back to marriage counseling, but I'm scared like hell. Cuz I know then, I will see the real UGLINESS inside of me. I really need a change of direction. I am remorseful...I'm caught in a cycle, I've been doing it for years, with every boyfriend. To the point where I just use people and toss them to the side.
I just ask one question...really, is there any hope for me?
Sometimes really, I feel like I should belocked away in a damn cell..
Once again, I'm glad you posted and I applaud you for this big step.
Congratulations on getting clean.
Good work.
I urge you to return to the therapist,
either the one you're with or another.
An addiction to powertrips is a really
bad thing for every single person in
your family. If you don't break the cycle
of this dysfunciton right away, your children
will live it out in their lives and pass it along
to their children.
Don't bother with couple counceling.
The problem is not with the relationship.
It's with your habit of using and tossing
people aside.
Find yourself a counselor or coach who
understands your need for powertrips.
If you don't want your children to suffer
as you obviously are, get yourself to
an effective therapist.
You've made good progress so far.
Keep on doing the work you need
to do. Thirty years from now, your
children will thank you for having
modeled how to be a partner with
respect and love.
From what I can see in your profile, you have a mood disorder which is what is very likely causing you to act the way you do. Bipolar is a serious condition and please try and find the right treatment for it.
Yes, there is hope for you! Keep going, speak to someone about therapy, about your conditions and keep moving.
PS You are not a sociopath, don't worry about that. And no, you're not evil either.
HUGS and stay clean from drugs and alcohol. This will help you incredibly in moving forward and healing even more! You can do it!!!!!!
i truly do not know what to do sometimes.
i was hoping to at some point find a woman...maybe women i could relate to,and they would be able to relate with me.
i have no respect for law enforcement of any kind anymore due to an incident of sexual assault by an law enforcement officer.
i do need some one to be able to understand what i have been thru.when i do sleep if i am lucky i may see around 2 hrs a nite,,,in sleep if i am lucky.i suffer from a severe form of ptsd.for me , i am just trying to face what happened...i do understand how difficult it is for you....as i have been told the same by others...to get over it..
i only wish it was that simple.all the dr i see does is give me pills to try to sleep.they only help a little. i wake up scared for my safety.my bf died from leukiema in 02. i do miss him.i was grateful to him as he was understanding.i agree drinking is not an answer to the problem, as i can speak from first hand experience. i started drinking and smoking at age 6.my problems only increased due to those habits. i now have been sober 20 yrs,7 months.if you wish, i d be willing to listen....and request someone be there for me ....also.regards
I forgot how I too used to be like that. I remember that feeling. I relate to your share.
I've been clean and sober 6 years now and I do believe that has helped me quite a bit.
I also know I too found my abusive behavior was taken out only on bf's. I made much progress in sobriety, I was no longer physically abusive. I would still be controlling and critical, though.
I realize I pick men who are abusive and I in turn behave in ways that lead me to feel absolutely horrible about myself. I think if I chose healthier men that would mean I was healthier. I picked sick men to take out my sickness on.
I am taking a break from relationships. I do not like the person I become when I stay with someone who is abusive. Victims can tend to take on the blame. We get pushed to a point and react and we feel like crap but we're being pushed and we can forget that.