Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I miss being naive to what people are capable of. It still haunts me daily that my ex told people that I did things I never did, and then lied to me about so much more. I don't care what his family thinks about my personality, but I do care that they think I physically hurt my ex. It's an annoyance that he twisted things I'd say, and I'm glad that frustration is out of my life, but it still hurts that he told people I said things that were never said. His family knew he had a tendency to twist things, but what he said about me was so extreme, they took his word for it and shut me out. I hate that at times I feel so much hate for him. I hate that he made me see this side of people that I thought only existed in the movies. It angers me that he so easily let me go without showing any remorse. I'm ashamed of the times I used to try to reach out to get the truth, to receive an apology, to sense a hint of regret, even after I realized he was abusive. I knew he wasn't different, but I tried and hoped anyway that he cared about me.
I'm happy he can't hurt me anymore, but I don't like what he taught me. I don't like that there's nothing I can say or do about it. I don't like that I let him treat me that way. I don't like that he said things to me that were so hurtful, that I still remember them. I don't like that I have to purposely find things to do sometimes just to make the memories stop. I miss naturally doing fun stuff simply because it's fun, not because I need to force myself to have fun sometimes.
I'm happy he can't hurt me anymore, but I don't like what he taught me. I don't like that there's nothing I can say or do about it. I don't like that I let him treat me that way. I don't like that he said things to me that were so hurtful, that I still remember them. I don't like that I have to purposely find things to do sometimes just to make the memories stop. I miss naturally doing fun stuff simply because it's fun, not because I need to force myself to have fun sometimes.
Sending hugs and healing vibes to you!
I agree with cant74deal that the knowledge is better than the vulnerability, and that someday you will see that that is something you have gained as opposed to lost in your experience... but I do get the bit about never being the same again after them.
I feel it as a loss of innocence. They steal it in all sorts of ways.
Sometimes it doesn't become apparent just how many ways until after they have gone, or been gone a while. One of my friends once commented that, after they came across the abusers in their life, they felt like their belief that people were basically good was called into question, because there seemed to be quite a few people to whose behaviour that did not apply.
Sending hugs xxx
RockinBunny, that last part you said about your friend, that's been my experience as well and part of what's made this healing process so difficult for me.
I have been miffed by feeling like I am on a soap opera...it is so unlike me. But soon enough I will be done with this drama when I continue cutting this ball and chain loose! Little by little we will get ourselves back!
You've been injured.
But injuries can be
treated, and treated
injuries heal and
can be rehabilitated.
It takes the right clinician,
hard work and time.
But recovery from the
pain and even the
really deep wounds,
recovery really IS
possible.
Yes. Right now, do
things that might be
fun, even if you're not
particularly motivated.
Do them because over
time, the good feelings
will return. That's the
way the human spirit
works.
HEALING HAPPENS.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
better times.
Please take good care.
I'm sure your ex told his parents something about you that was negative towards them. This is probably how he got them to his side. They are experts at turning others against one another -- especially those closest to them. I believe it is called triangulation? Or something like that... When I was married, I never spoke a bad word about my ex to my family even though he was controlling/jealous/possesive etc. My natural instinct was to be protective. He, however, would tell them things about me and me things about them -- all the while increasing the tension between us while at the same time pretending to me that he had no idea why they didn't like me so much! HA!