Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I was here last year trying to sort through my abusive relationship after the fiance and I lost our son. Well, I messed up. I straight screwed up this time. Now I just feel like I'm in such a deep hole, that I will never dig myself completely out of this.
Very long story as short as I can get it...(still long...sorry!)
We were separated for a while, and then like what always happens, we end right back up together. This time, he actually took quite a few initatives on his own and got into both court mandated and optional counseling, he would even come home and get my attention right away to tell me what he had learned and how sorry he is for what behaviors he knows he has been exhibiting. It was great for a while...sort of. We talked when we had arguments instead of the usual dramatic outbursts that were the norm before, he really did make an effort. Maybe I was too hurt and there was too much damage done and I was in denial, maybe I have some issues I need to sort out myself so that I'm not trying to inflict pain on others even after this...I don't know yet. But I was so distrusting of everything he did, that some days, he literally told me he feels like nothing he does is making a difference. I openly admitted to him that forgiveness and healing doesn't happen overnight, and I truly think I need help myself because I can not get myself to let my guard down.
Well, I got pregnant again. I was on depo-provera and went in for my next shot and they come back telling me I'm pregnant. Awesome. I wasn't excited this time. Honestly, I was just really really sad.
Right after we find out I'm expecting...his parents told me they're taking him on a vacation. His dad literally threw it in my face that my fiance had asked if I could come and his dad said "h*** no".
But I was expected to be a full time caretaker to the fiances grandmother, as well as taking care of the house, dogs, cats and all the other living creatures here. While puking several times a day and so exhausted I can hardly move. I respectfully declined explaining I didn't have the energy, I was guilt tripped into it over the course of a week.
And that's when the abuse started happening again. He dropped out of classes and counseling, and started getting horribly mad when I was sick or exhausted. He's upset that I'm not giving him attention, and "acting like a child" for sleeping in ONE day. I literally did not think I could be shattered more.
He's been gone nearly a week and I haven't heard a thing for days.
I'm seriously considering placing this baby for adoption. But I dread to think what it will do to my already frayed and damaged emotions.
On the other hand, my situation is too dire, I feel I can not give this child the life I want for it. I have horrible credit, absolutely no support in general and I still haven't found a job.
Not to mention how emotionally damaged I am. I don't want my baby to be like me!
I really don't see any light at the end of the tunnel this time.
Very long story as short as I can get it...(still long...sorry!)
We were separated for a while, and then like what always happens, we end right back up together. This time, he actually took quite a few initatives on his own and got into both court mandated and optional counseling, he would even come home and get my attention right away to tell me what he had learned and how sorry he is for what behaviors he knows he has been exhibiting. It was great for a while...sort of. We talked when we had arguments instead of the usual dramatic outbursts that were the norm before, he really did make an effort. Maybe I was too hurt and there was too much damage done and I was in denial, maybe I have some issues I need to sort out myself so that I'm not trying to inflict pain on others even after this...I don't know yet. But I was so distrusting of everything he did, that some days, he literally told me he feels like nothing he does is making a difference. I openly admitted to him that forgiveness and healing doesn't happen overnight, and I truly think I need help myself because I can not get myself to let my guard down.
Well, I got pregnant again. I was on depo-provera and went in for my next shot and they come back telling me I'm pregnant. Awesome. I wasn't excited this time. Honestly, I was just really really sad.
Right after we find out I'm expecting...his parents told me they're taking him on a vacation. His dad literally threw it in my face that my fiance had asked if I could come and his dad said "h*** no".
But I was expected to be a full time caretaker to the fiances grandmother, as well as taking care of the house, dogs, cats and all the other living creatures here. While puking several times a day and so exhausted I can hardly move. I respectfully declined explaining I didn't have the energy, I was guilt tripped into it over the course of a week.
And that's when the abuse started happening again. He dropped out of classes and counseling, and started getting horribly mad when I was sick or exhausted. He's upset that I'm not giving him attention, and "acting like a child" for sleeping in ONE day. I literally did not think I could be shattered more.
He's been gone nearly a week and I haven't heard a thing for days.
I'm seriously considering placing this baby for adoption. But I dread to think what it will do to my already frayed and damaged emotions.
On the other hand, my situation is too dire, I feel I can not give this child the life I want for it. I have horrible credit, absolutely no support in general and I still haven't found a job.
Not to mention how emotionally damaged I am. I don't want my baby to be like me!
I really don't see any light at the end of the tunnel this time.
My point in sharing my story is to help you not shame yourself for giving him another chance, and to encourage you to leave again. I read your first post on here last summer where you talked about him strangling you and you calling the police. That scares me for you and your unborn child.
I can imagine it feels impossible for you to leave right now, with the hormones and fatigue of pregnancy and the desire to have help, especially if you have other children (you said you got pregnant again but didn't mention other kids). But I can promise you that whatever you choose, to keep the baby or give it up for adoption, that child and you will be better off NOT living with abuse.
It's really hard when you first leave. I felt lost and totally insecure after 10 years of living with my abusive husband. However I also felt free. It's not a crime or anything to be shamed about to sleep in, whether you're pregnant or not. But those hard feelings pass with time and you will rediscover yourself when you are safe to explore. I encourage you to seek out counseling at a women's DV shelter, for two reasons. One is to get help forming a safe way to leave your fianc and the second is to explore your options and your feelings regarding your baby. It's hard to make big decisions like that when you're living with abuse.
In your first post you wrote that you were 22 and had your whole life ahead of you. YOU STILL DO! You gave him a second chance, he ruined it, that doesn't make you a bad person or a failure. However it sounds like you realize now that he has not changed permanently (like most abusers don't), and now you must do what you need to do to save yourself and your baby. Take care of you.
It's not wrong for you to consider adoption for the baby and I applaud you courage in trying to do what's best for the child. In the meantime though there's no way you'll make it through pregnancy and childbirth without some support. Plus abuse tends to escalate during pregnancy and infancy stages. Can you call your local domestic violence group and your local crisis pregnancy center? Those people are usually super compassionate and well-trained for helping with situations like this. Don't give up hope on reaching out for help - there ARE people and resources out there to help you and you DO deserve help and support.