Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I am gearing up to leave, trying to cover my bases to ensure that my kids and I are as safe as possible in all ways before I go. In the meantime, I am trying to avoid engaging in potentially dangerous battles with him. Trying to just survive until I can leave. Damn it he makes it so hard though! It is a constant thing, every day there is a new accusation, crazy behavior, silent treatment, discounting, and just meanness that I am trying to ignore. Once a week there is a discussion he will initiate that means I will not be able to sleep until the wee hours of the morning because he won't let me until we "resolve" the issue....I usually can't even figure out what the damn issue is because he jumps from topic to topic and keeps talking in circles until I just start agreeing to whatever I think he's saying to get it to end. He calls me constantly, or won't call which then causes a fight because I was supposed to take that as my cue to call him, BUT if I think I'm going to win this battle by calling him, he uses that as an excuse to attack me because he's BUSY, just because I don't have anything important to do doesn't mean he doesn't! I am SO exhausted! I realize I need as much strength and energy as I can muster to prepare for the fight I know is coming, but where the hell am I supposed to find it!?!? I'm sorry I'm just having a pity party because I just had another exhausting conversation with him. Lord please give me strength and sanity!!!!
this is one of those times you need to put on your mental jet packfreeze the scene, look at he ariel view. is there a reason to engage in each battle? is it possible he's reacting to your impending exit by amping up the chaos? if you fly higher can you isolate only the few, key things you need to interact with him on, and disregard every other thing? can you further dissect those meetings and boil them down to facts only, bare bones?
he's running you in circles to keep you tired and in circles. become like the guys in the matrix, jump up in the air and hold it, spin around and be decisive. save your strength for calculated strikes, don't waste it getting yelled at during a phone call that was unnecessary in the first place. disengage. when he creates too much smoke, pop back up in the jet back.
only the passing of crucial information should put him in your eye-line, nothing more. he will get mad and fire back, but by then you'll have had a minutes rest and you'll be ready.
become still in the blowing reeds, grasshopper, do not be distracted by the jackals in the woods and keep your eyes on the distant shore of your future. you'll get there.
My soup shield is listening to whatever "he" says then blinking and looking confused and saying, "Sorry...I didn't get that last part, I was thinking about soup." And then I nod and laugh as I say, "Okay." to whatever it was he was saying.
If you believe he will hit you or do anything physical to you when you ignore him like this, leave the situation immediately.
Be well.
i am nominating you for a nobel peace prize. that is genius, and if you start a cult i'm signing up.
Does he know your leaving? Just be very careful....abusive people get more abusive when they are about to lose control over you.
I did accomplish some tasks today....rented a small storage unit near my job, started packing up my son's room...since he is currently staying at his gf house this seemed the most logical place to start, started writing a detailed history to show cause and hopefully be proactive in event he tried a surprise attack, almost finished the splitting" about high conflict divorce, and spent time with the 3 kids and my sister and nephews. I've decided to start exercising again because I'm desperately gonna need it :-)
You're on the right track, and we are right behind you :) Hugs xxx
You're surviving in
the middle of a
BATTLEFIELD.
You're doing what
you need to do to
survive. You're
doing it.
You have strength
and sanity swirling
around in your gut.
It's there inside.
I enjoyed the soup
interface, and it
definitely sounds
like a moment of
levity, in the context
of relatively functional
but irritating people.
When it comes to dangerous
abusers such as yours, I
would be reticent to employ
any tactic that could even
possibly, be an excuse
for an abuser to escalate.
(Abusers don't ever actually
need an excuse. All they
have to do is imagine that
they're justified. And they
almost always imagine
that.)
When you feel exhausted,
practice self-care. Your
energy will return.
Sending you hugs
and healing prayers.