Oh ya Tony, I know that feeling, we are sooo done with the BS, and then they open their bag of stupid tricks to see what might work. BAH! I'm so glad you see straight through it...good for you.
Actually PTSD can cause what you describe. I was very hypervigilant after my ex left. So many things startled me, and often my imagination would get the best of me, as in thinking he was there...behind me, waiting or something! Even though it was very unlikely, I soon found out it was a normal response to the trauma.
Please continue therapy, and reading about PTSD, it'll help.

Oh God that sounds like me now calmzone...Im terrified of bumping into my ex and always feel like he's around..

i have been waking up scared in the night too. and my stbx has never physically touched me. but has threatend and raised his fists. he has broken my glass fron door. threatened me saying he would make things up about me to police. i am scared too. it also hurts doesnt it? it hurts alot. to know someone you loved could betray you in so many ways.

Tonya-I have been sort of where you are, only I listened to him and gave in. That was in November. Now we are in a renewed effort at the marriage and have been to a marriage renewal weekend. Very powerful experience with many other couples with different problems. If you can picture someone who does something just because they are called chicken, that's me. My mother-in-law had just been by to tell me I had not even tried, even though she either condoned everything he did under the guise of depression, or she had no clue what really happened. Anyways, he caught me in a weak moment and asked me to go, and I went to say I did "everything" I could. Now he is starting to bring up strategies learned at our weekend to make me feel guilty about not spending more time with him. He is clearly stretching the limits of what these exercises were devised for, so I am feeling manipulated already less than a week after the weekend. I admire your stick-to-it-ness. Stay with it and you will be able to cope with the strength you have. I think that all of those instincts that pop up are self-preservation thoughts. You do need to think of the worst case situation in case it happens sometimes. Don't give it too much thought, just think about what you can do to protect yourself and then put the matter aside in your mind. Stay strong!!

What you feel is quite normal, unfortunately. To get rid of my ex, I ended up having him put in jail for a week (2nd breach of the restraining order I had against him, though without violence). Although that first night I had the best sleep I'd had in I don't know how long, even in that week, I had the fear, even though I knew he was in jail and couldn't possibly touch me.

It does get better. You can do this. You are so strong to not be listening to his BS.

Gosh, thanks for the replies it helps so to get feedback that what you are doing is right.For now, I think he believes he can convince me to get over this and come home to him, we have been here before.But not this time, I am done.I just am a bit nervous of his tactics, what he will do to get me to comply with his wishes.See I never really so called put my foot down before,and this is my 1st time to ever really mean what I have said, no matter what he does.Because before he has always been able to manipulate me through whichever means he needed to use to get me to do whatever he wanted.Thanks for helping me out ,with the encouragement, I'm a bit nervous but I will stay away and never live under his control again.

What will he do? Anything and everything. He will try to push every button you have ever had, as well as any others he may suspect you may have had.

I can feel the strength in what you write.

If you don't have kids or any other reason you HAVE to be in contact with him - just don't be. At all. Nothing. It's the best way to heal. If you do have to be in contact with him, keep it strictly to the reason (kids or whatever) and hang up or ignore anything outside of that.

It's hard work, but it gets easier and it helps SO much.

I've been out for two weeks. He even knows that I've met someone else and he still calls, he still begs, and he swears that if I'll just go back he'll "forgive me". Right, after he beats the crap out of me. The truth is I still care about him and it does bother me when I see him crying and begging, but I know what it will be like if I go back. I can't even stand to hug him anymore. Just stay strong.

Aint it grand that they will "forgive" us for the abuse they subjected us to? What wonderful human beings they are. Ugh.

I so agree,my H has his reasons as to why he has the rages and always wants me to come to the acknowledgement that I have just as many faults as he does!!!!Isn't that so sweet I think I will just admit I'm a worthless piece of shit, that has no use at all ,so he very well should treat me this way! I am really falling for the remorse.Shouldn't I , I am very at fault for his anger, his addiction,his rage, how clear does it have to be.

I know you are being sarcastic and that you don't actually intend to apologise and admit that everything he does is your fault. But the truth is, even if you do that, you'd STILL be wrong because you'd be weak and never stand up for yourself.

The goal posts shift CONSTANTLY with these guys.