Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
My ex left. Before he left I told him make sure you take all your stuff because your not coming back - (so I can stop contact with him).
He asked one of the guys who lives in my house to get his cigarettes (he has about 7 packs I think in his carton left), and put them on the porch for him to pick up. Last night he had texted me to give him his cigarettes and I erased the text and never replied.
He and his family have taken a lot of our stuff during their move outs including 2 brand new radiator heaters that they knew were ours. All the times he came back he never gave us our stuff back.
Today I didn't care about him getting his cigarettes. I don't smoke - it's not like I want them for myself and he is financially well off and has a lot more than I do to live on so I feel he should cut his losses and stay away and not use the guys who live here to get stuff he should have taken with him in the first place.
Then there is a part of me that says am I bad to do that? I don't want to be like him but I don't want him coming near my house. He never goes away for good.
I think he leaves stuff on purpose so he has an excuse to come here for something. I say go get stuff from your ex wife who you want to leave me for to be with on the holidays. I just don't want to see or hear from him anymore but he never really goes away.
So I am wondering if people who see this from the outside think I did ok or should I have put them out there and let it go? I always second guess my instincts like this.
He asked one of the guys who lives in my house to get his cigarettes (he has about 7 packs I think in his carton left), and put them on the porch for him to pick up. Last night he had texted me to give him his cigarettes and I erased the text and never replied.
He and his family have taken a lot of our stuff during their move outs including 2 brand new radiator heaters that they knew were ours. All the times he came back he never gave us our stuff back.
Today I didn't care about him getting his cigarettes. I don't smoke - it's not like I want them for myself and he is financially well off and has a lot more than I do to live on so I feel he should cut his losses and stay away and not use the guys who live here to get stuff he should have taken with him in the first place.
Then there is a part of me that says am I bad to do that? I don't want to be like him but I don't want him coming near my house. He never goes away for good.
I think he leaves stuff on purpose so he has an excuse to come here for something. I say go get stuff from your ex wife who you want to leave me for to be with on the holidays. I just don't want to see or hear from him anymore but he never really goes away.
So I am wondering if people who see this from the outside think I did ok or should I have put them out there and let it go? I always second guess my instincts like this.
You are not being like him either. What you are doing is setting a healthy boundary and sticking to it.
Of course he leaves stuff on purpose.
TRUST your instincts! You did good!!!
And definitely,
be sure to
change your
locks.
Good work.
Block everything.
Trust your gut
and take good
care!
I'm glad the
Clarifying Index Cards
helped.
And I'm glad you've
changed the locks
and installed cameras.
Take good care!!!!!!
He made our exchanges unnecessarily difficult, so I made the tough decision of going No Contact to be done with it. I felt incredibly guilty that I still had some things he claimed he wanted, but it helps to remind myself that the guilt I felt means I truly cared about his happiness.
Caring about others is something a "good" person would do. Putting an end to the BS is something a healthy person would do. As much as it sucks, your concern about whether you did the right thing is proof that you have a desire to do the right thing. Unfortunately, when dealing with an abusive partner, you need to choose to do the safe thing instead. Your emotional well-being is far more important than his cigarettes! But that's one of the "funny " things about abusers; they'll mess with your head until they have you questioning otherwise.
You are on the right path to freedom and NOT being treated like a doormat any more.
I am so very proud of you!!!!!
(((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))
Thanks Gem & Sunblossom for the validation. I like to check myself sometimes to make sure I"m not what he says I am . He is good at projecting his stuff on to me and I'm not really a good fighter so half the time I didn't know what to say... but i feel better.