Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
hi,
i am sorry, but i need to get this off my chest.first, a little background...
my mother physically and emotionally abused me from ages 11 to 18. my high school helped me leave 3 weeks before graduation. i have cerebral palsy, and would not have been able to leave on my own. i went to a local shelter that summer, and continued counseling for my first year of college. it has been nearly 6 years, and my mother and i are re-building our relationship.
since then, i have been diagnosed with PTSD and EDNOS. it took me 2 years to tell her about the eating disorder since i moved, my brother and sister have moved in with my dad. they prefer to avoid my mom.
recently, my mom came over and began asking me about therapy and saying she wanted to get family counseling with my brother and sister. she asked me if she could see my therapist. the whole thing made me feel incredibly uncomfortable. i don't think she needs to be pushing us to get over this. she also said she knows things got "heated", but she she felt we had a "good relationship" untill i moved. she consistantly trivializes abusing me as well as the affects it had on my brother and sister. that triggers me like crazy, and makes my ED scream at me. how do i handle this? anyone have any similar experiences? i'm sorry. this just continues to bother me.
i am sorry, but i need to get this off my chest.first, a little background...
my mother physically and emotionally abused me from ages 11 to 18. my high school helped me leave 3 weeks before graduation. i have cerebral palsy, and would not have been able to leave on my own. i went to a local shelter that summer, and continued counseling for my first year of college. it has been nearly 6 years, and my mother and i are re-building our relationship.
since then, i have been diagnosed with PTSD and EDNOS. it took me 2 years to tell her about the eating disorder since i moved, my brother and sister have moved in with my dad. they prefer to avoid my mom.
recently, my mom came over and began asking me about therapy and saying she wanted to get family counseling with my brother and sister. she asked me if she could see my therapist. the whole thing made me feel incredibly uncomfortable. i don't think she needs to be pushing us to get over this. she also said she knows things got "heated", but she she felt we had a "good relationship" untill i moved. she consistantly trivializes abusing me as well as the affects it had on my brother and sister. that triggers me like crazy, and makes my ED scream at me. how do i handle this? anyone have any similar experiences? i'm sorry. this just continues to bother me.
I think its tactics, i just dont think they will ever see their problems and the effects they inflict.
I know it gets to you that you are not getting the saticfaction from your mum on building bridges, but i think that for that part of the bridge you may have to accept that it is never going to be built. I dont think she will acknolwedge the reality or what she did. To me and my experience of this type of dumbing it down, i thiknk that this is abusive because its taking away our experiences and its still holds the same intent as to when abusers say things like " your over sensitive, you blow things up out of propotion" or "you dwell on things too much"
I think you will be waiting a long time to get the acknowledgment from her on this one.
Based on what you said, it seems like your mom recognizes that there was a problem, as she now wants family counseling, but doesn't see or want to recognize that she was the problem. It seems like she's trying to make amends.
which is telling you that
something is off. . . is
on target.
If you mother want to get
therapy, then she should
get any therapist in the
world other than YOURS.
To me, her asking you for
yours screams out as an
attempt at CONTROL.
That she's constantly minimizing
her abusive behavior is a strong
indicator that she hasn't made
much progress towards anything
different. Most abuser don't. Most
abusers don't ever get to being
NON-abusive.
What you described in your post
feels to me like a clear and vivid
scenario of attempting to do
"damage" control. . . since she
sees that you've moved toward
a healthier life ---- beyond her
grasp. Abusers HATE that.
I agree that getting a referral from
your therapist and passing it on,
is a good idea. Beyond that, frankly. . .
I'd be real careful about being around
her, too much.
Sending you hugs and thoughts
for all good thinks.
Take good care.
That's because she feels
threatened by a perceived
loss of control.
(With due respect,
abusers abuse in
an effort to control.
Most were abused
themselves, somewhere
along the line. So they
attempt to never allow
anyone else to ever
have more control
than they do.)
Sending you good wishes
in all things.