Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Yesterday my stepdad lashed out at my mom for no reason. I hate how mean he is to her. He is so verbally abusive.My Mom agrees he is a asshole but refuses to leave him. He makes her feel so stupid. It just makes me so sick to my stomach. He has been this way since the day I meet him. He has split up our family. He talks to me like I am retarded. I just don't understand why my mom is still with him! We would be so much happier if she divorced him. Does anyone have any idea why she would still be with him? I know she doesn't like him. Every time he's home my mom is in a bad mood. He is not physical or sexually abusive to me or my mom. He is just so emotionally abusive and I don't think he knows. I use to feel bad for my mom because he would treat her so badly, but i don't even care anymore. It is her fault for staying with him and ruining my life. Am I a bad person for saying that? Am I a bad person for not caring?
Everyone has their own reasons for staying in bad relationships, and everyone has their own take on how to think about people in those situations.
This is my opinion:
1) Fear of the unknown (Generally the thoughts go as follows, yes this is bad, but I know of some worse out there...and I at least can handle this.)
2) Economic fears (I don't want to end up homeless. And with kids: I don't want my kids taken away from me if I end up homeless.)
3) Emotional dependence (Getting attached to the "why" of it all. What did he mean by what he said. Does he "love" me. The thought that an imperfect love is better than no love at all.)
4) No understanding of what a Normal relationship is like (If your mother was raised in abuse, she just might not recognize this as abuse.)
5) Boundaries (Thinking that a boundary is something that someone ELSE crosses, rather than something that if crossed means that YOU will LEAVE.)
***This is a big one. It means someone gives up all control to someone else.
When my kids were little, they pressed "boundaries" all of the time. Well..I didn't care. I was working nights and didn't have time to argue. The card for the cable went up on the shelf, and TV was gone for that day (or whatever the consequences were.)
And well, I'm NOT sorry. IF someone calls me a bitch, I'm going to leave. I don't care if you love me, or you were having a bad day, or if I did something that "made" you angry... That's MY boundary, MY ISSUE, and I WILL be gone.
And well, if someone loves me, but thinks I'm a bitch for MY boundaries...then I'm really not the person that they should be interested in...
what patti already wrote.
Your mother, as an adult,
is making adult decisions.
At least one of these
decisions is hurting you,
and I'm very sorry for that.
I'm going to suggest that
you look for a trusted adult
to talk to.
It's fortunate that he hasn't
abused you directly, but
the fact that he's abusing
your mother (and you
actually don't know what
he does out of sight of
you), means that you
are being hurt.
I hope you'll look for a
trusted adult to share
your situation with.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
better days ahead.
I grew up in the same circumstances.
My parents were step.
I just confronted my dad to stop touching me on my rear end, and telling me sexual overtone stories. He is so mad, he is not talking to me anymore. He will live! So will I. I have to keep on moving. So