Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hi all,
I haven't been here in quite a while. I thought over the last few months we were turning a corner. Back around Halloween I told her I wanted a divorce and that I didn't think I loved her anymore. Then she apologizes the next day and tells me she doesn't want to live without me. I relented and told myself I should work this out and things were ok for basically a month or so. Then things started going backward and are just back to where we were. She tells me the other day "I make you so fun, If you married someone like you, you guys would be the most boring couple." I let it pass and inside I know I shouldn't have but there are times when you just get tired of having to defend yourself. This is after months of hearing that I don't do anything. The other day I began a conversation about someone we know... just casual conversation... and made a comment about how "you gotta stay busy" (referring to people in general), but also me and she says to me "you don't do anything." She always likes to say I'm lazy and I'm someone who doesn't like to do anything. I work from home so she'll get mad that maybe... this dishes aren't done yet when she gets home....even though I'm gonna do them later that night. Now she is always making these passive aggressive comments about me like how I don't do anything, how only she understands me and that another woman wouldn't be able to "handle me." They happen so often and she likes to do these things a lot of times in front of people so its like she knows that I will at least be in akward position to say anything because we're in public. I used to go out either every Wednesday or Thursday night with my friend for drinks (someone she knows and likes). I don't go out at any other time (Including weekends) and then all of the sudden she gives me so much grief for having some drinks for a couple of hours with a guy I've known for 13 years or she says "I want to go with you." Is she trying to watch me now? For what? I don't want to be married to her anymore but it is such a hard thing to walk away from someone you've shared so much of your life with for nearly 8 years. Are these things she saying and doing abusive, has anyone experienced anything similar? Any advice ?
I haven't been here in quite a while. I thought over the last few months we were turning a corner. Back around Halloween I told her I wanted a divorce and that I didn't think I loved her anymore. Then she apologizes the next day and tells me she doesn't want to live without me. I relented and told myself I should work this out and things were ok for basically a month or so. Then things started going backward and are just back to where we were. She tells me the other day "I make you so fun, If you married someone like you, you guys would be the most boring couple." I let it pass and inside I know I shouldn't have but there are times when you just get tired of having to defend yourself. This is after months of hearing that I don't do anything. The other day I began a conversation about someone we know... just casual conversation... and made a comment about how "you gotta stay busy" (referring to people in general), but also me and she says to me "you don't do anything." She always likes to say I'm lazy and I'm someone who doesn't like to do anything. I work from home so she'll get mad that maybe... this dishes aren't done yet when she gets home....even though I'm gonna do them later that night. Now she is always making these passive aggressive comments about me like how I don't do anything, how only she understands me and that another woman wouldn't be able to "handle me." They happen so often and she likes to do these things a lot of times in front of people so its like she knows that I will at least be in akward position to say anything because we're in public. I used to go out either every Wednesday or Thursday night with my friend for drinks (someone she knows and likes). I don't go out at any other time (Including weekends) and then all of the sudden she gives me so much grief for having some drinks for a couple of hours with a guy I've known for 13 years or she says "I want to go with you." Is she trying to watch me now? For what? I don't want to be married to her anymore but it is such a hard thing to walk away from someone you've shared so much of your life with for nearly 8 years. Are these things she saying and doing abusive, has anyone experienced anything similar? Any advice ?
The ex boyfriend left, good reddens, but I am still in touch with me father and when he is saying those things there are immediate consequences on my part, I either leave the room, tell him he is being abusive and that I cannot allow him to talk to me this way, whatever works for you.
Your wife is clearly sabotaging herself is she says she doesn't want to live without you and treats you this way, You may stay for a while but the hostility will grow between you and ruin everything. If you don't want to stay married to her then maybe you should consider working towards that.
Respectful adults in an adult relationship don't "handle" each other. We are not horses.
I am still weeding these kind of people from my inner circle. I refuse to include negative, mean, rude, unreliable, selfish and self-centered people in my choices as friends.
It is sometimes hard to recognize those traits right off, especially if it is someone that has a lot of charm and is able to mask the malevolent person underneath.
I kick them out sooner now, than I did in my youth.
Today, I have a reliable support group that helps me recognize when people do not seem to have my best interests at heart. With their help, I can surround myself with a non-judgmental loving community.
We all wish that the abuser will change. Sadly, that's not likely to happen. So, my question to you is, how much of your precious life do you want to spend living like this?
Please consider counseling with a QUALIFIED therapis who has additional training in recovery from abuse and trauma and who can help you to disentangle yourself from your abuser, as well as learn about setting & keeping healthy boundaries.
Please practice extreme self care by putting yourself and your feelings above hers. There's a great book, The Art of Extreme Self Care by Cheryl Richardson. It's an easy read and offers some great self care suggestions.
Yes it is abuse. Anything that is said or done to control, manipulate, degrade, or put down is abuse. In a healthy relationship your partner will understand your need to get out of the house and have that part of you that is an individual. Just because you work from home does not mean that you work any less harder than her, she is devaluing your work. Insults in front of others is a form of control and emotional abuse. It is easy for others to say walk away but all of us know you will go on your time and no one else's. You have to do what is right for you. I suggest that if you feel like it is worth keeping, then consider marriage counseling.