Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hello.....
as a lot of you know i have 2 daughters....26 and 22.
Our 26 year old actually moved out on her 18th birthday , i think ive told you before....her dad told her that she wouldnt amount to anything.
She's proved him very wrong.....
Our 22 years still lives at him , other than her spending a lot of time at friends and her boyfriends....
She is daddys little girl and he has doted on her from the day she was born , pushing our elder girl out in the meantime......saying he could only love one at once !!
Dont worry....i was always there 24/7 for both of them.......as i would have been if i'd had 10........i wouldnt have treated any of them any different.
Anyway........our eldest girl is so supportive of my leaving......our youngest girl doesnt understand at all , saying i should just learn to brush it off....
i saw her tonight and spent a bit of time with her.......shes upset me and i dont know why.
she keeps trying to tell me that she can just move on from these 'outbursts' that her dad keeps having and that he is 'not as bad' as he used to be etc.........and that after all this time i should be able to just move on from it and be happy.....
well,,,,,,,,,
..........LONG PAUSE...................................................................................
its ok her saying that........i explained to her that she has a totally different kind of relationship with him than i have.
Also that she came into our equasion when we had been together already for 6 or so years........and that i had ALREADY experienced emotional and sometimes slight physical abuse before she even came along.........she actually doesnt know just HOW bad it was in the beggining........i was too scared and naive to do anything back then.
I do honeslty think maybe / perhaps she is starting to pick up on some of his abusive tendencies as i NEVER feel heard by her either.
Is this possible..........and what should i do...............i beleive i am still right to have left.........ITS NOT HER THATS ILL WITH STRESS.........its not her that used , and still does.......sit in bed depressed thinking about my life how im going to totally get out of this mess.........SHE has a job.........a boyfriend..........loads of animals ( that i look after ).......loads of friends.........and loads of money.........shes hardly at home wheras i was............
it breaks my hear to go AGAINST her will and to do something that SHE really doesnt want me to do...........but shes 22 , she has her own life.........and i dont think she will EVER see her dad as an abuser.......
can you please advise me.............im sat here in tears...............xx
as a lot of you know i have 2 daughters....26 and 22.
Our 26 year old actually moved out on her 18th birthday , i think ive told you before....her dad told her that she wouldnt amount to anything.
She's proved him very wrong.....
Our 22 years still lives at him , other than her spending a lot of time at friends and her boyfriends....
She is daddys little girl and he has doted on her from the day she was born , pushing our elder girl out in the meantime......saying he could only love one at once !!
Dont worry....i was always there 24/7 for both of them.......as i would have been if i'd had 10........i wouldnt have treated any of them any different.
Anyway........our eldest girl is so supportive of my leaving......our youngest girl doesnt understand at all , saying i should just learn to brush it off....
i saw her tonight and spent a bit of time with her.......shes upset me and i dont know why.
she keeps trying to tell me that she can just move on from these 'outbursts' that her dad keeps having and that he is 'not as bad' as he used to be etc.........and that after all this time i should be able to just move on from it and be happy.....
well,,,,,,,,,
..........LONG PAUSE...................................................................................
its ok her saying that........i explained to her that she has a totally different kind of relationship with him than i have.
Also that she came into our equasion when we had been together already for 6 or so years........and that i had ALREADY experienced emotional and sometimes slight physical abuse before she even came along.........she actually doesnt know just HOW bad it was in the beggining........i was too scared and naive to do anything back then.
I do honeslty think maybe / perhaps she is starting to pick up on some of his abusive tendencies as i NEVER feel heard by her either.
Is this possible..........and what should i do...............i beleive i am still right to have left.........ITS NOT HER THATS ILL WITH STRESS.........its not her that used , and still does.......sit in bed depressed thinking about my life how im going to totally get out of this mess.........SHE has a job.........a boyfriend..........loads of animals ( that i look after ).......loads of friends.........and loads of money.........shes hardly at home wheras i was............
it breaks my hear to go AGAINST her will and to do something that SHE really doesnt want me to do...........but shes 22 , she has her own life.........and i dont think she will EVER see her dad as an abuser.......
can you please advise me.............im sat here in tears...............xx
best approach to talk to
you, but it's what's coming
out, so I'll go with it:
Your younger daughter
is barely more
than a CHILD.
You are a MATURE ADULT.
She doesn't want to see
her parent as an abuser.
He is.
You have been abused.
By the way, there is no such
thing as "slight" physical abuse.
Abuse is abuse is abuse.
Yes. It's more than possible
that she has identified herself
with the abuser (which is "safer"
than being a victim). It's very
common.
Are you in any kind of therapy?
If not, I urge you to look around
for a qualified counselor whose
specialty is recovery from abuse.
Please take good care of yourself.
As far as her taking on disrespectful behaviour toward you. Your relationship with her is yours and you are free to make it clear your expectations for her behaviour toward you.
Hard stuff. My kids are young so I have all that to look forward to. As Ilene said, keep looking after you.