Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
It seems like nearly every day for the past month, my husband is rude, condescending, nasty and verbally abusive. He's constantly yelling at me that I'm stupid and cussing me out.
He has a multitude of stressors and somehow I am always the recipient of his anger, hurt or frustration. And every problem he has, I am to blame for ruining his life.
(Backstory: he is bipolar, and had 2 episodes of threatening suicide since 2010. 1st time he was hospitalized, 2nd time arrested and charged with felony terrorist threats against me when police were supposed to take him to the hospital. Both times I called the police, thus I am to blame. With a felony, he cannot work in his previous field, and no one in his family has spoken to him in over a year, but I really don't know why.)
We have separated about 3 times, but each time he comes back he is very verbally abusive and has been physically abusive. I thought this was all related to medication noncompliance, but psych meds or not, he blows up at me and half the time I don't know why.
I literally went downstairs to ask if he was going to move my car or if I should. This somehow turned into me being a stupid f-ing zombie who can't pay attention to anything that isn't school or work related or on tv. He starts ranting and raving and I don't even know what he's talking about or why he's mad. He will scream at at me, "I'M NOT MAD!!!" Who screams and cusses at someone when they aren't mad? I kept asking, why was he upset, what was wrong, and what can I do to help him, several times. At one point he tells me, "instead of saying (I forget what he said here), why don't you try asking me what's wrong and how you can fix it?" I was like, I've been asking that this entire conversation! He then says "what? I never said that, I would never want you to fix anything for me". He seriously didn't realize he said that to me.
Anyways, I'm tired and feel like I'm in a constant state of confusion with him. I never know why he's mad at me from one day to another and it's exhausting.
I work in a high stress job and am the sole income at this point, although I've been paying every extra penny I make into helping him start his own business. Then he complains he has to do it all alone. I can't win. Thanks for letting me vent. No one really knows all this is happening, just little bits and pieces.
he refuses to take any medications consistently. He removed permission for me to talk to his psychiatrist, and honestly even if he does take it a day here or there, it must be taken daily to have the expected effect. Sporadic psych meds makes him sleepy at best. He spends most of his time in a manic state, arguing politics and race on Facebook, starts 17 projects and finishes none. Won't bathe or sleep for up to 4 days. This is probably the worst he's been in years. I can't force him to go to the psychiatrist nor can I force him to take medication. I do STRONGLY ENCOURAGE (nag incessantly, lol). We went to a therapist (of his choosing) for years. Mostly it consisted of him yelling and me crying. Or him rationalizing his erratic and hostile behavior as he was using meth (I didn't know at the time) with his psych meds.
He refuses to take any responsibility for his words or actions. He insists that sending a picture of himself with a gun to his head to my work was a "joke" and I should have gotten a sense of humor, not called the police when he was nowhere to be found for several hours. I honestly thought he was dead somewhere.
Today he is ranting & raving about his ex-wife and how great Trump is. We're supposed to go to a comedy club show. Who knows what will happen.
Thank you for the response. I know it's all bad and unhealthy. Just not sure how to help guide him back on track. He has absolutely no where to go and I can't afford to put him up in a separate residence. I'm kind of stuck. I thought if he had his own business it would raise his self esteem, provide him an income and a reason to create a routine to help balance out his day.