Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I am devastated. I realized that my husband was a covert narcissist who had been manipulating and abusing me for the past 6 years. I moved out today. It is so hard to stay away. He finally said what I wanted him to as I was packing my things, "I will go to counseling" But I know he would be doing it just to keep me, because he says "he doesn't believe in it", and "he doesn't need someone to tell him what is wrong with him". But I can't help but feel guilty, that is what I always wanted. It took me literally leaving before he could say it to me. I am so heartbroken. He even had the nerve to say "I don't think you love me, you just love the idea of me"....I can't believe it....my marriage and future plans were an illusion. I just kept making excuses for why he hurt me so badly. Why he would cut me the deepest with my secrets, and insecurities. He had a rough childhood. My love will heal him. He does good things too. Please help me heal this hurt. :(
Please don't let empty words sway your resolve. You will go thru a grief process and a withdrawal process.
You are right about your marriage and future plans were an illusion. Abusers are quite good at creating illusions as well as inviting us to feel guilty.
Having a rough childhood isn't an excuse to abuse another person.
Please KNOW that your love will NOT heal him. Only he can heal himself. All that will happen if you stay is that he will use your love to hurt you. He will suck the life out of you. He knows how to push your buttons.
IF he wanted to get better, he would have gone to counseling a long time ago. Believe him when he says he doesn't believe in it and that he doesn't need someone to tell him what is wrong w/him. That shows you his state of mind and his core belief system. It isn't true in reality, but it is true for him because he believes it.
No one is all bad. But doing good things doesn't make up for all of the harmful things. Doing good things just keeps stringing the 'source' (you) along.
If you haven't already, please find a qualified therapist who has additional training over and above what they got in school in trauma & abuse recovery. And take very good care of you!
~healing hugs!