Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So my Ex BF and I own this house together...I have a protective order. Not one with no contact because I need to be able to get the house sold or get it back. I wanted to go no contact. But this is difficult under the circumstance.
So he doesn't answer me...nor my lawyer. HES mad I took the order out. Yeah he can't drink and that's his favorite past time.
I call his mother. She plays both ends. Although she has been very kind to me. Relays back and forth and says HES mad and wants it dropped. Well if I drop it I have no leverage to get my home back. I have quite a lot of money in here and cannot just walk away. My life savings is here. Hes put no money into it.
Today he calls me. I panicked. He was cold as ice. Says you can vacate that order anytime you want. I'll sign the papers for the house.
HERE IS WHERE I GOT STUPID>>
I actually begged him to come back. I cried my heart out. He told me he lost his love for me....we are OVER....and move on.
You see I know hes a bad guy. I know most of the time I just reacted to what he was doing. I don't even know why I got like that. I guess because one month ago I loved him very much.
Well he wanted me to drop it Monday....I agreed. But talked to my lawyer who said I would be making a big mistake until he signs off on the house. I agree. I left him a message and was very calm and business like. Saying it wont happen Monday...but as soon as contract is done he can review and we can both keep our end of the bargain.
I wished him well....said I think you are right. Time to move on and we fought too much. I hope you find happiness.
I really hope he doesn't because hes a miserable man who has a history of hurting women emotionally.
I feel broken inside. I know time will heal me. Just hard to see down the road to where I will be ok.
How could I have begged him to come back. I'm ashamed of myself
So he doesn't answer me...nor my lawyer. HES mad I took the order out. Yeah he can't drink and that's his favorite past time.
I call his mother. She plays both ends. Although she has been very kind to me. Relays back and forth and says HES mad and wants it dropped. Well if I drop it I have no leverage to get my home back. I have quite a lot of money in here and cannot just walk away. My life savings is here. Hes put no money into it.
Today he calls me. I panicked. He was cold as ice. Says you can vacate that order anytime you want. I'll sign the papers for the house.
HERE IS WHERE I GOT STUPID>>
I actually begged him to come back. I cried my heart out. He told me he lost his love for me....we are OVER....and move on.
You see I know hes a bad guy. I know most of the time I just reacted to what he was doing. I don't even know why I got like that. I guess because one month ago I loved him very much.
Well he wanted me to drop it Monday....I agreed. But talked to my lawyer who said I would be making a big mistake until he signs off on the house. I agree. I left him a message and was very calm and business like. Saying it wont happen Monday...but as soon as contract is done he can review and we can both keep our end of the bargain.
I wished him well....said I think you are right. Time to move on and we fought too much. I hope you find happiness.
I really hope he doesn't because hes a miserable man who has a history of hurting women emotionally.
I feel broken inside. I know time will heal me. Just hard to see down the road to where I will be ok.
How could I have begged him to come back. I'm ashamed of myself
And for the record, did you take note of his response to your vulnerability? Mean and abusive as ever. The exchange you describe is an illustration of just how cruel he can be. Make note of it.
In the meantime, is there a way you can take a civil action against him re the house? If so, he can be subpoenaed and will be forced to make aciurt aappearance. As your atty about it. If nothing else, it may trigger another strategy no one's yet considered.
I'm amazed how mean someone can be. Yes I'm vunerable. I've sat on my couch for a month now. Throwing myself a pity party.
And he's in the medical field...psych actually. Tells me I have borderline personality disorder. I absolutely do not. I have I
Trusted a real con artist disorder. Ugh
There's no cause
for you to feel stupid.
He was able to
TEMPORARILY
manipulate you
(again).
That's ALL.
Hold your ground.
Get his signiture.
You will eventually.
With you unavailable
he has a need to
"move on" and
capture a new supply.
My guess is that
when his games
with you no longer
provide the pay off
he requires, he'll
get tired of the
no-longer "profitable"
attachment and do
what's required to
sever ties.
I'm glad your lawyer
kept you focused.
As you said, the
rotective order
and his hatred of it
is your leverage.
He hates it because
it puts him in a bad
light. DON'T DROP it
till you've got your house!!!!!!
Hang in.
You're NOT stupid.
You're doing what
it takes to get your
life back from this
predator.
You're going to
come out of this
okay.
Stay strong.
You can do it.
I think now I am concerned he was taping me because he doesn't want this order. I am sure I will look pretty unstable to a judge begging him back after taking the order. Recordings are admissible in my state. Any suggestions from anyone how to handle this? I feel unstable after what I have been thru. But he did what I claimed in court and took photos of what he did. Also, he was married once. I found his divorce papers after we moved into this house. She was awarded a divorce based on physical and mental cruelty. I asked him why...he said well I didn't feel like fighting the divorce. Seriously? That's insane. Wonder if they would consider that. She wouldn't get involved. They have three kids and grandkids.
He even had a third party call me to try to talk me into it which is a violation of the PO which I reported. She denied the whole thing. He convinced her her just wanted someone to talk to but having that No contact PO doesn't look good for him and he knows it.
Anyway. Don't worry about your emotional reaction. You care for him. It's normal. I wake up everyday missing a guy that did despicable things to me. I just remind myself of why I left. I know eventually it will hit home. Stand your ground on that PO! Boundaries....