Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
hi everyone! I have recently re-joined under a new username because I could not remember my password for the other one. I used to be under "scarletthurts." I took a long hiatus from this website because I became extremely ill after breaking up with my psychologically abusive ex. For those who don't know me I'll sum up my story very briefly: I was engaged to a woman (I am also a female) whom was my soulmate and I met her in college. We had what I thought was a very healthy relationship and I was extremely happy with her, we were together for 5 years. To make a very long story short, I realized she had been lying to me for years and sending me hate mail from my mother's screen name just to separate us. I eventually broke it off with her when she continued the bad behavior and it was beyond a doubt the hardest thing I've ever done. I have Bipolar disorder but kept it at bay during our relationship because my ex was very supportive. I KNEW once I broke up with her I'd get sick but she had pushed me over the edge. Sure enough, I got very sick after the break up. I had to live with her for 5 more months, it was hell. It was just awful. I don't know how else to say this but I literally went insane. I had to quit my grad program as a mental health counselor because I got so depressed I could barely function or attend classes. The break down was really, really bad and I've been severely ill for the past 8 months. Now all I think about is death, dying and violence. I can't get myself together at all. She betrayed my trust and pretty much proved to me that I am worthless, like everyone else has treated me. I pray every night that I'll die. I don't want to be here anymore at all but life goes on with or without my soul. I moved back home a couple months ago and I hate it here. I just don't know what to do with myself. my ex and I are still good friends and I sometimes visit her and we sort of act like we're together but we're not. I just can't live without her, despite all the lies. Just wanted to update you on why I haven't been online in a while- I can barely breathe these days.
She doesn't have special powers that you don't have to balance your BPD.
Your focus needs to change from her and her lies (including pretending that you are still together) in order to heal and stabilize yourself.
You were SO BRAVE to make it trough the last few months when it was hard. I think you were awesome! That sounds awful and I don't think you are giving yourself enough credit for getting through that mess. You've done an incredibly hard, painful thing and you've done it without the support you were used to having! That's outstanding. You must be a very strong person.
As for the rest, you will be okay. I can tell just listening to you. Just take it in baby steps, and remember that even baby steps are moving you in the right direction. Be patient with yourself. Heal. Grieve. And figure out the new life you want t create for yourself.