Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Today I am hurting all over, I was with my SO all weekend, he took me out to the woods on Sunday so we could spend some time together, I miss him so much when we are apart. I love him with all my heart.
But I am not going to go into details as to what happened except we were doing fine all day, and then it was evening, and I don't remember anything really that happened, I try to..... but my mind left my body when he was attacking me. I gained my composure, and my survival skills went into motion, and when we returned, he came into my house with me and I fed him a meal and he went to sleep with his arms around me, and I was awake for the last two days with really no sleep.
Today I lost my work badge, so I got a little rest when he finally left and went to work, cause he called into work these last tow days, and he was with me the whole time. Needless to say I was jittery all weekend, but I had to pretend that all was ok to make him believe all was ok. If I would have kicked him out I would have caused more injury to myself. So I let him stay all through Monday, and Tuesday, each day praying he would leave for his mom's house.
This morning I sent him off with a couple of longing kisses, and sent him on his way, He is texting me, and I am texting him, but I am hoping as the days go on, he will lose interest and stop texting me. He already isn't texting me and it's only been 3 hours since he been off work.
I was never more scared for my life. I never hurt for my kids more than I did that day, I made my girls go with my ex and my son went to his cousins house, no one knows what happened to me, I haven't been anywhere to see anyone since Sunday, I am here at work, but I am keeping to myself and not really looking at anyone. Just staying at mu computer and looking busy.
Oh....everyone around me knows he is abusive, and tells me to get away, but before this Sunday I never really was serious about it.
I have begged and pleaded with him to love me and be with me. I have crawled on my belly like a worm trying to show him how much I love him, but in no way has he ever showed me that he wants to be with me.
Now I know that it isn't going to work, I know he doesn't love me. Because people who love each other don't treat each other like we do.I have to say while I was in defense of myself, I said some pretty nasty things to him, but it was only because he was on top of me, choking me and telling me we were over. I tried biting, kicking, throwing stuff to get him off me, finally I just went limp and he let go. I was hysterical by then. He said at the final moment "I messed up"
But I am not going to go into details as to what happened except we were doing fine all day, and then it was evening, and I don't remember anything really that happened, I try to..... but my mind left my body when he was attacking me. I gained my composure, and my survival skills went into motion, and when we returned, he came into my house with me and I fed him a meal and he went to sleep with his arms around me, and I was awake for the last two days with really no sleep.
Today I lost my work badge, so I got a little rest when he finally left and went to work, cause he called into work these last tow days, and he was with me the whole time. Needless to say I was jittery all weekend, but I had to pretend that all was ok to make him believe all was ok. If I would have kicked him out I would have caused more injury to myself. So I let him stay all through Monday, and Tuesday, each day praying he would leave for his mom's house.
This morning I sent him off with a couple of longing kisses, and sent him on his way, He is texting me, and I am texting him, but I am hoping as the days go on, he will lose interest and stop texting me. He already isn't texting me and it's only been 3 hours since he been off work.
I was never more scared for my life. I never hurt for my kids more than I did that day, I made my girls go with my ex and my son went to his cousins house, no one knows what happened to me, I haven't been anywhere to see anyone since Sunday, I am here at work, but I am keeping to myself and not really looking at anyone. Just staying at mu computer and looking busy.
Oh....everyone around me knows he is abusive, and tells me to get away, but before this Sunday I never really was serious about it.
I have begged and pleaded with him to love me and be with me. I have crawled on my belly like a worm trying to show him how much I love him, but in no way has he ever showed me that he wants to be with me.
Now I know that it isn't going to work, I know he doesn't love me. Because people who love each other don't treat each other like we do.I have to say while I was in defense of myself, I said some pretty nasty things to him, but it was only because he was on top of me, choking me and telling me we were over. I tried biting, kicking, throwing stuff to get him off me, finally I just went limp and he let go. I was hysterical by then. He said at the final moment "I messed up"
Please go to the nearest women's shelter & tell them whatever you remember. Let them get you to a hospital so that the abuse can be documented. Then ask to see a therapist .
What you describes are all signs that you dissociated during the attack & that you went into shock and you are more than likely still in shock both physically & emotionally.
Please seek medical attention immediately. It doesn't matter how much time has passed. PLEASE GO NOW!!!
He needs to be stopped, but first you need medical & psychological attention.
PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU.
Please, Please, Baby, stay away from him. Please for your kids do not let him kill you. You have to keep your kids safe by leaving him.
This is absolutely horrible, what you put up with. Please, for your sake and your children. Like the others have said, leave now.
I am sending you loads of support and a ton of hugs.
I am still safe, I am at home, he is at his mom's. I do plan on getting away.
I am in less pain today, and I do plan on talking to my advocate so everything can be documented down on paper.
I never realized how dangerous he was until this last weekend.
I just thank God my children were not with me this weekend. They don't know this happened, otherwise he would be dead not me. That is why I am not saying anything to anyone.
Other than my advocate, no one knows what happened to me.
I can't believe I let this happen to me again. I am not going to let it happen to me again.
For all I care he can rot in hell for all the physical, psychological, emotional, and trauma he put me through.
Like I said, no who love anyone would ever do this. Never threaten your life, never hurt you, never overpower you, never put you down, never tell you your nothing without them, that he did more for me than all my exes put together(yeah more damage).
But I will be ok now, he knows if he comes near me again, he will be in danger. He won't be coming around any time soon.
The funny thing about abusers, is they can be so tough with you as a woman, but with other men or authority they become such weaklings and so helpless. I hate abuse!
most of us here have been in that moment. that awful, horrible moment where all you can see is the madness/hate in their eyes, and you don't know how far it's going to go this time or how it will end. a moment I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
so glad that this moment gave you the clarity to know that there is no going back to this man-EVER.
it was that way for me. those moments-that might have only been minutes, but felt like fucking decades...centuries....
that was when I knew for sure, that I was done.
I was thinking
get away........
I was thinking
got to make it to the next second........
I was thinking
is this my last breath.........
I was thinking
You F*kg a*hole, what makes you the god of my beginning and end......
I was thinking
please don't kill me.......
I was thinking
who would love to kill this man for me......
I was thinking
if any man were here he wouldn't be doing this to me......cuz he is chicken...
there were a million thoughts in those few mins, I don't even think it was two mins, but to me it felt like an eternity. I fought so hard to be free from him. I was so mad, angry, hurt, sad, you name it, I felt it at that moment. I never thought of man I wish we could go home and be together and live happily ever after...my illusions are gone now.....I finally seen clearly for the first time in the three years we were together.
He cheated on me, and he will cheat again on this one. he abused his ex, and now he's abused me, and will abuse the next person in his life.
I can't get what I want out of him, so I just have to move on and live my happily ever after by myself. He will still be miserable and alone.
I have the scars to prove it. I have the aches and pains in my body to prove it. I have documentation to prove it.
Thank God my children never seen what I saw on Sunday. I will always be grateful that they are free from that horror. Not any horror movie could compare to what I went through on that lonely isolated road our there in the woods.
If he continues on down this road, of abuse, he is going to end up in jail, broken boned, and old, or dead. I never wish this on him but its the truth. I hope him love and peace in his future. nothing more and nothing less.
You F*kg a*hole, what makes you the god of my beginning and end......
what DOES make them???????
so freaking true!
I was so totally bent on making it through this weekend, and so thankful to make it in one piece to Wednesday. When he left I slept hard.
I have a dog I take care of for my daughter, her name is roxie. he doesn't like her, because she is scared of him. Well when he was busy scaring her, (she is a chugwynee-chihuaha, puc, wiener)
I noticed how she was acting around him, she would cower and run around the furniture, and look over at him from the other side of me, I kept reassuring her it's ok, I would pet her and make her lay down, but even then she was laying there on gaurd of him, eyes open and shaking.
I related to her, and hugged her close to me and told her I'll protect you. Nothing is going to hurt you. and she finally after a long time went to sleep, under my blanket and close to me.
It was in that moment I was so heartbroken, because through her actions, I saw myself. I saw how I acted when he was around. I saw what awful discomfort I put myself through.
My thought was I need to get away from him, when he leaves me this morning that is it, I am not going to ask him back, I will just let bygones be bygones and start my new life with me and my children.