I haven't wrote in here in such a long time. I guess I've been so busy getting my life on track that I haven't had the time to write. Plus, things have been going well. I'm finally happy!! I think part of me didn't want to go on this site as often anymore because I associate it with the horrible time in my life. The times when the only escape I had from the abuse was on this site. A place where I knew I wasn't alone and there were caring people that understood my pain. There was a point in my life at this time one year ago that I thought I could never be happy again. But it does and has happened for me! I enjoy my new found freedom so much. I enjoy being able to do what I want when I want and don't have to answer to him anymore. It took me awhile. Sometimes I would go out and not even know what to do with myself. I didn't know what it was like to live anymore without having to worry that my actions would cause a fight. Or that he would blow something small completely out of proportion. Or having to worry about his needs and feelings before my very own. I am such a positive person now. I look back on life a year ago and wonder who that girl was back then? I feel like she is a stranger to me now. A coworker said to me the other day that I'm such a happy positive person. And that I'm single and I'm still so happy all the time. I thought it was a strange comment at the time but I took it as a compliment. And why? Because I'm in love with me!! That's why I'm happy. I don't need a man to validate my life. When I had that I always felt anxiety. Now I barely ever feel anxiety anymore. I knew I was miserable when I was with him but I didn't realize how bad it really was until I got out of it all. It takes time to heal but once you really realize the gift of being free....that is like my drug now. Not a man. I used to be terrified to be alone. I used to think that being in a relationship was better than being alone. I used to think that I would be alone forever. But I'm not alone....I have friends and family that I can spend time with and not have him be jealous of that. I have wonderful people in my life that cared for me and helped me heal. Who wanted me to be happy, because they love me, for me...not for thier own selfish reasons. My day will come when I meet a man that respects me and treats me like I should be treated. Now that I am positive, that will attract the positive people. I've been through so much heartache in the last few years but that is part of life. Part of my past. The tough times really do make you stronger. I am not perfect and I can accept that. Everyone will make mistakes but that is part of living life. There is always a new beginning, you just have to give yourself the chance to start over. It can be scary but once you are at rock bottom, there is no way but up. I have learned from this experience and have grown within myself. Maybe one can never fully appreciate freedom until you've lost it and got it back......and once you get it back, it feels damn good!! :-)
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