I feel so hopeless. I don't feel like I can get anywhere in this relationship or life anymore. I'm so depressed I'm feeling suicidal. I asked my boyfriend last night about some money that went unaccounted for he accused me of interrogating him. I haven't been perfect in this relationship I keep going back to some hurtful things I have done. I found a note that my son had written that said " He saw me go from the one who was abused to the abusive from my last ex to the abusive on to my current by" I spoke with him about it and made sure I changed the way that I said things to my boyfriend and apologized to him for the way I had said things to him. Of course my son doesn't know what my current boyfriend has done to me until recently he is starting to see it. Regardless, I don't want to react that way even if I'm not being treated right because I don't want my son to see that from me. My boyfriend won't give me honest answers if I confront him he will say "Of course everything is my fault" or" Sigh and say here we go or do we have to talk about this again." I have serious health issues that I am dealing with and I'm not able to work because of them. I am having a sever asthma flare at the moment and was put on prednisone with causes my blood sugars to go to dangerously high levels. I need someone who can can help out and make sure I'm ok. You would think that the man who says he loves you could watch out for you. Last night I woke up and told him I couldn't breathe I grabbed my nebulizer machine and took a breathing treatment and he was in the kitchen. He didn't ask if I need to go to the hospital or stay around to make sure I was ok. He walked into the bedroom and went to bed. He has been with me to the Doctor and they have told him that my lungs could swell and I could stop breathing or my blood sugar could drop and I could die. I live in a constant state of fear that he won't be there when I need him because he has proven that and I have had some very close calls. I wish I had a family that would help out, but I'm pretty much on my own. I have to take the lead with everything. He says maybe I should leave then I won't cause you stress. I said I just need to be able to count on what you say. I have even asked him not to give his word at all that would be better than being let down. He still continues to do this. He also says you do have a lot of health things to deal with which I told him upfront. I just feel like I'm destined to be alone because how could I expect anyone to deal with everything I have wrong with me. I know I can't do it alone. My son has also been ill and home from school for the last 2 months. My financial situation isn't good and I can't make it without his half of the bills. We also haven't been intimate for 7 months and he tells me not to take it personal. I offered to go to the doctor with him, but he just came back with samples of E.D. medication. I don't know what to do anymore and i just want to give up. I have taken to self harm again because that is the only thing that relieves the emotional pain.