Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Isn't anger a stage in the grief process? i can't remember the stages & can't be bothered to look.
I just wanted to bring up this topic because I think I worry myself a little bit. I'm so angry at him. I saw him this weekend, like a dummy, because he said he was going to take me shopping for xmas b/c he felt badly about everything that's happened.
I just couldn't keep my mouth shut i guess. I had had had to talk about how i felt, it got wild. it got all crazy with him pushing me around & me laughing like a maniac.
I was so angry & this morning, I'm still so angry. I'm angry because he's an asshole who just simply doesn't care at all about how i feel, or why i feel the way i do. he just said i was blaming him for all my problems & that I should get some help to deal with how i feel. He looked at me like I was a piece of crap & I was just mad.
I couldn't help it. I just looked at him and said, it is your fault. It's all your fault. He looked like a mad man & I looked like a mad woman. He was trying to intimidate me, scare me, make me meek & afraid & all i could do was to stand there & laugh in his face with his bully tactics. Laughed at him & taunted him. He pushed me, I went back, I just kept fighting back and back and back.
what I'm wondering, am I alone in this? I just wasn't afraid anymore at all. I was so so so angry. I mean, I just wanted to poke his eyes out, but instead I poked at his little black coal heart. I said the meanest words I could muster, I snarled, growled, felt like I was being crazy, but I just wanted to get under his skin so badly because he didn't give a shit.
I always said it. For everything he's ever given me, I've paid for it with tears. Today. I'm sore. My arms & chest hurt. I bet bruises will pop up but I feel so empowered.
I feel sad & sorry too that it ended up like that but I'm just so pissed off.
I've made it through the sadness & lonliness I think but I dont want to end up angry & bitter.
this will pass too i think no?
I just wanted to bring up this topic because I think I worry myself a little bit. I'm so angry at him. I saw him this weekend, like a dummy, because he said he was going to take me shopping for xmas b/c he felt badly about everything that's happened.
I just couldn't keep my mouth shut i guess. I had had had to talk about how i felt, it got wild. it got all crazy with him pushing me around & me laughing like a maniac.
I was so angry & this morning, I'm still so angry. I'm angry because he's an asshole who just simply doesn't care at all about how i feel, or why i feel the way i do. he just said i was blaming him for all my problems & that I should get some help to deal with how i feel. He looked at me like I was a piece of crap & I was just mad.
I couldn't help it. I just looked at him and said, it is your fault. It's all your fault. He looked like a mad man & I looked like a mad woman. He was trying to intimidate me, scare me, make me meek & afraid & all i could do was to stand there & laugh in his face with his bully tactics. Laughed at him & taunted him. He pushed me, I went back, I just kept fighting back and back and back.
what I'm wondering, am I alone in this? I just wasn't afraid anymore at all. I was so so so angry. I mean, I just wanted to poke his eyes out, but instead I poked at his little black coal heart. I said the meanest words I could muster, I snarled, growled, felt like I was being crazy, but I just wanted to get under his skin so badly because he didn't give a shit.
I always said it. For everything he's ever given me, I've paid for it with tears. Today. I'm sore. My arms & chest hurt. I bet bruises will pop up but I feel so empowered.
I feel sad & sorry too that it ended up like that but I'm just so pissed off.
I've made it through the sadness & lonliness I think but I dont want to end up angry & bitter.
this will pass too i think no?
Then they all kinda repeated and skipped around until I got a really good psychiatrist to help me figure things out. I know how you feel. I still get pissed sometimes! Feel free to vent.
and I would feel wild and powerful.
and I think it was a good relief. and it generally did make him back down at that moment.
I think that there's nothing wrong (in fact, I'm incredibly jealous!) with your anger.
of course, you shouldn't have been with him-isn't there still a protection order against you? and then, you freaked out on him (and were able to get a lot of shit out-do you think it helped though? abusers never get it in the end)
but then, he ended up hurting you. it could have been way worse!!!!!
I think that you being this angry is good. it is a step in the grief process..
just ride the wave of anger-surfergirl!
Hugs to you.
riding the wave of anger
while the evil man turns a blind eye
gosh..i'm so glad i'm not that fn dense. I can be a bit of a fruitcake sometimes, but at least i'm not dense.
LOL
When I look back to when I lived with the ex, I realized I lived in a perpetual state of the 5 stages of grief. Once I got out for good, I went thru it again. Some stages reassert themselves, but they are getting shorter and shorter & less & less intense.
Like rainne, I have a really great therapist and she has helped me immensely.
It can also be very helpful (and even feels good) to find a big stick and beat the crap out of a stack of old newspapers...Put his picture on top and wail away girl, as many times as you need to!!!
Hugs!
My 3 yr old was bullied in the park by two boys recently. He stood up to them, telling them that what they were saying was wrong (they were calling him a baby). Later, he said to me "mummy, I was SO angry". I told him what I'm saying now - he had every right to be angry, those boys were being mean to him. What matters is how he reacted to the anger which, on that occasion, was really really good (he's not perfect, he doesn't always use his anger so well lol).
Sometimes doing the shouting can feel good in the moment but, ultimately, it's not healthy. All it does is keep you connected and gives them ammunition. Far better to maintain no contact, and to release it in another way (such as beating a stack of newspapers).
Every now and then I still, 3 years later, get a wave of anger against my ex, usually when I think about my son who now doesn't have a father in his life. And I allow myself the anger - because I know it's justified. In allowing myself the anger, it usually passes pretty fast now.
You have a right to your anger. Allow it - just don't let it control you.
Hang in there. You have been through so much, it's no surprise that you're experiencing some pretty intense emotions.
(((hugs)))
liv! i wont let it control me. i wont let it control me or my life.
whew..wow..what an ordeal! i tell you! wow..i still ask..
how the hell did this happen to me?
i've changed. i've changed so much. i feel weak now and i feel strong also. i feel like such a different person. i said that to him..i said do i look anything like i did when we met? am i anything like that woman? he said no. i said, that's your doing & that's how it all started.
wahtever.
i ended it quite nicely..even tho i was flat on my ass, i walked away laughing & pissed right off
;)
I also believe anger is kind of like a map. It tells you where you want to be and where you don't want to be. Who you want to be, and who you don't want to be (you don't want to act like the person who made you angry, because they probably violated your ethics). I think I got that from Julia Cameron, The Artist's Way. Anger gives us the energy to move away from something bad, or to push it away from us.