Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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I miss some things....

radrm
radrm
It has only been one day and today occasionally I keep finding myself looking at my cell phone because I am missing certian things from the relationship I just ended. I miss that text message i always got around 10am asking how am I and whats for breakfast. Even though I know he only did it because I had told him to be considerate and let me know whats going on, keep communication open.... blah blah blah!! When I think about why do I miss this thing that I had to request in the first place? He didn't want to do those things it was a condition of him getting me back again. He should be happy now because he doesn't have to come home, text me, or include me in his plans. He never did those things until I would say I'm not going back with you because you don't care or love me. If you did love me or care you would want to stay connected and not go days without me hearing from you. I told him he only contacted me because he was ready for sex again. It was true. So what can I do when I feel the urge to look at my phone for that text that wont be there? How can I change my thinking and get out of the habit of having that other person in my life? Its an empty feeling but not worth the emotional abusive relationship I am leaving behind. Can I retrain my brain?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes you can! First things first, turn that phone off unless you need to make a call. When your brain realized it's turned off, you'll quit staring at it so much. DO NOT turn the phone back on unless you need to use it, then turn it back off. Only check your messages during Rhode moments when you're so disgusted with him that you have no desire to respond.

Now, are you doing the clarifying index card exercise? Whenever you feel like breaking no contact, work on your cards.
Reelin4real
Reelin4real
Exactly, Peachy!

Radrm...it's only been a day. Give yourself a yr. One day at a time. Sick as it is, this is all just an addiction, and your mind is very volitile right now. Be patient, work hard, find constructive/productive/fun ways to fill your time, and this, too, shall pass.

{{hugs}} GL!
Livndadrem
Livndadrem
If there was nothing to miss, this board wouldn't exist, because we would all just walk away from our abusers without a backwards glance.

Keep in mind all the things you do NOT miss.
Scarclan
Scarclan
Yep, when I miss him I remind myself of all the little and not-so-little ways that he tore me apart inside.
serenitystar
serenitystar
Scarlan. excellent advice. I do the same and it does seem to help.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You CAN retrain your brain! Once a little more time passes, you'll see. NO CONTACT is best! Keep reading all you can about emotional abuse, victim recovery, etc. You'll be learning all about YOU, and finding out how much you've really been missing yourself!!
radrm
radrm
I know you are all right and very helpful to me right now and I want to thank you all for your support! I am probably coping pretty good right now but that attempt for him to contact me will begin in a week or two because that is his pattern. I only need him to get the rest of his stuff out of here and I can stick to the no contact. If he texts or asks me anything not concerning that issue I will just ignore it. He always starts wtih a text saying "Hey how are you doing?" My son and I have a sort of game we start today, not mention him or his family at all and if we slip (my son has complaints about him and his kids too), but if we slip we will remind each other to stop and see if we can quit even wasting our time thinking anything about them all. I think it's a good idea so game on!!! I went to bible study with my friends last night and realized that those things mean more to me than that man ever could. Saturday I have another church gathering like a prayer group and I will go to that and keep doing as much as I can to focus on positilve things. I am taking my meds so that helps too...lol! Thank you all, stick with me because I'm bound to be a pill at times.....