Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
You know how sometimes you say something and then think, I should've never said that because now I jinxed myself....... Well, I jinxed myself........
Was having good days over the last couple of days and actually feeling good and my head pretty clear. Today, not so much. =(
Why does this happen? Why do my emotions go in waves? Even though I can see more clearly now and what seems so clearly to be manipulation and attempts to control I am now left still question things.
I really thought that the continued manipulation was what I wanted to validate that he is not going to change and make me feel better and to a big extent it does, however for some reason now I am starting to second guess myself again. After our most recent conversatons (yesterday and today), or should I say his lectures to me (in a nice way, if that s possible) about how I should "fake it until we make it" and just love him and act happy until my feelings come back because they will, because time heals everything, because what we are going through happens to everyone and in every marriage people fall in and out of love and don't have good communication and are critical of one another and it i the one 2 to 5 years down the road are happier they stayed then the ones who broke up.
I'm left yet again now wondering if in fact I am taking things too literal, wondering if it is just a matter of bad communication and I am just being too sensitive about it being abuse and, and, and, and.................. =' (
I hate this. I hate this constant feeling of going back and forth. There is much to be done before I can just leave to get away fro this and it is going to take time, I have 2 small kids, I have to be sure I have a safe plan,etc.
I try to think about the future and it really scares me but I don't know why. It is not like being alone scares me, it is not like not being manipulated anymore doesn't appeal to me...... I don't know what it is.
Just praying for strength. Praying for continued....... Oh sometimes I don't even know what to pray for anymore.
Just having a really down day....... Sorry for bringing anyone down that reads this and thanks for listening..
Was having good days over the last couple of days and actually feeling good and my head pretty clear. Today, not so much. =(
Why does this happen? Why do my emotions go in waves? Even though I can see more clearly now and what seems so clearly to be manipulation and attempts to control I am now left still question things.
I really thought that the continued manipulation was what I wanted to validate that he is not going to change and make me feel better and to a big extent it does, however for some reason now I am starting to second guess myself again. After our most recent conversatons (yesterday and today), or should I say his lectures to me (in a nice way, if that s possible) about how I should "fake it until we make it" and just love him and act happy until my feelings come back because they will, because time heals everything, because what we are going through happens to everyone and in every marriage people fall in and out of love and don't have good communication and are critical of one another and it i the one 2 to 5 years down the road are happier they stayed then the ones who broke up.
I'm left yet again now wondering if in fact I am taking things too literal, wondering if it is just a matter of bad communication and I am just being too sensitive about it being abuse and, and, and, and.................. =' (
I hate this. I hate this constant feeling of going back and forth. There is much to be done before I can just leave to get away fro this and it is going to take time, I have 2 small kids, I have to be sure I have a safe plan,etc.
I try to think about the future and it really scares me but I don't know why. It is not like being alone scares me, it is not like not being manipulated anymore doesn't appeal to me...... I don't know what it is.
Just praying for strength. Praying for continued....... Oh sometimes I don't even know what to pray for anymore.
Just having a really down day....... Sorry for bringing anyone down that reads this and thanks for listening..
If you are miserable, you are miserable. Where in all of what he says to you is there any hint of understanding of what YOU might feel or want? Everything he says is calculated towards him getting what he wants. What is he saying that HE should do or is willing to do? Again, it's all about what you "should" do to keep his comfortable little life going.
Fear of the unknown is a powerful fear. And when you have been "trained" (as all abuse victims are) to believe that a future without the abuser is scarier than anything else you can imagine, well it's not surprising it's scary. What's interesting is that you are not scared of anything you can put a finger on - so I'm betting the fear is only the one that he has planted.
And finally, please don't feel you have to apologise. Helping people through the down days is a big part of what this board is for.
I look back to 20 years ago and realized a red flag that I would now run fast away from ... my now husband saying I "shouldn't feel that way". I heard that thousands of times throughout my marriage. One day a light went off when I realized I can't control the way I feel! I feel a certain way because I do! Saying things like this and that you're "too sensitive" is a tactic used to divert the responsibility off of them (to comfort, show us empathy and love) and putting the blame on to us.
Hope your day has gotten a bit better!