Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hi all:
Hopefully someone can relate to this. My wife and I are going through the painful slow end of an abusive marraige. She has been the abuser for 16 years. Although I have prepared mentally as best i can for this time I know it will be painful.
The thing that scares me most. She says "she will forget me in a second". The scary thing is she MEANS it. She doesnt speak to her mother and says she pretends shes dead.
We separated one time for about three weeks and she ws so mean to me. And she went to live with her narcissistic singel sister. I just dont understand how people can be so cold. We had 16 years together. many good times. My crime that I am guilty of now is I had a brain injury and am not able to do certain things. I know I am better off without her but I also know that her forgetting me in 1 day will be make me hurt, angry, abandoned and alone.
been trying to get ahold of my DV therapist and she doesnt return my calls. Its thru the county and maybe she doesnt want to give free help anymore. Hard to go of this alone. Anybody ever deal with this cold horrid personality disorder?
Martin
Hopefully someone can relate to this. My wife and I are going through the painful slow end of an abusive marraige. She has been the abuser for 16 years. Although I have prepared mentally as best i can for this time I know it will be painful.
The thing that scares me most. She says "she will forget me in a second". The scary thing is she MEANS it. She doesnt speak to her mother and says she pretends shes dead.
We separated one time for about three weeks and she ws so mean to me. And she went to live with her narcissistic singel sister. I just dont understand how people can be so cold. We had 16 years together. many good times. My crime that I am guilty of now is I had a brain injury and am not able to do certain things. I know I am better off without her but I also know that her forgetting me in 1 day will be make me hurt, angry, abandoned and alone.
been trying to get ahold of my DV therapist and she doesnt return my calls. Its thru the county and maybe she doesnt want to give free help anymore. Hard to go of this alone. Anybody ever deal with this cold horrid personality disorder?
Martin
I'm so sorry for your pain.
The kinds of emotional disconnection
that you've described in regards to
your soon-to-be ex's behavior is
about having the ability to relate
to others in a healthy, empathetic
way ---- DE-activated.
That's why it's called "personality disorder."
For the most part, they appear to
function in the world, often holding
jobs and having families. But their
level of functioning within those
circles is IMPAIRED.
I can understand your feeling
hurt, angry, abandoned and
alone, being left behind like
an out-of-date kitchen appliance
after the remodeling is done.
I'm so sorry tht you're hitting
road blocks, getting the clinical
support you need. Please,
DON'T GIVE UP. Stick with it.
If the DV therapist doesn't
follow through, contact other
agencies. Don't stop till you
get help. It's out there,
especially now, with
affordable health care
being the law.
Ultimately, your soon-to-be ex
is in a worse place than You.
She's stuck with herself, and
I assure you ---- that's NOT a
happy place.
Please take good care.
Sending you hugs
and healing prayers.
.and then you'll survive. it will hurt and hurt. and you will yell and cry and scream. and you'll survive. if you're like me you'll stomp around like a child and smash pictures and things she loves. but you'll survive. feeling hurt, angry and abandoned sucks, but it wont kill you. and you are never alone as long as you look for help, like you did just now.
you can't get your mind around someone being able to "love" a person for 16 years and then walk away like nothing happened, and it keeps you distracted and frustrated. like a knotted ball of string you keep picking up to untangle - because you forgot new string costs like 30 cents - the focus becomes unraveling the mystery and forgetting why you needed the string in the first place. you wont understand because you aren't a damaged, abusive, empty shell (which is nice) and part of letting go is letting go of the need to know why. it's not important how she can flip a switch and turn cold, its important to know that she can. that's all you need to leave, that's all you need to carry. let her have it.
i'm sorry your therapist is another crappy therapist, please don't give up. people here will give advice about how to get free help, you are never alone. her choice to turn off her memory doesn't diminish your lovability or awesomeness, it only deprives her of the chance to relive it. remember that.
I wish you all good things!
Ehope
16 years is a long time to endure being treated so cruelly. Hang on to the good times and find a way to occupy your time so you can move on.