Hey there,

Glad that you had a go at talking to her, at least.

As for what kind of person would turn something like that into a fight... well, an unreasonable one. Very possibly emotionally abusive.

My husband and I used to have this same fight all the time. And it would end with him making almost the exact same statement your wife made. He was an emotional (among other things) abuser.

You say you have been married about two years? The difficulties for us in general started to get really bad after one or two years. This is often the case. The honeymoon is wearing off and the abuser starts finding fault with you in everyday life. Not because of you! They are just getting their hooks into you by grinding you down occasionally, so that eventually, you will be too confused to know where you are, let alone ever leave them.

Now that talking has not worked, I would suggest reading more posts on this group. Your post here is SO similar to many! It may be time to start looking into the possibility that your wife is abusive. But do not tell her you think she is abusive, or that you are searching for answers! Do your research away from her. From experience, this is best.

Sorry this is not a more hopeful reply, but take care and hope you will stay with the group! There are lots of wise and kind people on here who I do not doubt will be able to help you figure things out. :)

"""""""""""What kind of person turns a heartfelt conversation into a screaming match and an insult contest?"""""""""""""""""

An abuser.

""""""""""""""""""""""""Is there anything I can do to fix this?""""""""""""""""""""

No.

But you CAN "fix" your life.
You can REMOVE yourself
from the crosshairs of abuse.

Sending you hugs and
healing prayers.

I'm so sorry this happened. I've been there. Just the other day in fact. I can't bring up anything at all that could possibly be considered a criticism or judgment of her without her overreacting. One time I tired to tell her that her negative attitude about everything was difficult for me to deal with. She reacted by trying to open the car door while I was driving. Another time I tired to say that I was hurt the night before when after I was physically too exhausted to have sex, she said "I guess that means you don't love me anymore". She started screaming and insulting and raging and pulled the car over in the parking lot in the middle of nowhere. My girlfriend has been diagnosed bipolar and borderline personality disorder.

If your wife can't have a calm conversation about your shared sex life, then she has some major issues she needs to work out.

Based on this and your other post, I am setting aside the assumption she is abusive, based on your own words.

Instead, I have a couple of things for you to consider:


Has it always been this way, or is this something new? If it's always been this way and neither of you have addressed it before now, it could be that you've both built resentments toward the other for your own individual reasons unknown to the other. And as soon as someone tries to bring it up, both your defenses come out. (normal human behavior). Many times we don't realize we sound resentful or defensive because its all buried in our subconscious & it usually shows up in tone of voice &/or body language.

If it's just started, then it has everything to do w/your relationship and needs to be addressed w/a qualified therapist. Usually denying sex is related to other areas of the relationship. So I would suggest that you each see a DIFFERENT therapist and work on your individual issues.

Tried to speak with my wife during my lunch hour. She refused to talk about the fight last night, flat out said "I will never go to a therapist, there's nothing wrong with me" and said she was going tonight but wouldn't tell me where.

I feel like I should have just shut up and not said anything.

Aw Jim, I'm sorry she is responded this way. It sounds like you tried to have an adult conversation with her about your concerns and she is acting very un-adult-like about it. It doesn't sound like you did a thing wrong on your part.

If you haven't already, please read through this site. Not all will apply, but maybe some you can identify with...and then maybe none of it will seem familiar. But hopefully it will give you a better idea of what is going on in your marriage.

Peace,
LT