Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Every other week I have to see my abuser. I have to meet him in a public place. Be in the same place as him. I have to see his face. Have to pretend I like him. Forget about what he did to me. Push back my tears as I am screaming on the inside from fear. Why would I do this to myself? I do it for my daughter. For those of you just reading my posts, I got pregnant not long after meeting my daughters father (my abuser). Long story short, he gets custody of our daughter every other week. I never truly knew how strong I was until I had to give up most precious gift (my daughter) to someone who I thought so little of. I had to meet with him this afternoon, which is part of the reason I waited until now to post this. Every week I have to meet him to drop our daughter off, I struggle emotionally because my daughter is a part of me and I miss her terribly.
I am struggling more this week because of what he said to me. I had a doctor’s appointment this morning and informed him I would be able to meet afterwards. He instantly became so concerned of me (not like he was ever concerned for me in the past). Continuous questions of why I was at the doctors and what I was being seen for (mind you it was just a simple wellness visit). I was so taken back at first, like “wow, he is really caring about me” But on my long drive to meet him, I was able to think this all through. He does not actually care about me. He has demonstrated that so frequently in the past and I could not get myself to believe that he genuinely cared about me.
For my experience today, I not only had to let go of my daughter (for the week) but also build the courage to give in to my ex. I am sitting her tonight, feeling confident in my ability to see through the false intent of my ex who pretended to care about me. I realize now he was trying to pray on my weakness (thinking I was in ill health) and manipulate me to thinking he was a support for me. As hard as it was for me to begin this post, I am ending it congratulating myself.
“Mal, you were able to get through a time where you felt weak. You were able to overcome your exes ‘knight in shining armor moments’ and you were strong.”
Can’t tell you how good it felt driving home tonight. I felt so strong and proud of myself for not caving for him.
:)
Mal
Who knows? Maybe he does love you?
Love is enough when you're 3. Growing up means learning self control and learning how to care about others. For some of us, these are easy lessons to learn. For others, it's much harder. At 18, whether your parents helped you or not, it's your own responsibility to learn.
(I had to explain all of this to my kids about their step-mother. They were 5 and 7 at the time.)
As they've gotten older, my kids see this in action. They have compassion for people who say stuff like that, but then wait to see what they'll DO.
You did great!
Knowing only what I know
from the fact that you're on
this board and you've made
the decisions that you have,
I agree with you. My hunch
is that his sudden concern
over your well-being has
more to do with him fishing
for information to use later
for his own purposes than
actual regard for how you
are.
Even if this position is
wrong and he's suddenly
recovered from being an
abuser (which happens
almost never). . . . . . . holding
this perspective in your
mind, even if it's just a
possibility, reinforces
your ability to maintain
healthy boundaries going
forward. If we're wrong,
and he's suddenly a man
filled with empathy and
the ability to support his
child's mother and
co-parent responsibly. . . .
you can always make that
adjustment.
If (and this is way more
likely). . . . he's not suddenly
a new man but is the same
abuser you already know
him to be. . . . . then you're
that much further ahead
and have kept you and
your daughter safer.
Good for you and go
on taking great care
of yourself, both for
you and your child.
Hugs and wishes
for all good things
for you and your
daughter.