Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So, I broke my own rule and even after changing my cell number to help with NO CONTACT, I got back in touch with one of Exes. Arghhh! At first I thought it was not going to be a mistake, and THAT is /was my first mistake.
Although, this is not as bad at the last time I let him back in my life since there was no intimacy this time, it still hurts. Not as bad, but it is still a headscrew. :(
I have to wonder why do they flip out when you ignore them, when you break away, when you remove yourself from thier life, including all the friends, change number, deactivate social sites..take all precautions to avoid them and all thier people, they will take all measures to make sure to find, run into , have thier friends find/ run into, find excuses to contact you?
Then when they do get you, it is " I miss you!" I cried so hard over you."
I love you." " I just can't trust a girl with my heart." than a barrage of excuses....
To ..if you need a ride here, if you need this or that, call me if you want to hang out this weekend, or don't hang out with that friend as she is a bad influence on you, she is drama or negative or trouble, hang out with me this weekend instead, than cancels at the last minute as he is broke after saying instead he is just too down to go anywhere?!!
Now which is it, he is out of money or he is depressed? Yeah, ok?
Then how can someone miss you sooo badly and cry so much over the time they lost with you not in their life then not text or call you for a week, unless you initiate contact?
Sorry folks, I have to call bullshit on that. ;)
I am honestly angry with myself that I bought into the I need you in my life, I will always be your friend and you will always be in my heart crap, but I am at least happy that I had the strength to not let the man kiss me, have sex with me or otherwise. Granted he did a mind screw on me, and a bit of a backwards slide on my emotions, but he could of done worse as before. I did retain some pride and dignity. I am getting stronger and he did not gain back boyfriend or lover status.
Also I did not play into the needy I have to make contact with you if you don't call me, text me or date me. I did not stay at home and pine over him or obsess.
Yes, I broke contact, yes, I wanted to think he could be a decent person, but....well a leopard can't change his spots.
Hopefully I learned....
Although, this is not as bad at the last time I let him back in my life since there was no intimacy this time, it still hurts. Not as bad, but it is still a headscrew. :(
I have to wonder why do they flip out when you ignore them, when you break away, when you remove yourself from thier life, including all the friends, change number, deactivate social sites..take all precautions to avoid them and all thier people, they will take all measures to make sure to find, run into , have thier friends find/ run into, find excuses to contact you?
Then when they do get you, it is " I miss you!" I cried so hard over you."
I love you." " I just can't trust a girl with my heart." than a barrage of excuses....
To ..if you need a ride here, if you need this or that, call me if you want to hang out this weekend, or don't hang out with that friend as she is a bad influence on you, she is drama or negative or trouble, hang out with me this weekend instead, than cancels at the last minute as he is broke after saying instead he is just too down to go anywhere?!!
Now which is it, he is out of money or he is depressed? Yeah, ok?
Then how can someone miss you sooo badly and cry so much over the time they lost with you not in their life then not text or call you for a week, unless you initiate contact?
Sorry folks, I have to call bullshit on that. ;)
I am honestly angry with myself that I bought into the I need you in my life, I will always be your friend and you will always be in my heart crap, but I am at least happy that I had the strength to not let the man kiss me, have sex with me or otherwise. Granted he did a mind screw on me, and a bit of a backwards slide on my emotions, but he could of done worse as before. I did retain some pride and dignity. I am getting stronger and he did not gain back boyfriend or lover status.
Also I did not play into the needy I have to make contact with you if you don't call me, text me or date me. I did not stay at home and pine over him or obsess.
Yes, I broke contact, yes, I wanted to think he could be a decent person, but....well a leopard can't change his spots.
Hopefully I learned....
They can do a number on you, promising you anything. As soon as you walk in their trap, they are gone.
You know, I think the answer to your question "why do they?" is really so simple----because they can. Some of them learned when they were little kids whether it be men or women, if they cry and complain long enough and loud enough, eventually they will get their way. It usually ends up working.
Good luck.
Exploitation, in it's purest form. It really has nothing to do with love at all.
Also why not try to attempt to have sex with me? I mean it's like it didn't even make an effort? Not that I would have, I made that clear from the get go, but he is normally so slick. And he is pretty hard wired when it comes to that..I mean he is one to send me photos and such so why not try for it?
I guess I am just a bit confused, taken aback as to my own desirability. He even mentioned when I said that he mistook love for lust, he couldn't help himself as I was too desirable. I said " Well you said you could be around me and it wasn't about sex, yet you can't seem to be with me and not have it NOT be about sex. "
Yet, this last time we hung out, he didn't even try for it?
I am honestly confused? I have to think is it that I am less desirable or he may have grown up a bit?
I do realize it is not that he has affection for me, I just am wondering why am I getting respect ?
Secondly, their main aim is to have their victim confused, off balance, uncertain, and definitely doubting themselves. By not having sex with you, he has achieved this. You are now doubting your desirability because you are allowing that he is the ultimate arbiter of what's desirable and what's not. There's every chance he figured that if he didn't initiate, he could get YOU to beg for it - which gives him even more power.
Abuse isn't about desirability or sex or affection or respect. It's about control, chaos and confusion. Your confusion and doubting your own desirability means he's achieved at least one of his aims.
WOW, that was well stated! Thanks so much, that helps to put some words to it. I am such an analyzer and I hate that about myself. I need to learn to stop questioning everything and just let it go. I cannot control others emotions or actions. I need to just worry about my own.
Thanks everyone for your input. Very much appreciated. I am staying No Contact thus far and really trying to just take care of me.