Monday, I had the opportunity to listen to interviews with life coaches. And the key theme in the interviews was the lies we tell ourselves. One of the life coaches stated (paraphrased), "Don't act like your relationship with your son is deteriorating". The message kept reverberating in my mind until I accepted the fact that I miss my son and I started to cry. At that moment I made up my mind not to be afraid of rejection and to call him the next day at his high school. (To make a long story short, my ex-boyfriend/kid's father & his mother have manipulated my son to go against me (ex was angry that he had to pay an increase in child support and sought revenge). Ultimately things became so bad that it was best for my son to live with his dad. And of course, I wasn't perfect in raising him but I didn't deserve this campaign to destroy me.)

Today I stepped out on faith and took a risk - I called my son at school to talk to him. I didn't know how he would respond but I am glad that I didn't chicken out. He got on the phone and was very calm and pleasant. I allowed myself to be vulnerable - I told him that I had been thinking about him a lot, I missed him and missed being around him. After that I gave him my phone number, told him he can call me whenever he liked and that I love him. And I was surprised he told me he loved me back.

When I hung up, I was crying and felt so much better because for once in my life, I didn't feel like my love was rejected and I felt in some way that I was accepted. Now I don't know if he will call and I didn't want to come off if I was pressuring him (that's why I gave my number) but at least I tried again to reach out (the last time I wrote him a letter and it is a possibility that he didn't get it).

In closing, thanks to all the women here who have been supportive, nonjudgmental and a "shoulder to cry on".