Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I was with my abusive ex for three yrs and as a result we have a child together. Well he started making threats to me about 8months ago because we were having a fight and my family got involved and told him they would kill him if he ever talked to me the way he was or ever hurt me. WELL he wasn't too happy about that and I changed my number so he started sending me messages on my space and making more threats. He basically just didnt beleive I would actually leave him but I DID I had too! I wouldnt give him my new number and i told him i basically moved. Anyway HE IS BACK after 8months of no contact. I missed him for a minute but I was never going to try and contact him so he sent me a message on myspace a month ago asking me how i was doing and at first i wasnt going to respond and then i did and he was just being nice and we talked a little on there.
So he told me that he had been thinking about our son and his family was asking about him and he just wanted to talk to me.So after a week long of thinking about it I finally gave him my number! I know , I know it probably was a big mistake but things have been going okay we have talked about a lot of things and he basically admitted to me that he hurt me and he was sorry for that and he understands why I did what I did. He told me he was still in love with me and even if we were never to talk again that he just wanted it on a better vibe than it was.He admitted that he does have anger issues and with all the trouble he has got into he finally realizes he needs to calm down. Well the other day he asked me if I had changed my sons last name! I did and he didnt know so when he asked I told him yes I did. He got mad and told me this "THATS NOT RIGHT I C YOU KNOCK ME OUT EVERY WAY YOU CAN IM SO TIRED OF THIS SHIT ,FUCK IT I GIVE UP GOODNIGHT BUT I HOPE EVERYTHING GOES YOUR WAY." So i wasnt going to entertain that so i didnt respond im a different woman now and i dont think he realizes that but anyway he sent me another text the next morning telling me to be careful on the road cause I told him I was going out of town so I didnt respond then he send me another text later on that night asking me if I made it okay. I dont know what to do its hard cause I still love him but i dont know if he is really trying to change or if this is just something to get me back in. Cause he asked me to come see him and i told him no that i was tired and usually he would get mad and not want to talk to me but this time was different he said thats understandable and he changed the subject. Him getting mad over me changing our sons last name is a personal problem because he walked out on us so why would i keep the last name of a man like that. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK , I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. NEED HELP
So he told me that he had been thinking about our son and his family was asking about him and he just wanted to talk to me.So after a week long of thinking about it I finally gave him my number! I know , I know it probably was a big mistake but things have been going okay we have talked about a lot of things and he basically admitted to me that he hurt me and he was sorry for that and he understands why I did what I did. He told me he was still in love with me and even if we were never to talk again that he just wanted it on a better vibe than it was.He admitted that he does have anger issues and with all the trouble he has got into he finally realizes he needs to calm down. Well the other day he asked me if I had changed my sons last name! I did and he didnt know so when he asked I told him yes I did. He got mad and told me this "THATS NOT RIGHT I C YOU KNOCK ME OUT EVERY WAY YOU CAN IM SO TIRED OF THIS SHIT ,FUCK IT I GIVE UP GOODNIGHT BUT I HOPE EVERYTHING GOES YOUR WAY." So i wasnt going to entertain that so i didnt respond im a different woman now and i dont think he realizes that but anyway he sent me another text the next morning telling me to be careful on the road cause I told him I was going out of town so I didnt respond then he send me another text later on that night asking me if I made it okay. I dont know what to do its hard cause I still love him but i dont know if he is really trying to change or if this is just something to get me back in. Cause he asked me to come see him and i told him no that i was tired and usually he would get mad and not want to talk to me but this time was different he said thats understandable and he changed the subject. Him getting mad over me changing our sons last name is a personal problem because he walked out on us so why would i keep the last name of a man like that. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK , I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. NEED HELP
Re: changing your child's last name, not knowing the whole story, my first thought is suggest you contact an atty to find out your legal standing. I'm guessing your abuser isn't paying child support and really isn't that interested in the child other than using him as a manipulation to get to you. I'm sorry to say that, but that's the way abusers are.
Please contact your nearest women's shelter and use their resources & referrals that include attorneys, therapists & other types of assistance - some even help w/relocation & finding jobs.
It sounds like your family is very supportive of you. Please continue to let them help & protect you.
I encourage you to stay away from him completely, especially since he has threatened you. Please keep yourself safe, especially for your son.
Do the numbers.
Please, for your safety and that of your child, maintain NO CONTACT.
What you've described above is typical of the standard manipulative abuser.
Do whatever you need to do to stay OUT of CONTACT with this abuser. Doing so will improve your odds of living a longer, happier life.
Take care and be well.
Ilene